Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 53 "part 4, Chapter 16"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
74 total reviews
Comment from Rob Caudle
I've been wanting to read your story for quite awhile, as has my wife. I hate it when people read just one of my chapters and review it when they haven't read the rest, so I'm going to go back and read the other chapters. I'll come back and see if some of my questions were answered.
Overall, I do like the realistic, and gritty feeling of the situation Anna is in. The writing is precise and tone is good. You bring the situation home..having to take care of your child, while at the same time having to worry about your own problems (Bobby). I love Michael and his supportive nature and actions.
One thing that I was wondering about was if you could add some mood to the chapter by showing the police officer to be a jerk by having him roll his eyes, and then maybe describing the way he just dismissed everything by casually slipping the notebook in his pocket.
Also, I was wondering if having Anna fuming over being dismissed by the officer might bring out more mood and feelings of urgency out.
I can't wait to read the rest of the book!
And now, just a few nit picky details...
A man who accidently runs into a mother and child always run off--
run(s) off?
happens I'll come back..happens, ??I think?
Big, thick ??
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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I've been wanting to read your story for quite awhile, as has my wife. I hate it when people read just one of my chapters and review it when they haven't read the rest, so I'm going to go back and read the other chapters. I'll come back and see if some of my questions were answered.
Overall, I do like the realistic, and gritty feeling of the situation Anna is in. The writing is precise and tone is good. You bring the situation home..having to take care of your child, while at the same time having to worry about your own problems (Bobby). I love Michael and his supportive nature and actions.
One thing that I was wondering about was if you could add some mood to the chapter by showing the police officer to be a jerk by having him roll his eyes, and then maybe describing the way he just dismissed everything by casually slipping the notebook in his pocket.
Also, I was wondering if having Anna fuming over being dismissed by the officer might bring out more mood and feelings of urgency out.
I can't wait to read the rest of the book!
And now, just a few nit picky details...
A man who accidently runs into a mother and child always run off--
run(s) off?
happens I'll come back..happens, ??I think?
Big, thick ??
Comment Written 19-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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Thank you for your eagle eye. I have made the corrections.
Comment from JW
This chapter is another great addition to your story. The way it was written it was very realistic. It is a shame events like this also occur in real life.
Thanks for sharing. JW
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
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This chapter is another great addition to your story. The way it was written it was very realistic. It is a shame events like this also occur in real life.
Thanks for sharing. JW
Comment Written 19-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, barbara, you did a great job writing this chapter where troy makes sure he does everything to keep anna safe and the denseness of the policeman that took the report aggravates me
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
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this is very well written, barbara, you did a great job writing this chapter where troy makes sure he does everything to keep anna safe and the denseness of the policeman that took the report aggravates me
Comment Written 19-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from bookishfabler
Another excellent chapter and I have no nit pickng on this one. Didn't see anything to pick on. I love that the action is picking up and the romance is sure to follow. Great job.
hugs heidi
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
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Another excellent chapter and I have no nit pickng on this one. Didn't see anything to pick on. I love that the action is picking up and the romance is sure to follow. Great job.
hugs heidi
Comment Written 19-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from adewpearl
Remember, Bobby's in jail -add the comma
Really, all of this isn't necessary - add comma
Troy is certainly organized, and he's as determined as Anna's stalker is. I just love that he's not only protective but that he knows what to do to put his protective feelings into practical action :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
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Remember, Bobby's in jail -add the comma
Really, all of this isn't necessary - add comma
Troy is certainly organized, and he's as determined as Anna's stalker is. I just love that he's not only protective but that he knows what to do to put his protective feelings into practical action :-) Brooke
Comment Written 19-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
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Thank you for your eagle eye and support.
Comment from AprilShower
Constant harassment is a horrible thing. People begin to say, "I tired of hearing about this." It gets to the point where the person who is being harassment feels like saying, "You think you're tired of hearing about it. How would you feel if you constantly had to put up with it." It's sad, because, sometimes the harassment will continue until somebody ends up being killed. It's sad, but you're telling it, like it is for those who are being harassed.
Anna is lucky to have someone to help her.
