Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Part three chapter three"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
95 total reviews
Comment from bookishfabler
I don't know why any one really needs stats. all they have to do is open their eyes and see what terrible abuse happens in our country alone, never mind other countries where in some it is even exceptable.
Bobby no!" she mumbled as her eyes opened wide and sweat rolls (rolled) down her face.(stay in past tense)
Bobby beat me so badly because I did(,) (and) I ended up here.
Great job
hugs heidi
reply by the author on 01-May-2011
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I don't know why any one really needs stats. all they have to do is open their eyes and see what terrible abuse happens in our country alone, never mind other countries where in some it is even exceptable.
Bobby no!" she mumbled as her eyes opened wide and sweat rolls (rolled) down her face.(stay in past tense)
Bobby beat me so badly because I did(,) (and) I ended up here.
Great job
hugs heidi
Comment Written 01-May-2011
reply by the author on 01-May-2011
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As often as I read this and I know the rules, I still mess up. Thank you for your kind review and eagle eye.
I honestly had a reviewer on my previous post who thought my posts was fantasy and thought Anna must be deranged to put up with that. I was shocked.
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LOL. Shocked is when a reader says it is too much dialogue liked everything else, and would like to read more, but gives you three stars. Excuse me? No, please don't come back. LOL.
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Some one told me to mute that person, but I didn't. They haven't visited me since. I was not really kind.
Comment from Shirley McLain
Continues to be an excellent story and the topic is such an important one to woman. I wish I could wiggle my nose and make this problem go away. Great job my friend.
reply by the author on 01-May-2011
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Continues to be an excellent story and the topic is such an important one to woman. I wish I could wiggle my nose and make this problem go away. Great job my friend.
Comment Written 01-May-2011
reply by the author on 01-May-2011
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I agree. I wish not another woman in any country would suffer any abuse. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from jclark
You really do a wonderful job of "growing" your characters and connecting them to the reader as well as to each other. The message conveyed here is such an important one and, hopefully, your writing may reach someone in need. I look forward to the next chapter and hope that Anna remains safe from Bobby.
Judy
reply by the author on 01-May-2011
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You really do a wonderful job of "growing" your characters and connecting them to the reader as well as to each other. The message conveyed here is such an important one and, hopefully, your writing may reach someone in need. I look forward to the next chapter and hope that Anna remains safe from Bobby.
Judy
Comment Written 01-May-2011
reply by the author on 01-May-2011
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Thank you for your kind review and encouraging words.
Comment from lola29
It is a miracle that Troy entered Anna's life. She really needs someone to watch over her and her child, especially now. I'm glad she's understanding that not all men are alike. This was another wonderful chapter.
Happy 1st day of May!
reply by the author on 01-May-2011
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It is a miracle that Troy entered Anna's life. She really needs someone to watch over her and her child, especially now. I'm glad she's understanding that not all men are alike. This was another wonderful chapter.
Happy 1st day of May!
Comment Written 01-May-2011
reply by the author on 01-May-2011
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Thank you for your kind review. I appreciate your support and friendship. I wish I had a May basket for you.
Comment from Gungalo
Your story continues to keep me reading, girl. You write so well that each chapter is over before it begins, nearly. I like that you have her thoughts on here the way you do. I'm not sure just how much you really needed to add to the author's comments. We all know the score out there.
Wonderfully penned, as always!!!
reply by the author on 01-May-2011
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Your story continues to keep me reading, girl. You write so well that each chapter is over before it begins, nearly. I like that you have her thoughts on here the way you do. I'm not sure just how much you really needed to add to the author's comments. We all know the score out there.
Wonderfully penned, as always!!!
Comment Written 01-May-2011
reply by the author on 01-May-2011
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I agree, but I honestly have had some readering who don't want to believe that this goes on. They can't understand why Anna allowed this to happen to her. One person thought to make it realistic I need to make Anna derranged. I almost had a cow. I wanted to slap this lady and claw out her eyes. I told her, as nicely as I could that this does happen and often.
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Barbara,
This is such a tender chapter in this great story. I feel so sorry for Anna. She has paid such a huge price for the mistake she made and I can't believe her parents disowned her over it. Now I think the only one she can turn to for help is Troy. When I read your author's notes I was stunned. I know there are so many abused women but wasn't aware the percentage was so high. Well done. Blessings, chey
reply by the author on 01-May-2011
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Hi Barbara,
This is such a tender chapter in this great story. I feel so sorry for Anna. She has paid such a huge price for the mistake she made and I can't believe her parents disowned her over it. Now I think the only one she can turn to for help is Troy. When I read your author's notes I was stunned. I know there are so many abused women but wasn't aware the percentage was so high. Well done. Blessings, chey
Comment Written 01-May-2011
reply by the author on 01-May-2011
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I have known women who's parents wouldn't forgive them for this mistake. Some of the women had a wonderful life with their husband and others didn't. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Sarah_Goldwell
This is another strong instalment. I really feel for Anna's predicament, it is so true to life including the way her parents shunned her for marrying Bobby and refusing to acknowledge their grandchild. Over 30 years ago when my ex-husband and I met, he had no idea his parents were racist until they refused to come to our wedding. When I fell pregnant with my first child, we attempted to build bridges- as you do- and thought we'd made progress. We attended a family BBQ one day, and their next door neighbour remarked over the fence, "What a beautiful baby, who's is he?"
