Life, Love, and Other Disasters
Viewing comments for Chapter 18 "Juliet"A collection of poems on these themes
104 total reviews
Comment from gazzagodbod
loved this my friend could just imagine you rummaging in the rubbish for that serviette great work great talent thank you xxgazzaxx
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2013
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loved this my friend could just imagine you rummaging in the rubbish for that serviette great work great talent thank you xxgazzaxx
Comment Written 07-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2013
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Thnks, Gazza
Yeah, wouldn't be the first time I'd rummaged around in the garbage to track down some piece of fluff!
Steve
Comment from Suzarb
Yes, recognized Poe immediately... you've done him proud, my friend. Thoroughly enjoyed this piece, its meter, word choice and story perfection. Bravo bravo bravo! I loooooved it!!!!
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2013
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Yes, recognized Poe immediately... you've done him proud, my friend. Thoroughly enjoyed this piece, its meter, word choice and story perfection. Bravo bravo bravo! I loooooved it!!!!
Comment Written 07-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2013
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Thanks so much for the enthusiastic review and the six shiny stars.
Steve
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I calls 'em as I sees 'em... :-)
Comment from LadyCosgrove
Well, you didn't choose the easiest of forms for this intriguing tale, yet for the most part you pulled it off brilliantly.
I am a little puzzled by the massive leap from 'first contact' to 'next of kin', but apart from that it reads very well.
Nicely done.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2013
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Well, you didn't choose the easiest of forms for this intriguing tale, yet for the most part you pulled it off brilliantly.
I am a little puzzled by the massive leap from 'first contact' to 'next of kin', but apart from that it reads very well.
Nicely done.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2013
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Thank you
yes, there are as many illogicalities as an everyday TV detective drama - I claim poetic licence - you are supposed to overlook them!
Steve
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Ah! I wouldn't know since I don't watch much TV ...and never 'detective' dramas. Doesn't sound like I am missing much.
Consider it overlooked :o)
Comment from chasennov
'Juliet.' This is indeed an excellent poem, and it reminds very much of the style of 'Banjo' Paterson, the Astralian bush poet 'The Man From Snowy River.' Well done.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2013
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'Juliet.' This is indeed an excellent poem, and it reminds very much of the style of 'Banjo' Paterson, the Astralian bush poet 'The Man From Snowy River.' Well done.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2013
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Thank you.
yes, Banjo was also fond of internal rhymes and intriguing stories, although I think other poems in my portfolio may be closer to his style e.g. Country Justice, The Coat-Tail Ghost or Smiler Jack
Steve
Steve
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I would like to read those poems of yours.
Comment from amahra
Oh thank you for the author notes. I went back and read it again. No. I didn't recognize it at first. My Bad. I really liked the poem and recognized its difficulty. Great job.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2013
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Oh thank you for the author notes. I went back and read it again. No. I didn't recognize it at first. My Bad. I really liked the poem and recognized its difficulty. Great job.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2013
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Thanks for the review and the six stars - much appreciated.
Steve
Comment from Cornelius2000
Fifth verse, third line, if you'd change "fierce" to "fiercely" I think it would read better. But on the whole I want to say, "congratulations," I think it's quite a remarkable feat. You do force us to mis-pronounce "palette" in order to rhyme with "beset," but that's a small matter. Well done!
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2013
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Fifth verse, third line, if you'd change "fierce" to "fiercely" I think it would read better. But on the whole I want to say, "congratulations," I think it's quite a remarkable feat. You do force us to mis-pronounce "palette" in order to rhyme with "beset," but that's a small matter. Well done!
Comment Written 07-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2013
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Thanks for the great review and suggestions.
Pronunciation of palette may be a matter of accents - I certainly tend to stress the second syllable (and thus avoid confusion with palate and pallet) but I've had a quick check online and only one source lists my way....
Steve
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Steve: I keep forgetting that FanStory is international, and that what rhymes in one Country might not rhyme in another. Dave
Comment from Pili Pubul
I have no more sixes, but you deserve them, yes I recognize poe's music
In your astounding creation, certainly original and intriguing.
Fabulous style , very eerie imagery, surprising end. Good luck in the contest. Pili
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2013
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I have no more sixes, but you deserve them, yes I recognize poe's music
In your astounding creation, certainly original and intriguing.
Fabulous style , very eerie imagery, surprising end. Good luck in the contest. Pili
Comment Written 07-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2013
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Pili, thank you for the kind words and the virtual six - much appreciated.
Steve
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You are welcome. Pili
Comment from adewpearl
You have a great ear to recreate the cadence and internal rhymes of Poe as you interpret this eerie art work
good alliteration in phrases like sick of soul and sorely
great mood-creating details in lines like skin a ghastly color from the Devil's own palette
You tell a compelling story that complements the contest art extremely well :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2013
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You have a great ear to recreate the cadence and internal rhymes of Poe as you interpret this eerie art work
good alliteration in phrases like sick of soul and sorely
great mood-creating details in lines like skin a ghastly color from the Devil's own palette
You tell a compelling story that complements the contest art extremely well :-) Brooke
Comment Written 07-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2013
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Thanks, Brooke
I found I had to work hard to get into the style and now, of course, I can't get those confounded running triple rhymes out of my head....
Steve
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that happens to me - sometimes I post the same style poem three posts in a row because it gets stuck in the brain :-)
Comment from Righteous Riter
The writer tells the story clearly from beginning to end. The writer does a good job of tapping into the readers mind allowing the reader to digest the words written. I enjoyed reading this piece as I would recommend this piece to other readers.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2013
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The writer tells the story clearly from beginning to end. The writer does a good job of tapping into the readers mind allowing the reader to digest the words written. I enjoyed reading this piece as I would recommend this piece to other readers.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2013
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Thanks, RR!
Steve
Comment from elchupakabra
This was a really strong piece, I thought it gained momentum as I read which was important. The beginning stanza's throw me slightly, because I always dislike sentences ending in the same word in a rhyme scheme(serviette, serviette, Juliet, Juliet, Juliet), but it was a neglible detail in this case because I was swept up in the assonance of the piece. Assonance is one of my favorite literary devices because of how much it improves the flow of a piece. Really excellent work here, good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2013
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This was a really strong piece, I thought it gained momentum as I read which was important. The beginning stanza's throw me slightly, because I always dislike sentences ending in the same word in a rhyme scheme(serviette, serviette, Juliet, Juliet, Juliet), but it was a neglible detail in this case because I was swept up in the assonance of the piece. Assonance is one of my favorite literary devices because of how much it improves the flow of a piece. Really excellent work here, good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2013
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Thanks for the kind words.
I used repetition because I was trying to echo Poe's work which uses it extremely effectively, famously on the words Lenore/nevermore
Thanks for spotting the other major sound device of assonance.
Steve