April
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
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Constant harassment is a horrible thing. People begin to say, "I tired of hearing about this." It gets to the point where the person who is being harassment feels like saying, "You think you're tired of hearing about it. How would you feel if you constantly had to put up with it." It's sad, because, sometimes the harassment will continue until somebody ends up being killed. It's sad, but you're telling it, like it is for those who are being harassed.
Anna is lucky to have someone to help her.
April
Comment Written 19-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
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You're welcome, Barbara. :o)
Comment from Herb
Another good chapter written in that easy plain style. Easy reading and a simple tone for a simple story. Good work that is.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
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Another good chapter written in that easy plain style. Easy reading and a simple tone for a simple story. Good work that is.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
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I am confused. I reviewed a 5 star review and don't know what corrects to make to get 5 stars.
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No technical corrections. just for my tastes the story is good and not excellent.
Comment from rama devi
Hi dear B. So sorry for my long absence reviewing your book. Iv'e lost track of the plot but recall the characters and will review this as if a stand alone chapter, checking on short term issues rather than the arching scope of the book.
I've been reviewing less (except this month) ever since arriving in US in Dec. I may not b around much on Fs (not as before until July or August. Anyway, thanks for all your reviews...though i hardly post any more these days!
As usual, your chapter flows well with well-paced and authentic sounding dialog and good action tags to bring the scene to life, visually. The subject of abuse is a highly relevant and touchy one. You do so well with it in this book!
NOTES and suggestions-
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After a few moments, Troy put his phone in his pocket and walked over to Anna and ruffled Michael's hair.
Suggest trimming one AND. Example-
After a few moments, Troy put his phone in his pocket, walked over to Anna and ruffled Michael's hair.
*
She turned toward him and tears streamed down her cheeks.
I think she must have the tears before she turned, so suggest a slight change-
She turned toward him with tears streaming down her cheeks.
It would seem more natural than her turning and spontaneously tears falling....but either way is acceptable, of course.
A very fine chapter and no major nits.
Warm smiles,
rd
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
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Hi dear B. So sorry for my long absence reviewing your book. Iv'e lost track of the plot but recall the characters and will review this as if a stand alone chapter, checking on short term issues rather than the arching scope of the book.
I've been reviewing less (except this month) ever since arriving in US in Dec. I may not b around much on Fs (not as before until July or August. Anyway, thanks for all your reviews...though i hardly post any more these days!
As usual, your chapter flows well with well-paced and authentic sounding dialog and good action tags to bring the scene to life, visually. The subject of abuse is a highly relevant and touchy one. You do so well with it in this book!
NOTES and suggestions-
*
After a few moments, Troy put his phone in his pocket and walked over to Anna and ruffled Michael's hair.
Suggest trimming one AND. Example-
After a few moments, Troy put his phone in his pocket, walked over to Anna and ruffled Michael's hair.
*
She turned toward him and tears streamed down her cheeks.
I think she must have the tears before she turned, so suggest a slight change-
She turned toward him with tears streaming down her cheeks.
It would seem more natural than her turning and spontaneously tears falling....but either way is acceptable, of course.
A very fine chapter and no major nits.
Warm smiles,
rd
Comment Written 19-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
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Thank you for your eagle eye and I will make those corrections.
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:-)
Comment from cheyennewy
HI Barbara,
I am intrigued about how Bobby is managing to harass Anna when he is in jail. I am sure his mother is somehow guilty, as well. I feel sorry for Anna as all she wants is to live her life in peace. Thank heavens of Troy and his family which now as become Anna's as well. Great writing here....blessings, chey
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
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HI Barbara,
I am intrigued about how Bobby is managing to harass Anna when he is in jail. I am sure his mother is somehow guilty, as well. I feel sorry for Anna as all she wants is to live her life in peace. Thank heavens of Troy and his family which now as become Anna's as well. Great writing here....blessings, chey
Comment Written 19-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from TammyGail
I haven't read you in a while barbara after reading this I can say its been to long. This was a great chapter, very compelling like always heartfelt like always you pulled me in and kept my full att.. Thanks for sharing it was a pleasure to read and review again..
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
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I haven't read you in a while barbara after reading this I can say its been to long. This was a great chapter, very compelling like always heartfelt like always you pulled me in and kept my full att.. Thanks for sharing it was a pleasure to read and review again..
Comment Written 19-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
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Thank you for your kind review.