My mother-in-law pointed at me and said, "hers." I can laugh now, but at the time it wasn't funny. My husband was so hurt.
I can never understand how parents can disown their children and any subsequent off-spring for marrying someone they love. Poor Michael doesn't stand a chance, and like a lot of women, Anna is trapped with no one to turn to for support- thank goodness for Troy. You have portrayed his character well and we're all rooting for Anna, hoping her feelings for troy are reciprocated.
I noticed just a couple of tiny nits you may want to take a look at.
[He set a colorful bouquet of spring flowers] - The word flowers is bordering on repetitive as you use it a couple of times later on. Maybe you could say something along the lines of:
[He set a colorful bouquet of tulips and daffodils ... I'm not very conversant on the names of spring flowers, but you know what I mean :-)
["A nurse said he'll be released this afternoon. He might have to stay in
a state ran home until I'm released."] - not sure what happened to the formatting in this section, the second part on the sentence appears on another line. Should 'ran' be 'run'? Also you use the word 'release' twice, you might want to consider an alternative, 'discharged' perhaps?
You ended on a good hook with Anna's inner thoughts and turmoil, ensuring the reader will come back to find out what she decides to do.
reply by the author on 01-May-2011
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This is another strong instalment. I really feel for Anna's predicament, it is so true to life including the way her parents shunned her for marrying Bobby and refusing to acknowledge their grandchild. Over 30 years ago when my ex-husband and I met, he had no idea his parents were racist until they refused to come to our wedding. When I fell pregnant with my first child, we attempted to build bridges- as you do- and thought we'd made progress. We attended a family BBQ one day, and their next door neighbour remarked over the fence, "What a beautiful baby, who's is he?"
My mother-in-law pointed at me and said, "hers." I can laugh now, but at the time it wasn't funny. My husband was so hurt.
I can never understand how parents can disown their children and any subsequent off-spring for marrying someone they love. Poor Michael doesn't stand a chance, and like a lot of women, Anna is trapped with no one to turn to for support- thank goodness for Troy. You have portrayed his character well and we're all rooting for Anna, hoping her feelings for troy are reciprocated.
I noticed just a couple of tiny nits you may want to take a look at.
[He set a colorful bouquet of spring flowers] - The word flowers is bordering on repetitive as you use it a couple of times later on. Maybe you could say something along the lines of:
[He set a colorful bouquet of tulips and daffodils ... I'm not very conversant on the names of spring flowers, but you know what I mean :-)
["A nurse said he'll be released this afternoon. He might have to stay in
a state ran home until I'm released."] - not sure what happened to the formatting in this section, the second part on the sentence appears on another line. Should 'ran' be 'run'? Also you use the word 'release' twice, you might want to consider an alternative, 'discharged' perhaps?
You ended on a good hook with Anna's inner thoughts and turmoil, ensuring the reader will come back to find out what she decides to do.
Comment Written 01-May-2011
reply by the author on 01-May-2011
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I have made those corrections. The flowers are tulips and daisies. I somehow couldn't picture roses. Troy is being careful not to comprise their relationship. Thank you for your kind review and insight.
Comment from Perp Ihebom
This is a nice ending to the last post. The story of this lady is following the typical pattern- ensnaring love that is followed by persistent abuse, then regret and self-blame, etc. Let's see how this one ends. kudos
reply by the author on 01-May-2011
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This is a nice ending to the last post. The story of this lady is following the typical pattern- ensnaring love that is followed by persistent abuse, then regret and self-blame, etc. Let's see how this one ends. kudos
Comment Written 01-May-2011
reply by the author on 01-May-2011
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Thank you for your kind review and support.
Comment from MS Writer
I find your statistics horrifying. The subject of the story is sad but you have written with such compassion and understanding that it is easy to read. I imagine Anna is a perfect composite of the abused woman. Great work.
I hope that you are feeling better and that the treatments are producing positive results.
reply by the author on 01-May-2011
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I find your statistics horrifying. The subject of the story is sad but you have written with such compassion and understanding that it is easy to read. I imagine Anna is a perfect composite of the abused woman. Great work.
I hope that you are feeling better and that the treatments are producing positive results.
Comment Written 01-May-2011
reply by the author on 01-May-2011
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I'll find out in a few months if the treatments produced positive results. I am still undergoing daily radiation treatments. Thank you for asking. I appreciate your kind review.
Comment from Writeaway...
Glad to see another chapter, hope your getting on okay Barbara. An intriguing read, you kept me in thralled from beginning to end and I cannot suggest anyhting for improvemnt, an excellent job, keep writing!! :)
reply by the author on 01-May-2011
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Glad to see another chapter, hope your getting on okay Barbara. An intriguing read, you kept me in thralled from beginning to end and I cannot suggest anyhting for improvemnt, an excellent job, keep writing!! :)
Comment Written 01-May-2011
reply by the author on 01-May-2011
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Thank you for your kind review. I had to stop and think, who's writeaway, I remember. A name change.
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I got a nasty review on one of my pieces - a lot of swearing invovled. I beleived it was someone from my school who knew I was a member on this site and they thought it was funny to make fun of my writing. So I changed my name so that they wouldn't be able to find me and I made my profile private viewing.
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That is horrible. My 18 year old son loves to write. I've tried to get him to post some stories here, but he refuses. I am sure it's for the same reason. He's a football player and I'm sure it isn't cool amongst the jocks.