Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 31 "Part one, Chapter 10"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
84 total reviews
Comment from adewpearl
Just read your author's notes - I'm with you - I don't think you needed the particulars of this trial.
The dialogue conveys the emotions of the speakers well, and you show clearly how careful Anna has to be to counter all the moves of her abusive husband and his legal team. Brooke
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2011
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Just read your author's notes - I'm with you - I don't think you needed the particulars of this trial.
The dialogue conveys the emotions of the speakers well, and you show clearly how careful Anna has to be to counter all the moves of her abusive husband and his legal team. Brooke
Comment Written 11-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2011
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Thank you for your comments on the trial. The vote is 2 - 1 in favor of the way I handled it.
Comment from readandwrite
Wow!!!!!! That was incredible! THe whole time I was reading this I kept wondering whether you've been through this yourself. It's very detailed and it seems likes you know what you're writing about. I was a little confused at some parts....probably becuase I haven't read any other chapters. I thought it was really well written and it had a good storyline-GOOD JOB AND KEEP WRITING!
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2011
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Wow!!!!!! That was incredible! THe whole time I was reading this I kept wondering whether you've been through this yourself. It's very detailed and it seems likes you know what you're writing about. I was a little confused at some parts....probably becuase I haven't read any other chapters. I thought it was really well written and it had a good storyline-GOOD JOB AND KEEP WRITING!
Comment Written 11-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Chris Tee
This is an absolutely marvelous piece of writing you have done
here old sport. It is a rather splendid part of this excellent book.
Well done indeed with this splendid write Barbara
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2011
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This is an absolutely marvelous piece of writing you have done
here old sport. It is a rather splendid part of this excellent book.
Well done indeed with this splendid write Barbara
Comment Written 11-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2011
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Thank you for your kind review and continued support.
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Well done on this section. I enjoyed the way you have created the sense of the trial but without the actual proceedings. I agree with your thoughts in your author notes. This was well penned it flowed nicely and nothing stood out for me that didn't fit well.
I enjoyed the overall flare in this section and the leading into the divorce proceedings.
Great read and your characters are still strong, even Anna though unsure I found her stronger in this one.
Well done and thanks for sharing.
Maureen
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2011
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Well done on this section. I enjoyed the way you have created the sense of the trial but without the actual proceedings. I agree with your thoughts in your author notes. This was well penned it flowed nicely and nothing stood out for me that didn't fit well.
I enjoyed the overall flare in this section and the leading into the divorce proceedings.
Great read and your characters are still strong, even Anna though unsure I found her stronger in this one.
Well done and thanks for sharing.
Maureen
Comment Written 11-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2011
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I am pleased with your comments. I am hoping to slowly grow Anna. I had one reviewer who wanted both trials. I will keep count. Right now it's a tie.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, barbara, a great job writing this chapter for your book and the trial about to take place. are you going to do a chapter where anna goes to a support group for battered women? it seems a part of the story that needs to be told.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2011
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this is very well written, barbara, a great job writing this chapter for your book and the trial about to take place. are you going to do a chapter where anna goes to a support group for battered women? it seems a part of the story that needs to be told.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2011
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I had not thought about it, but you are right. I think it needs to happen. Thank you for your suggestion and the review.
Comment from MS Writer
I can't imagine how difficult it must be waiting for the trial. The story is fascinating and well written so we really understand the plight of an abused woman. Your notes give us some unbelievable statistics. Very scary! Well done!
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2011
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I can't imagine how difficult it must be waiting for the trial. The story is fascinating and well written so we really understand the plight of an abused woman. Your notes give us some unbelievable statistics. Very scary! Well done!
Comment Written 11-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Karen Payton Holt
Another seamless chapter.
The dialogue flows, the effortless unfolding of Anna's dilemma, recounting her accidental dates with troy are natural progressions of Paul's concern.
The legal jargon and the hoped for sentence, and possible additional penalties felt authentic, and I feel sure are very precise indeed!
Another piece of a puzzle that grows in depth with each layer that is added.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2011
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Another seamless chapter.
The dialogue flows, the effortless unfolding of Anna's dilemma, recounting her accidental dates with troy are natural progressions of Paul's concern.
