Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Part two Chapter four"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
90 total reviews
Comment from Gungalo
Oh this is a scene so many must live. I feel for them all.
Your write is so right on and the little nuances that are truly not so little scream from your write, girl!! She's in for big time trouble and needs all the help she can get. Unfortunately guys like him usually never give up. Sigh, I hope she is going to be okay!!
You write with such tenacity and it shows!!! Love reading your story, Barbara, for it is sooo real!!!
reply by the author on 15-May-2011
  |
Oh this is a scene so many must live. I feel for them all.
Your write is so right on and the little nuances that are truly not so little scream from your write, girl!! She's in for big time trouble and needs all the help she can get. Unfortunately guys like him usually never give up. Sigh, I hope she is going to be okay!!
You write with such tenacity and it shows!!! Love reading your story, Barbara, for it is sooo real!!!
Comment Written 15-May-2011
reply by the author on 15-May-2011
-
Thank you for the kind review and your encouraging words.
-
My pleasure to read your brilliant write you!!
Comment from Nican
It doesn't take long for the action to start in this chapter portion.
"raised her collar" - I don't understand this reference - if it is as it reads, it seems unnecessary
"he'll be released in a few hours" - it's unlikely that a trained nurse would offer this information, particularly in the circumstances.
You'll need a birth certificate and a picture identification of yourself." -again a trained nurse would not have given him this advice but rather would have referred him to the head nurse or more likely, administration
Given the tirade from Bobby, I would have thought that there would have been a mention of Anna being terror stricken, upset rather than just tears and the cool thought "Whatever my next step is, I'd better hurry and do it."
I have not seen an abuse situation up close but I have read a great deal about abuse and much recently as it is prevalent in Nicaragua. I was so moved by it I wrote some poetry about it. Even some anti-abuse activists have been attacked here.
I thought your hospital scene was well constructed and the action good - no dull moments. It is also almost completely dialogue which is both interesting and informative as well as an action builder.
I liked your entire passage - the foregoing were just some thoughts.
reply by the author on 15-May-2011
|
It doesn't take long for the action to start in this chapter portion.
"raised her collar" - I don't understand this reference - if it is as it reads, it seems unnecessary
"he'll be released in a few hours" - it's unlikely that a trained nurse would offer this information, particularly in the circumstances.
You'll need a birth certificate and a picture identification of yourself." -again a trained nurse would not have given him this advice but rather would have referred him to the head nurse or more likely, administration
Given the tirade from Bobby, I would have thought that there would have been a mention of Anna being terror stricken, upset rather than just tears and the cool thought "Whatever my next step is, I'd better hurry and do it."
I have not seen an abuse situation up close but I have read a great deal about abuse and much recently as it is prevalent in Nicaragua. I was so moved by it I wrote some poetry about it. Even some anti-abuse activists have been attacked here.
I thought your hospital scene was well constructed and the action good - no dull moments. It is also almost completely dialogue which is both interesting and informative as well as an action builder.
I liked your entire passage - the foregoing were just some thoughts.
Comment Written 15-May-2011
reply by the author on 15-May-2011
-
I will take another look at those areas. Thank you for your review.
Comment from SWANNY
Nicely done. I liked the way you left of this segment and am curious to know what Ellen has to say and how she can assist. I didn't notice any problems to comment on.
reply by the author on 15-May-2011
|
Nicely done. I liked the way you left of this segment and am curious to know what Ellen has to say and how she can assist. I didn't notice any problems to comment on.
Comment Written 15-May-2011
reply by the author on 15-May-2011
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Mara del Mar
Wow! I would have liked to continue now with the reading, but I understand that was the best time to cut here. The issue is very controversial and I love the direct mode of narration. Excellent, and I want to keep reading. Congratulations! Very, very good!
reply by the author on 15-May-2011
|
Wow! I would have liked to continue now with the reading, but I understand that was the best time to cut here. The issue is very controversial and I love the direct mode of narration. Excellent, and I want to keep reading. Congratulations! Very, very good!
