tanka (empty bell tower)
For whom the bell tolls?78 total reviews
Comment from Bill Schott
This tanka, Empty Bell Tower, captures that inspiring, but sad image of a edifice constructed to call us to praise. With your words we see that same tower reduced to a hinting of the same message, toned down and otherwise appropriated. Important piece.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
  |
This tanka, Empty Bell Tower, captures that inspiring, but sad image of a edifice constructed to call us to praise. With your words we see that same tower reduced to a hinting of the same message, toned down and otherwise appropriated. Important piece.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
-
Thank Bill, for your review. I am always saddened to see houses of worship, schools, and other buildings which have removed the bells from their bell towers. Today, new buildings are built with fake bell towers with no bells. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
This is a beautiful tanka Sis. Perfect in construction and the words are well thought out. A great entry for the tanka contest - Good luck - warm regards Dorothy
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
|
This is a beautiful tanka Sis. Perfect in construction and the words are well thought out. A great entry for the tanka contest - Good luck - warm regards Dorothy
Comment Written 05-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
-
Thank you, Dorothy, for your review of my "beautiful tanka" and for wishing me the best in the competition.
Comment from DR DIP
Wow Sis just the background sounds alone of the wind chimes is so therapeutic.
This is a great effort and considering I have never attempted a Tanka myself I admire your wonderful effort.
I am going to do something I have never done before and that is give a 6 for any haiku or Tanka poem I have read. This one and your explanation in your author's notes struck a chord with me and I am not easily inspired by these types of poems well done
dip
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
 |
Wow Sis just the background sounds alone of the wind chimes is so therapeutic.
This is a great effort and considering I have never attempted a Tanka myself I admire your wonderful effort.
I am going to do something I have never done before and that is give a 6 for any haiku or Tanka poem I have read. This one and your explanation in your author's notes struck a chord with me and I am not easily inspired by these types of poems well done
dip
Comment Written 05-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
-
Thank you, Dip, for your generous, six star review. You would not believe how many drafts I went through after a stopped to listen and record wind chimes on February 5 in a city which had removed most of the bells in its towers. I am glad my first "great effort" at a tanka struck a chord with you. Thanks again, my friend.
-
a pleasure
dip
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello, Andre,
''for whom the bells tolls... it tolls for thee" Hemingway's famous words. Your description line gives the reader a good heads up of what comes ahead.
I love your tanka and the presentation is elegant and beautiful. I want to keep listening to the soundtrack over and over. LoL
I get a peaceful feeling and for some reason... my mind keeps going to Christmas time ... probably the words 'silent night' and 'peace'.
As you know, tanka is divided into two parts. The top part is a lot like a haiku and the second part is a commentary of the haiku.
...........................................................
empty bell tower
preserves winter's silent night
pigeons roost in peace<---- pivot line
...........................................................
tinkling wind chimes on bare tree
call me to meditation
...........................................................
On your haiku portion, you give us very concrete images of what you observed on your way to church. In your lower phrase, you tell us how you felt about it.
Windchimes call the spirit to settle down and be calm. It's quite literally a call to meditation.
Your composition is well done and nothing needs to be corrected but I like tanka that flows uninterrupted.
See these two examples to illustrate my point....
one narcissus
draws close to another
like the only
two adolescent boys
in the universe
by Tada Chimako
................
as I come out and look up
from the coast of Tagonoura,
the pure white snow keeps falling
on the lofty peak
of Mount Fuji
by Yamabe no Akahito
............................................
Take care, my friend,
Gypsy Sensei
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
|
Hello, Andre,
''for whom the bells tolls... it tolls for thee" Hemingway's famous words. Your description line gives the reader a good heads up of what comes ahead.
I love your tanka and the presentation is elegant and beautiful. I want to keep listening to the soundtrack over and over. LoL
I get a peaceful feeling and for some reason... my mind keeps going to Christmas time ... probably the words 'silent night' and 'peace'.
