Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 61 "part four, Chapter 18"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
65 total reviews
Comment from purrfect tale
Ahhh!! I can't wait a week to see what happens!! Bringing in the swat team can't be good. Excellent bad guy actions and dialogue. I want to punch him myself.
Notes:
Do (you) have any other suggestions?"
Anna blinked and grabbed (the) top of her head.
Bobby(,) we're searching for your friends. - direct address
Quit calling the bitch() Mrs. Rodgers. - this isn't direct address so no comma
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2012
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Ahhh!! I can't wait a week to see what happens!! Bringing in the swat team can't be good. Excellent bad guy actions and dialogue. I want to punch him myself.
Notes:
Do (you) have any other suggestions?"
Anna blinked and grabbed (the) top of her head.
Bobby(,) we're searching for your friends. - direct address
Quit calling the bitch() Mrs. Rodgers. - this isn't direct address so no comma
Comment Written 08-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2012
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Thank you for your eagle eye. I have made the changes.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Barb You certainly put a lot of research into this chapter
I pray George( the negotiator) can get trough to Bobby .
It seems to me that Bobby is gone completely out of control)
Waiting for your next exciting next chapter with good results
Gert
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2012
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Hello Barb You certainly put a lot of research into this chapter
I pray George( the negotiator) can get trough to Bobby .
It seems to me that Bobby is gone completely out of control)
Waiting for your next exciting next chapter with good results
Gert
Comment Written 08-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2012
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Thank you for the kind review and continued support.
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You are welcome Barb
Gert
Comment from adewpearl
Bobby is one cold customer as he makes wash up
She was barely conscience - conscious
Bobby, is there anything you want - add comma for direct address
Bobby, we're searching - add comma
Quit calling the bitch, Mrs - drop the comma
excellent dialogue that conveys the intense emotions of characters on both sides of this situation
You also depict the tension well Brooke :-)
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2012
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Bobby is one cold customer as he makes wash up
She was barely conscience - conscious
Bobby, is there anything you want - add comma for direct address
Bobby, we're searching - add comma
Quit calling the bitch, Mrs - drop the comma
excellent dialogue that conveys the intense emotions of characters on both sides of this situation
You also depict the tension well Brooke :-)
Comment Written 08-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2012
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Thank you for catching those. I thought I had those comma's after Bobby, anyway, I knew they needed to be there. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from judiverse
Lots of tension in this, barbara, and we wonder what the outcome's going to be Bobby's so totally out of control. Good use of technology so that the can determine that Anna has been injured. Bobby seems so totally unfeeling and tries to blame Anna for everything. Interesting that he wants her to clean herself up so the police can't see the extent of her injured (he thinks). I've read novels and seen TV movies with hostage negotiators, and don't know how the can act as calm as they do. I think you handled the hostage situation very realistically. The action moves along well. In the dialogue line that begins "Yes, sir, I got a couple you want conscious for your last word, not conscience. judi
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reply by the author on 08-Apr-2012
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Lots of tension in this, barbara, and we wonder what the outcome's going to be Bobby's so totally out of control. Good use of technology so that the can determine that Anna has been injured. Bobby seems so totally unfeeling and tries to blame Anna for everything. Interesting that he wants her to clean herself up so the police can't see the extent of her injured (he thinks). I've read novels and seen TV movies with hostage negotiators, and don't know how the can act as calm as they do. I think you handled the hostage situation very realistically. The action moves along well. In the dialogue line that begins "Yes, sir, I got a couple you want conscious for your last word, not conscience. judi
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2012
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I will make that correction. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from c_lucas
I don't think a negotiator will work in this situation. Bobby has lost it, totally. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words.
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reply by the author on 08-Apr-2012
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I don't think a negotiator will work in this situation. Bobby has lost it, totally. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2012
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Thank you for the kind review and your continued support.