Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 48 "Part two, Chapter 15"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
75 total reviews
Comment from Writingfundimension
Another really fine chapter, barbara. It's rewarding to see Anna gradually learning to relax, though I suspect someone dangerous is keeping just out of sight.
'Your machismo is still intack.' - intact.
Kind regards, Bev
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2012
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Another really fine chapter, barbara. It's rewarding to see Anna gradually learning to relax, though I suspect someone dangerous is keeping just out of sight.
'Your machismo is still intack.' - intact.
Kind regards, Bev
Comment Written 15-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2012
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Darn, I fixed that word and still have it wrong. Thank you for your eagle eye.
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Honestly, I'm beginning to believe there really is an evil Eddie LOL. No problemo...Bev
Comment from Paradox Tremors
Finally! Anna got up the nerve. I was beginning to think she and Troy would not act on the impulse of "saying" they liked each other. Another fine write my friend.
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2012
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Finally! Anna got up the nerve. I was beginning to think she and Troy would not act on the impulse of "saying" they liked each other. Another fine write my friend.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from alexisleech
At last! I've been waiting for one of them to do that for ages! Great to see Anna moving forward under the kind and understanding influence of Troy. As they say behind every great man there stands a women, I think it's the other way around here and he is gradually building up her confidence again. Shame about that damned muffler though!
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2012
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At last! I've been waiting for one of them to do that for ages! Great to see Anna moving forward under the kind and understanding influence of Troy. As they say behind every great man there stands a women, I think it's the other way around here and he is gradually building up her confidence again. Shame about that damned muffler though!
Comment Written 15-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from WilliamDeen
Nice work, Barbara. Enjoying the story. Good characters and excellent dialogue. Didn't notice anything to suggest differently and no spags seen. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2012
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Nice work, Barbara. Enjoying the story. Good characters and excellent dialogue. Didn't notice anything to suggest differently and no spags seen. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2012
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Thank you for the kind review and support.
Comment from AprilShower
Hi, Barbara. I'm a little bothered about the loud muffler. I wonder if it is the same person following them. If I counted right, it was heard three times. This is very well written. The repeating of the loud muffler seemed emphasized, though. Usually we don't hear that many bad mufflers in a short period of time. It made me suspicious.
April
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2012
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Hi, Barbara. I'm a little bothered about the loud muffler. I wonder if it is the same person following them. If I counted right, it was heard three times. This is very well written. The repeating of the loud muffler seemed emphasized, though. Usually we don't hear that many bad mufflers in a short period of time. It made me suspicious.
April
Comment Written 15-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2012
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You are correct in being suspicious. Thank you for the kind review.
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I thought so. You're welcome, Barbara.
Comment from Shirley B
I am glad you have taken your time with Anna. Great job. Only 60 pages to go. Wonderful. You have done an outstanding job. Your husband's artwork has fit in quite well too. Best of luck to you on the next 60 pages. I really enjoyed this one, Shirley
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2012
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I am glad you have taken your time with Anna. Great job. Only 60 pages to go. Wonderful. You have done an outstanding job. Your husband's artwork has fit in quite well too. Best of luck to you on the next 60 pages. I really enjoyed this one, Shirley
Comment Written 15-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from purrfect tale
And with that last demand for a kiss, Anna finally grows a backbone. She needs to start showing a little more strength if you have plans of trying to get it published. I sat on the group of senior editors for a while whose job it was to pick through last round books for what would and wouldn't be accepted. Publishers today vere more towards strong woman. You've done a great job of establishing how much her Ex messed her up, but it's time for her to take a few strides in the other direction. Maybe something major can happen where she is the one who knows what to do. That would give her some confidence.
"It's okay () for you to have a preference
"I guess if she doesn't mind, it's okay?" - Did you mean this to be a question to show her insecurity, or was this an accident?
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2012
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And with that last demand for a kiss, Anna finally grows a backbone. She needs to start showing a little more strength if you have plans of trying to get it published. I sat on the group of senior editors for a while whose job it was to pick through last round books for what would and wouldn't be accepted. Publishers today vere more towards strong woman. You've done a great job of establishing how much her Ex messed her up, but it's time for her to take a few strides in the other direction. Maybe something major can happen where she is the one who knows what to do. That would give her some confidence.
"It's okay () for you to have a preference
"I guess if she doesn't mind, it's okay?" - Did you mean this to be a question to show her insecurity, or was this an accident?
Comment Written 15-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2012
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I just reworded the last sentence you questioned. It just wasn't working. Thnak you for pointing it out. Anna is gaining strength and will have a strong ending.
Comment from adewpearl
Your machismo is still in tack - intact
Your parent's won't mind babysitting? - drop the apostrophe in parents
Holding the child's hand, they -add comma
and it should really be - Holding the child's hand, he
Thank you for sharing him with my parent's. - drop the apostrophe
Excellent natural-sounding dialogue
You build suspense well with that muffler
She asks for a kiss - good for her - baby steps :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2012
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Your machismo is still in tack - intact
Your parent's won't mind babysitting? - drop the apostrophe in parents
Holding the child's hand, they -add comma
and it should really be - Holding the child's hand, he
Thank you for sharing him with my parent's. - drop the apostrophe
Excellent natural-sounding dialogue
You build suspense well with that muffler
She asks for a kiss - good for her - baby steps :-) Brooke
Comment Written 15-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2012
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Thank you for your eagle eye. I have made the changes and every one of them I knew, just messed up. I appreciate your kind review.
Comment from Hareem.S
Ahhh now I have started liking this story even more, lol. Finally they are getting close! You have definitely kept the suspense up. Its a page turner. Enjoyed reading it Margaret:)
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2012
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Ahhh now I have started liking this story even more, lol. Finally they are getting close! You have definitely kept the suspense up. Its a page turner. Enjoyed reading it Margaret:)
Comment Written 15-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from judiverse
Excellent chapter, worthy of six stars. I like that you're showing the changes in Anna gradually. She has decided on where she wants the painting, and she's willing to leave Michael in someone else's care. She still freaks out a little over hearing the muffler sound, and says she thinks she likes Italian food. These are small things, but very telling in the course of your story. She does say that she'll handle going to the support group on her own, and takes the initiative asking Troy if he's going to kiss her. Very realistic portrayal of an abused person. Great artwork. Congratulations. judi
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2012
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Excellent chapter, worthy of six stars. I like that you're showing the changes in Anna gradually. She has decided on where she wants the painting, and she's willing to leave Michael in someone else's care. She still freaks out a little over hearing the muffler sound, and says she thinks she likes Italian food. These are small things, but very telling in the course of your story. She does say that she'll handle going to the support group on her own, and takes the initiative asking Troy if he's going to kiss her. Very realistic portrayal of an abused person. Great artwork. Congratulations. judi
Comment Written 15-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2012
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Thank you for the kind review and insight. I have tried to make it realistic.