Writings From the Heart
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "I leave this Note "A book of Poetry & Writing
104 total reviews
Comment from drivenbackward
Great poem, deepwater. I have been reading a lot of war poems recently, and they begin to sound redundant, but this one is clever, unique, and powerful. No nits.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2014
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Great poem, deepwater. I have been reading a lot of war poems recently, and they begin to sound redundant, but this one is clever, unique, and powerful. No nits.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2014
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thank you
Comment from Bryan G
This is a great poem. You have beautifully captured the conditions and emotions of the trenches. Using the perspectives of soldier's on both sides helped me see that both sides were fighting and dying for king and country. What a waste.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2014
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This is a great poem. You have beautifully captured the conditions and emotions of the trenches. Using the perspectives of soldier's on both sides helped me see that both sides were fighting and dying for king and country. What a waste.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2014
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thanks Bryan
Comment from adewpearl
effective pairing of photo and poem
strong rhymes
excellent use of parallel construction
good alliteration in fight for Kaiser and country, mine as mud and fight as foe
a moving look at the tragic impact of war on young soldiers and their families of both sides
Brooke
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2014
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effective pairing of photo and poem
strong rhymes
excellent use of parallel construction
good alliteration in fight for Kaiser and country, mine as mud and fight as foe
a moving look at the tragic impact of war on young soldiers and their families of both sides
Brooke
Comment Written 19-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2014
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Thanks Brooke
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
A good poem about a sad period in history. I like the way you tackled this - giving both sides of the story. They were young men just doing what they had to do - on both sides. I've visited the battlefields in France and was surprised at how small no-man's-land is - not much more than a football pitch. And still war goes on somewhere in the world. Well written about a sad period. Kind regards Dorothy
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2014
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A good poem about a sad period in history. I like the way you tackled this - giving both sides of the story. They were young men just doing what they had to do - on both sides. I've visited the battlefields in France and was surprised at how small no-man's-land is - not much more than a football pitch. And still war goes on somewhere in the world. Well written about a sad period. Kind regards Dorothy
Comment Written 19-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2014
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Thank you Dorothy
Comment from rjuselius
this is an exquisite piece of poetic art! i love the way you repeat yourself in the first and second stanza giving the feel that war is felt the same way everywhere. nice one!
thank you for sharing! virtual sixes..
rebekka x
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2014
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this is an exquisite piece of poetic art! i love the way you repeat yourself in the first and second stanza giving the feel that war is felt the same way everywhere. nice one!
thank you for sharing! virtual sixes..
rebekka x
Comment Written 19-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2014
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thanks rebekka
Comment from GangGreen
The most striking and innovative feature of this poem is that the second stanza mirrors the first almost word for word except that in the second the word Kaiser is replaced by King which emphasises that the soldiers in the opposing trenches are essentially very much the same people.This Has further resonance when one considers that the Kaiser and the King were cousins.The Poem seems to be asking WHY .Technically the poems rhythm,tone and lexical choice underline its sombre subject matter.I read this with trepidation having read some dreadful war poems written by people who weren't there. This is not one of them.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2014
 |
The most striking and innovative feature of this poem is that the second stanza mirrors the first almost word for word except that in the second the word Kaiser is replaced by King which emphasises that the soldiers in the opposing trenches are essentially very much the same people.This Has further resonance when one considers that the Kaiser and the King were cousins.The Poem seems to be asking WHY .Technically the poems rhythm,tone and lexical choice underline its sombre subject matter.I read this with trepidation having read some dreadful war poems written by people who weren't there. This is not one of them.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2014
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thank you for this six and the review
Gary
Comment from jadapenn
A really sad poem, Deepwater, as you examine the thoughts on both sides of this cold war. Then in the end both of these young soldiers die on the same day. It always is such a waste of human life - these wars. Well penned. luv jada
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2014
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A really sad poem, Deepwater, as you examine the thoughts on both sides of this cold war. Then in the end both of these young soldiers die on the same day. It always is such a waste of human life - these wars. Well penned. luv jada
Comment Written 19-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2014
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thank you Jada
Comment from CR Delport
I think the old adage is true: In war there are no winners. Even the victors lose so much. This is very well written. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2014
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I think the old adage is true: In war there are no winners. Even the victors lose so much. This is very well written. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2014
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thank you CR
Comment from Scarlette DeLuca
Hands down the best thing I've read in ages. The sadness of the young soldiers, the similarities and the futility of war all wrapped together in a beautifully written poem. This imagery will stay with the reader. Kudos my friend, I would swear you were there!
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2014
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Hands down the best thing I've read in ages. The sadness of the young soldiers, the similarities and the futility of war all wrapped together in a beautifully written poem. This imagery will stay with the reader. Kudos my friend, I would swear you were there!
Comment Written 19-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2014
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thank you for this review
Gary
Comment from MM lives on :)
Hello poet I love WW2 stuff and especially the German series...one suggestion and a big one is INCREASE YOUR FONT SIZE ASAP. For some it is hard to fully appreciate it without an increase...please let me know once you do for a re-read.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2014
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Hello poet I love WW2 stuff and especially the German series...one suggestion and a big one is INCREASE YOUR FONT SIZE ASAP. For some it is hard to fully appreciate it without an increase...please let me know once you do for a re-read.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2014
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thanks Chris