Comment from MsPetra

Good

I liked your story. I thought it was a little slow moving. I think because you bogged it down with detail.
Trim it a little.
For the most part it is going along well. Please continue working on it.

 Comment Written 11-Dec-2011

---

reply by the author on 11-Dec-2011

I received a four on my last post because I didn't give enough detail.
Thank you

reply by MsPetra on 11-Dec-2011

I understand. I still think that it is slow moving because it is bogged down with inconsequential details.
Maybe it needs more details that are relevent to the story.
I think the details that you chose to include were words that took up space. That is distracting.
Include more details that are pertinent to the story. That should do the trick. Please keep working on it. Take care.

reply by the author on 11-Dec-2011

I wish you would give me an example of what you are talking about, because I don't think I put in any irrelvent details. Please tell me exactly what you are talking about. I am anxious to know.

reply by MsPetra on 12-Dec-2011

I am sorry it took me so long to get back to you. I am a little under the weather today.
"She slowly walked over and picked up the reciever". That is the kind of thing I am talking about. I just wanted to give you an example of what I was referring to. I hope this helps.

Comment from Sweet Anita

Excellent

Oh.. I thought Anna was going to turn around and see that someone got Michael while she had the vacuum running loud. Now we are going to have to wait to see if the dogs attack! I hope Troy comes to the rescue. I saw one little spag that I probably wouldn't have even noticed, if I didn't come from a line of Grahams... and possibly the one who invented the Graham cracker. LOL but gram cracker is actually graham cracker. The rest of it is perfect as far as I can see. Thanks for another great chapter. Looking forward to the next one to see what happens to little Michael.

Nita :-)

 Comment Written 11-Dec-2011

---

reply by the author on 11-Dec-2011

I made that correction. I thought I had made it before I posted. I guess I forgot to save it. I appreciate your eagle eye.

Comment from c_lucas

Excellent

A very good ending, leaving Michael in danger from the attacking dog. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read.

 Comment Written 11-Dec-2011

---

reply by the author on 11-Dec-2011

Thank you for your kind review.

reply by c_lucas on 11-Dec-2011

You're welcome, Barbara. Charlie

Comment from Gungalo

Excellent

Oh gosh, please don't let anything happen to the boy!! They've had enough happen to then already. Girl, you write with such a vengeance. Please please, don't let anything happen!!

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 11-Dec-2011

---

reply by the author on 11-Dec-2011

Thank you for the kind review. Troy is there, maybe he will be able to rescue the child.

reply by Gungalo on 11-Dec-2011

I surely hope so.