Comment Written 15-May-2011
reply by the author on 15-May-2011
-
Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from arnie47
This really goes to the heart of the matter and displays domestic abuse for what it is and for what it can do. It shows a bully and a confused, scared, and shaken victim. Now my only concern is how he bonded out of jail and went straight to the hospital where she was? I mean I think he was in jail for what he did to her, how could he know where she was? Did the authorities tell him? Is it the only hospital in town? And why wasn't a protective order given? I'll have to go and read previous chapters, but the writing is very good and the characterization good, for me it's just that what I questioned leaves holes in the story.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 15-May-2011
 |
This really goes to the heart of the matter and displays domestic abuse for what it is and for what it can do. It shows a bully and a confused, scared, and shaken victim. Now my only concern is how he bonded out of jail and went straight to the hospital where she was? I mean I think he was in jail for what he did to her, how could he know where she was? Did the authorities tell him? Is it the only hospital in town? And why wasn't a protective order given? I'll have to go and read previous chapters, but the writing is very good and the characterization good, for me it's just that what I questioned leaves holes in the story.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-May-2011
reply by the author on 15-May-2011
-
Well, Anna was taken from the house by ambulance and Bobby was still in the house, so I think even Bobby was smart enough to realize she's probably in the hospital. Anna has been in the hospital for less than 24 hours. She hasn't gotten a lawyer yet, because of the money situation. Give her time to get her act together, she's working on it. Thank you for the review. I am not sure why I recieved four stars?
Comment from lola29
I don't believe Bobby was arrested for his violent behavior. Or at least, an armed guard didn't intervene. He's a monster who needs to be stopped, and hope help is on the way. It's encouraging to now that Ellen Collier heard everything.
reply by the author on 15-May-2011
|
I don't believe Bobby was arrested for his violent behavior. Or at least, an armed guard didn't intervene. He's a monster who needs to be stopped, and hope help is on the way. It's encouraging to now that Ellen Collier heard everything.
Comment Written 15-May-2011
reply by the author on 15-May-2011
-
We shall see if Ellen can help. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from eliz100
Short and sweet but a good read from beginning to end, none the less. I like the idea that the nurse made up to give Anna some time.
reply by the author on 15-May-2011
|
Short and sweet but a good read from beginning to end, none the less. I like the idea that the nurse made up to give Anna some time.
Comment Written 15-May-2011
reply by the author on 15-May-2011
-
Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Deejharrington
I think an angel just walked into Anna's hospital room. At least I hope so. That SOB can't be allowed to take his son. I wanted to let you know what a terrific thing you are doing by putting the hotline number in your postings. You may never know how many women's lives you've changed or saved.
deb
reply by the author on 15-May-2011
|
I think an angel just walked into Anna's hospital room. At least I hope so. That SOB can't be allowed to take his son. I wanted to let you know what a terrific thing you are doing by putting the hotline number in your postings. You may never know how many women's lives you've changed or saved.
deb
Comment Written 15-May-2011
reply by the author on 15-May-2011
-
If I can help one women, then I am happy. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from c_lucas
Maybe Anna has found a safe haven. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read. Very good job.
Anna glanced up and saw a slightly graying women (woman) standing in the doorway. "May I help you?"
reply by the author on 15-May-2011
|
Maybe Anna has found a safe haven. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read. Very good job.
Anna glanced up and saw a slightly graying women (woman) standing in the doorway. "May I help you?"
Comment Written 15-May-2011
reply by the author on 15-May-2011
-
I have made the change. I will double check and make sure it's been corrected.
-
You're welcome, Barbara. Charlie
Comment from MS Writer
Excellent action and fear represented in this post. Though it is short you have expressed the dilemma faced by abused women. I'm always anxious for the next part of Anna's story. Well done. Enjoyable read.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 15-May-2011
|
Excellent action and fear represented in this post. Though it is short you have expressed the dilemma faced by abused women. I'm always anxious for the next part of Anna's story. Well done. Enjoyable read.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-May-2011
reply by the author on 15-May-2011
-
Thank you for your kind review.