As you know, tanka is divided into two parts. The top part is a lot like a haiku and the second part is a commentary of the haiku.
...........................................................
empty bell tower
preserves winter's silent night
pigeons roost in peace<---- pivot line
...........................................................
tinkling wind chimes on bare tree
call me to meditation
...........................................................
On your haiku portion, you give us very concrete images of what you observed on your way to church. In your lower phrase, you tell us how you felt about it.
Windchimes call the spirit to settle down and be calm. It's quite literally a call to meditation.
Your composition is well done and nothing needs to be corrected but I like tanka that flows uninterrupted.
See these two examples to illustrate my point....
one narcissus
draws close to another
like the only
two adolescent boys
in the universe
by Tada Chimako
................
as I come out and look up
from the coast of Tagonoura,
the pure white snow keeps falling
on the lofty peak
of Mount Fuji
by Yamabe no Akahito
............................................
Take care, my friend,
Gypsy Sensei
Comment Written 05-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
-
Oh, thank you, Gypsy, for your detailed, instructive review. I especially like Tada Chimako tanka.It took me a month to write mine. I wanted to see what I could achieve on my own before the tanka class starts tomorrow. People's and your encouragement makes me want to write more. Thanks.
Comment from angel123
I think it's amazing how we get our motivation to write. It just happens naturally that spark of creativity from events and human interaction. I enjoyed reading your meaningful poem and your artwork choice is excellent for it. I was touched by your poem. It awakened feelings within me.
angel123
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
|
I think it's amazing how we get our motivation to write. It just happens naturally that spark of creativity from events and human interaction. I enjoyed reading your meaningful poem and your artwork choice is excellent for it. I was touched by your poem. It awakened feelings within me.
angel123
Comment Written 05-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
-
yes, angel123, wind chimes and tanka poetry have a way to awaken feeling within and to touch people. I was walking to a bell-less church one day when tinkling wind chimes on a bare tree stopped me in my tracks. I listened and recorded it. I replayed the recording for a month as I wrote my first tanka. Thanks again.
Comment from ~Dovey
Hi Sis Cat,
Your tanka is written to a perfect syllable count. It evokes imagery that is enhanced by your shared author's notes. To me it says that you can find spiritual moments anywhere, even if you aren't necessarily looking. Excellent work!
Good luck in the contest!
Kim
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
|
Hi Sis Cat,
Your tanka is written to a perfect syllable count. It evokes imagery that is enhanced by your shared author's notes. To me it says that you can find spiritual moments anywhere, even if you aren't necessarily looking. Excellent work!
Good luck in the contest!
Kim
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
-
Thank you, Dovey, for your review. You are right: "you can find spiritual moments anywhere, even if you aren't necessarily looking."
Thank you also for wishing me the best in the contest.
Comment from visionary1234
This is lovely tanka, Andre! As far as I can see, it's in perfect form and deserves to be rewarded as such! I'm a windchime fanatic and for once, didn't find the sound distracting as I read your piece.
:)Sharyn
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
|
This is lovely tanka, Andre! As far as I can see, it's in perfect form and deserves to be rewarded as such! I'm a windchime fanatic and for once, didn't find the sound distracting as I read your piece.
:)Sharyn
Comment Written 05-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
-
Yes, Sharyn, wind chimes are such a soothing, meditative sound. Thank you for your generous, six star review. I appreciate it.
Comment from damommy
I find wind chimes soothing, too. They're like the angels' wings sending a message.
If this is your first tanka, then I'm really impressed.
Beautiful job. 8-)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
|
I find wind chimes soothing, too. They're like the angels' wings sending a message.
If this is your first tanka, then I'm really impressed.
Beautiful job. 8-)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
-
Yes, damommy, my first tanka took me a month to write after tinkling wind chimes in a bell-less neighborhood stopped me in my tracks. I listened and recorded them on my phone, marking the first time I recorded a sound so I could use it as inspiration for a poem. I am glad you are "really impressed" by my first tanka. Thanks again.