Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 71 "part two, Chapter 21"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
75 total reviews
Comment from Dave M
Barbara,
So Anna finally remembered what had happened to her, and she learned that Bobby is dead. I enjoyed reading this post and found nothing to criticize.
Dave
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2012
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Barbara,
So Anna finally remembered what had happened to her, and she learned that Bobby is dead. I enjoyed reading this post and found nothing to criticize.
Dave
Comment Written 17-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from AprilShower
Very well done, Barbara! I like the way you had her remember what happened. I am wondering how this story will end. This poor woman has been treated so terribly. I am wondering if she will still have trouble with her ex mother and father-in-law.
Hopefully, this story will have a good ending. :o)
April
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2012
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Very well done, Barbara! I like the way you had her remember what happened. I am wondering how this story will end. This poor woman has been treated so terribly. I am wondering if she will still have trouble with her ex mother and father-in-law.
Hopefully, this story will have a good ending. :o)
April
Comment Written 17-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from purrfect tale
I didn't think it would take long for her to remember. Now I'm waiting to see if Bobby's family blames her. They all should be locked up.
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2012
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I didn't think it would take long for her to remember. Now I'm waiting to see if Bobby's family blames her. They all should be locked up.
Comment Written 17-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2012
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I appreciate your kind review.
Comment from Terra Dane
"Anna, I think I can get most of your clothes and toiletries into two suitcases. Michael's things will be easy. ...
"Anna, I think two suit cases will be enough and Michael's things will be easy." Something like that--because we all know what goes into suitcases. I'm doing this because I'm trying to help. Think about pace and what is important to the story. Do her toiletries matter? Or is it just a fun word? LOL.
Writers paint scenes in the minds of readers, they draw character, and most importantly they tell a story. Early drafts often have way to much information, stuff you need to know but the reader doesn't, stuff the comes out while you're busy figuring out where you're heading. One of the most import thing a writer does when the first draft is finished is walk away from it, pick it up again and begin the sometimes painful process of honing the manuscripts. What matters to story, to character. What moves us forward? Better what slows us down. I don't know what draft you are on, but writing is re-writing, reading, slashing, burning, creating, and deconstructing. I know your heart is in the subject matter and primarily believe the manuscript just needs some refining.
You've got the intent, the basics downs, i.e. sentence structure, now it's just time for you to refine that writer's voice necessary to tell a good story.
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2012
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"Anna, I think I can get most of your clothes and toiletries into two suitcases. Michael's things will be easy. ...
"Anna, I think two suit cases will be enough and Michael's things will be easy." Something like that--because we all know what goes into suitcases. I'm doing this because I'm trying to help. Think about pace and what is important to the story. Do her toiletries matter? Or is it just a fun word? LOL.
Writers paint scenes in the minds of readers, they draw character, and most importantly they tell a story. Early drafts often have way to much information, stuff you need to know but the reader doesn't, stuff the comes out while you're busy figuring out where you're heading. One of the most import thing a writer does when the first draft is finished is walk away from it, pick it up again and begin the sometimes painful process of honing the manuscripts. What matters to story, to character. What moves us forward? Better what slows us down. I don't know what draft you are on, but writing is re-writing, reading, slashing, burning, creating, and deconstructing. I know your heart is in the subject matter and primarily believe the manuscript just needs some refining.
You've got the intent, the basics downs, i.e. sentence structure, now it's just time for you to refine that writer's voice necessary to tell a good story.
Comment Written 17-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2012
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I will make that correction. Thank you.
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Corrections made.
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
I don't wish many people dead, but Bobby was one who deserved it. Doesn't sound like he could ever live a decent life. Well written and I love the dream-catcher!!! Debbie
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2012
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I don't wish many people dead, but Bobby was one who deserved it. Doesn't sound like he could ever live a decent life. Well written and I love the dream-catcher!!! Debbie
Comment Written 17-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Shirley McLain
Wonderful chapter. Are we getting close to the end, now that Anna remembers? Your details really lets me visualize what is happening. Great job.
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2012
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Wonderful chapter. Are we getting close to the end, now that Anna remembers? Your details really lets me visualize what is happening. Great job.
Comment Written 17-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2012
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Thank youi for the kind review.
Comment from Gungalo
Sigh she'll be okay now and eventually forget the whole thing. It it good there are plenty of people around who love her to help. Sigh.
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2012
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Sigh she'll be okay now and eventually forget the whole thing. It it good there are plenty of people around who love her to help. Sigh.
Comment Written 17-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
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Such wonderful news I'd say.
Comment from Maureen's Pen
I think you really penned well the confusion that Anna must be feeling. It's like memory overload for her.
Now that she remembers and knows Bobby's dead I can see a large weight coming off her shoulders.
This was a wonderful well penned piece, the pace was not too rushed and I think it was really Anna controlling that which was great.
Well done with this post Barbara.
Thanks for sharing.
Maureen
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2012
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I think you really penned well the confusion that Anna must be feeling. It's like memory overload for her.
Now that she remembers and knows Bobby's dead I can see a large weight coming off her shoulders.
This was a wonderful well penned piece, the pace was not too rushed and I think it was really Anna controlling that which was great.
Well done with this post Barbara.
Thanks for sharing.
Maureen
Comment Written 17-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Shirley B
Dear Barbara, Your writing is wonderful. I am so glad she remembers now. Abuse is so hard to get over. I love how you have kept the abuse hotline number up all through your writing. Now that Anna remembers she can start healing. Great job, I love the dream catcher.
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2012
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Dear Barbara, Your writing is wonderful. I am so glad she remembers now. Abuse is so hard to get over. I love how you have kept the abuse hotline number up all through your writing. Now that Anna remembers she can start healing. Great job, I love the dream catcher.
Comment Written 17-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2012
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Thank you for the kind review. We shall see what happens to the rest of Bobby's friends/family.
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Barbara,
This is such a touching chapter and your excellent descriptions made it even more so. I am glad Anna finally remembered what alluded her before. Now that Bobby is dead she can relax (I think!) I have a creepy feeling Bobby's mother is going to make trouble and I hope I am wrong. Troy is so tender with Anna, how could she help but love him? Well done....blessings, chey
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2012
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Hi Barbara,
This is such a touching chapter and your excellent descriptions made it even more so. I am glad Anna finally remembered what alluded her before. Now that Bobby is dead she can relax (I think!) I have a creepy feeling Bobby's mother is going to make trouble and I hope I am wrong. Troy is so tender with Anna, how could she help but love him? Well done....blessings, chey
Comment Written 17-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2012
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Thank you for the kind review and support.