Chronicles of the Wandering Man
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Black Moon Glinting"An extended story in poem form
89 total reviews
Comment from Roy Merritt
I must say this is a unique composition and the words very enticing evoking a multitude of images. It seems I was back in the early seventies when I experimented with acid. But I must admit that the endless action that was occurring left me in a state of confusion, which the acid often gave me as well. Once I could see the curvature of the earth from a second story window. But I never thought I could fly. But this composition would no doubt engage me in such a way. Despite my lack of totally grasping the fantasy I must say I still enjoyed the journey.
reply by the author on 02-May-2010
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I must say this is a unique composition and the words very enticing evoking a multitude of images. It seems I was back in the early seventies when I experimented with acid. But I must admit that the endless action that was occurring left me in a state of confusion, which the acid often gave me as well. Once I could see the curvature of the earth from a second story window. But I never thought I could fly. But this composition would no doubt engage me in such a way. Despite my lack of totally grasping the fantasy I must say I still enjoyed the journey.
Comment Written 02-May-2010
reply by the author on 02-May-2010
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lol, thank you, Roy :-). I often find my mind in mad worlds, dreaming up bizarre situations for weird characters. I guess I spend the creative process on a natural high, as it were. So glad you enjoyed this!
Mike
Comment from jadapenn
Hi Mike, I certainly liked this dark saga of intrigue. For seconds I held my breath as these living dead draped their dreams over him. I could just visualise them tearing his flesh from his limbs. But no, the story has a positive ending.
Well penned and interesting in a gruesome way. lol. luv jada - Oh, like your new image but your whiskers are a bit long. lol.
reply by the author on 02-May-2010
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Hi Mike, I certainly liked this dark saga of intrigue. For seconds I held my breath as these living dead draped their dreams over him. I could just visualise them tearing his flesh from his limbs. But no, the story has a positive ending.
Well penned and interesting in a gruesome way. lol. luv jada - Oh, like your new image but your whiskers are a bit long. lol.
Comment Written 02-May-2010
reply by the author on 02-May-2010
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lol, thanks Jada. I'll tell Ozzy (aka The Codfather) that he needs his whiskers trimmed. Not sure he'll be impressed, mind you! Thanks for reading, and even more for sharing your thoughts and reactions with me :-)
Mike
Comment from Janine Ellis-Fynn
What a powerful, moving poem with haunting, dark descriptions. These savage people sound ominous and the girl is interesting and tormented. I am looking forward to the next edition. Very well done and worthy of a six star rating.
reply by the author on 03-May-2010
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What a powerful, moving poem with haunting, dark descriptions. These savage people sound ominous and the girl is interesting and tormented. I am looking forward to the next edition. Very well done and worthy of a six star rating.
Comment Written 02-May-2010
reply by the author on 03-May-2010
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Thank you, Janine :-). I'm flattered and honoured by your wonderful and fanastic review!
Mike
Comment from Peter Burger
Well crafted. The line breaks are really in sinc with the rhythm/rhyme scheme allowing for a good flow. The setting of an ominous world is well established. The twist of a female character who initially captures him in order to save him. Fisrt person narrative epic fantasy. Strong word choice/use of description balanced well with the pacing of story. Maybe not my thing, but well written.
"nowt" -- "naught"?
reply by the author on 02-May-2010
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Well crafted. The line breaks are really in sinc with the rhythm/rhyme scheme allowing for a good flow. The setting of an ominous world is well established. The twist of a female character who initially captures him in order to save him. Fisrt person narrative epic fantasy. Strong word choice/use of description balanced well with the pacing of story. Maybe not my thing, but well written.
"nowt" -- "naught"?
Comment Written 02-May-2010
reply by the author on 02-May-2010
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Thank you, Peter. Nowt is an English spelling of Naught, but they mean the same thing. I'm glad you enjoyed the read, even if it;s not your usual genre :-)
Mike
Comment from rama devi
Hey dear Mike,
As usual, not much to crit. but lots to praise. Your writing is tight and polished, with good word economy, crisp pace and fine rhyming in your well phrased lines.
High notes---
Despite their vicious, sick intent,
I didn't own the blame
to hate these creatures, pitiful.
All victims. All the same. (LOVE THE THEME HERE--insightful and compassionate)
AND
"my crime a single tear"--loved this line.
AND
We watched eternal starless night
as if to seek a way,
and then that moon winked down at us,
black glinting light at play. (Sweet!)