The legal jargon and the hoped for sentence, and possible additional penalties felt authentic, and I feel sure are very precise indeed!
Another piece of a puzzle that grows in depth with each layer that is added.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from ulster3
Hello, barbara.
This was an interesting chapter. I can believe only too well that Bobby only got three months. The law is pathetic in these matters.
Warmly, Rebecca
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2011
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Hello, barbara.
This was an interesting chapter. I can believe only too well that Bobby only got three months. The law is pathetic in these matters.
Warmly, Rebecca
Comment Written 11-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from rama devi
Thanks for always including that detailed info in your author's notes. Excellent and informative!~
* Opening sentence is a bit choppy with all those commas. The one before and is not mandatory--I suggest removing it.
Anna rushed through the courtroom doors, found an isolated bench,(remove ,) and sat, taking deep breaths.
or keep it and remove the next one:
Anna rushed through the courtroom doors, found an isolated bench, and sat taking deep breaths.
*
"I do. He violated the restraining order. Not only did he contact you in the hospital, but he threatened you. The judge won't ignore his arrest for disorderly conduct and assault. He could spend up to six months in jail and two years on probation."
There is nothing wrong with long-winded dialog--but this is slightly expository--she already knows the info and his repeating i detail seems unnatural. Suggest a slight trim:
"I do. He violated the restraining order by threatening you. The judge won't ignore his arrest. He could spend up to six months in jail and two years on probation."
OTHERWISE--the dialog is good and sounds true to life. In most places, well paced. You use action tags splendidly.
*
Paul stared at Troy, who studied the sidewalk,(no comma) before he asked, "Do you have something to tell me?"
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2011
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Thanks for always including that detailed info in your author's notes. Excellent and informative!~
* Opening sentence is a bit choppy with all those commas. The one before and is not mandatory--I suggest removing it.
Anna rushed through the courtroom doors, found an isolated bench,(remove ,) and sat, taking deep breaths.
or keep it and remove the next one:
Anna rushed through the courtroom doors, found an isolated bench, and sat taking deep breaths.
*
"I do. He violated the restraining order. Not only did he contact you in the hospital, but he threatened you. The judge won't ignore his arrest for disorderly conduct and assault. He could spend up to six months in jail and two years on probation."
There is nothing wrong with long-winded dialog--but this is slightly expository--she already knows the info and his repeating i detail seems unnatural. Suggest a slight trim:
"I do. He violated the restraining order by threatening you. The judge won't ignore his arrest. He could spend up to six months in jail and two years on probation."
OTHERWISE--the dialog is good and sounds true to life. In most places, well paced. You use action tags splendidly.
*
Paul stared at Troy, who studied the sidewalk,(no comma) before he asked, "Do you have something to tell me?"
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 11-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2011
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I have made the changes, thank you for your eagle eye.
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Most welcome dear B. :)
Comment from JW
Though your story is well written, it has me a little confused. In your story you state "The photos and doctor's testimony proved your case. He's looking at domestic violence in the second degree, which is a class C felony.""
Yet Bobby is only given six months jail, etc?
Where I live - a class C felony would deem a fews years prison time.
Also, even though I see the author's notes about why the trial was not included - in my personal opinion - leaving it out completely leaves the reader dissappoint since the previous chapters builds up to this trial. Just referencing it in the past (at least for me) was a let down.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2011
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Though your story is well written, it has me a little confused. In your story you state "The photos and doctor's testimony proved your case. He's looking at domestic violence in the second degree, which is a class C felony.""
Yet Bobby is only given six months jail, etc?
Where I live - a class C felony would deem a fews years prison time.
Also, even though I see the author's notes about why the trial was not included - in my personal opinion - leaving it out completely leaves the reader dissappoint since the previous chapters builds up to this trial. Just referencing it in the past (at least for me) was a let down.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2011
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I will consider your viewpoint. I'm just afraid readers reading two trials back to back will be two much. I did extensive research on domestic violence and this is the normal sentence. In many states you will get a stiffer sentence for animal abuse than spousal abuse. Thank you for your review and thoughts. I hope I helped, if not I will try again.