Comment from Hareem.S

Excellent

Another great chapter. I love this story Barbara. Your writting is very gripping and the dialogues are very good too. I have read a few other chapters , cant wait to read more!

 Comment Written 11-Sep-2011

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reply by the author on 11-Sep-2011

Thank you for the kind review.

Comment from Margaret Snowdon

Excellent

Another great chapter,
the story moving on
naturally - it's like
watching a film, you
have the scenes described
so well.

a couple of minor things.. just ignore if not in agreement, my friend.

I'm sorry(,) this is my fault
says it dinner - it's
Paul rubbed Michael's hair - might you consider "ruffled" or "tousled"

Margaret

 Comment Written 11-Sep-2011

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reply by the author on 11-Sep-2011

I made the corrections. Thank you for the eagle eye.

Comment from snoopy lover

Excellent

I haven't read any of this work before but was able to jump in and understand what was going on. Your writing is quite clean and flows well. One suggestion that might help this chapter early on:

I saw the glare and so did Judge Parker.

Thanks and good luck!

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 11-Sep-2011

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reply by the author on 11-Sep-2011

I will recheck that area. Thank you for the kind review.

Comment from c_lucas

Exceptional

You have set in motion for the negative side of Bobby and his mother to come into play. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words. Very good job.

 Comment Written 11-Sep-2011

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reply by the author on 11-Sep-2011

Thank you for your continued support and review. I appreciate both.

reply by c_lucas on 11-Sep-2011

You're welcome, Barbara. Charlie