The birth of possibilities
then burgeoned in my mind.
If sun could flash, the world could heal;
regenesis defined. (Brilliant)
AND
Our mem'ries didn't hold our names
or stale identity, (Brilliant phrase)
All of those stanzas and sections stood out as remarkable.
just one suggestion, though i have not yet decided if I prefer it--to my ear this could use a dramatic pause after perhaps.
perhaps(,) my destiny?
Kudos.
Warm smiles,
rd
reply by the author on 03-May-2010
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Hey dear Mike,
As usual, not much to crit. but lots to praise. Your writing is tight and polished, with good word economy, crisp pace and fine rhyming in your well phrased lines.
High notes---
Despite their vicious, sick intent,
I didn't own the blame
to hate these creatures, pitiful.
All victims. All the same. (LOVE THE THEME HERE--insightful and compassionate)
AND
"my crime a single tear"--loved this line.
AND
We watched eternal starless night
as if to seek a way,
and then that moon winked down at us,
black glinting light at play. (Sweet!)
The birth of possibilities
then burgeoned in my mind.
If sun could flash, the world could heal;
regenesis defined. (Brilliant)
AND
Our mem'ries didn't hold our names
or stale identity, (Brilliant phrase)
All of those stanzas and sections stood out as remarkable.
just one suggestion, though i have not yet decided if I prefer it--to my ear this could use a dramatic pause after perhaps.
perhaps(,) my destiny?
Kudos.
Warm smiles,
rd
Comment Written 02-May-2010
reply by the author on 03-May-2010
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Thank you, RD, for the thoughtful review and wonderful comments :-). I like the idea of the pause, although I don't really like the comma there. For the moment it's got a new line break but it's still open to fiddling :-)
Mike
Comment from spiceydog
You have created a vivid scene in a violent world. Your words bring it all to life. And then to end with optimism and hope for the future in this land of darkness. The imagery is wonderful, I enjoyed every word
reply by the author on 03-May-2010
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You have created a vivid scene in a violent world. Your words bring it all to life. And then to end with optimism and hope for the future in this land of darkness. The imagery is wonderful, I enjoyed every word
Comment Written 02-May-2010
reply by the author on 03-May-2010
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Thank you, Spiceydog :-). I'm really glad you enjoyed the read.
Mike
Comment from Lou67
This is an excellent piece of writing I can't fault it in any way. Your writing is clear cut and easy to follow. Your storyline is interesting and flows smoothly, and your dialogue is natural. You have great talent well done.
reply by the author on 03-May-2010
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This is an excellent piece of writing I can't fault it in any way. Your writing is clear cut and easy to follow. Your storyline is interesting and flows smoothly, and your dialogue is natural. You have great talent well done.
Comment Written 02-May-2010
reply by the author on 03-May-2010
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Thank you, Lou. I'm, totally flattered. What a fantastic review :-)
Mike
Comment from Isaiah Ramesses
Well done on your addition to the tale. The poetry flowed well and the rhyming was great. I only have one suggestion.
At the close of his last adventure,>>didn't like the way that read. Maybe "as his last adventure came to a close" or something along those lines.
Just a suggestion.
Good job on this presentation.
Isaiah Ramesses
reply by the author on 03-May-2010
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Well done on your addition to the tale. The poetry flowed well and the rhyming was great. I only have one suggestion.
At the close of his last adventure,>>didn't like the way that read. Maybe "as his last adventure came to a close" or something along those lines.
Just a suggestion.
Good job on this presentation.
Isaiah Ramesses
Comment Written 02-May-2010
reply by the author on 03-May-2010
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Thank you :-). I'll have a think about the ending. SO glad you enjoyed the read!
Mike
Comment from ~Dovey
Your rhyme scheme and sense of structure are impeccable. I enjoyed the flow and the unique story line, however dark it might be. Since this is a continuation, I think I may have to go back to the beginning for a true appreciation of this work, however, you appear to be doing an outstanding job. :) Keep up the good work!
~Dovey
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 03-May-2010
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Your rhyme scheme and sense of structure are impeccable. I enjoyed the flow and the unique story line, however dark it might be. Since this is a continuation, I think I may have to go back to the beginning for a true appreciation of this work, however, you appear to be doing an outstanding job. :) Keep up the good work!
~Dovey
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-May-2010
reply by the author on 03-May-2010
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Thank you, Dovey. It's such positive reviews that give me the impetus to keep going. I'm so glad you took the time to read through and review :-)
Mike