The Boatman
How far can one get with cheek?35 total reviews
Comment from Jesse James Doty
Wow, I thought this story would never end.
It was full of quips and funny lines and I guess this is why you won the contest. I guess writer's never prosper is your closing line and I smiled but not the best feeling in the world by any means. As a reader, I don't always think of myself as a writer instead I am just a plain old guy who likes to read.
Jesse
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2022
  |
Wow, I thought this story would never end.
It was full of quips and funny lines and I guess this is why you won the contest. I guess writer's never prosper is your closing line and I smiled but not the best feeling in the world by any means. As a reader, I don't always think of myself as a writer instead I am just a plain old guy who likes to read.
Jesse
Comment Written 19-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2022
-
Thanks, Jesse - this was fun to write :-)
Mike
-
I am glad for you.
Jesse
Comment from papa55mike
Evidently, writers never flourish in any world, including the afterlife. What a wonderfully written story. Congrats on the win! Best of luck with your writing.
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2022
|
Evidently, writers never flourish in any world, including the afterlife. What a wonderfully written story. Congrats on the win! Best of luck with your writing.
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment Written 19-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2022
-
Thanks so much, Mike. I'm really glad you liked it :-)
Mike
Comment from Michaela Moore
My friend, I loved this so much! Not being the brilliant Wordsmithy that you are, mere formation of letters will never be able to express how brilliant this piece is. But judging by your ribbons of excellence, I probably don't need to extoll you with praise. Once again, my favorite writing tools in this piece is, first and foremost, your diction. Then, next, the time you take to bring to fruition a tangible character of the boatman across the river Styx. And the dialogue that is froth with personality, which brings the whole piece into realism and puts me in the boat with these two delightful beings, is my third favorite. I am salivating with pure jealousy of your talent.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2022
 |
My friend, I loved this so much! Not being the brilliant Wordsmithy that you are, mere formation of letters will never be able to express how brilliant this piece is. But judging by your ribbons of excellence, I probably don't need to extoll you with praise. Once again, my favorite writing tools in this piece is, first and foremost, your diction. Then, next, the time you take to bring to fruition a tangible character of the boatman across the river Styx. And the dialogue that is froth with personality, which brings the whole piece into realism and puts me in the boat with these two delightful beings, is my third favorite. I am salivating with pure jealousy of your talent.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2022
-
Lol, careful, my friend, or you'll give me a big head! I'm so glad you liked this - I love taking familiar tropes and twisting them a little, and adore writing tongue in cheek dialogue. Thanks for the amazing response!
Mike
Comment from Judy Lawless
Sorry I don't have any sixes left for this one, Mike, because it's worthy. The first sentence that caught my attention was: " his voice like sand between granite slabs." A wonderful comparison! I love all the sarcasm and surprise ending too. Congratulations on winning the contest. :)
Just one thing: I think I'd replace the dash with a comma and add another one after "finishes"
- long after the club finishes about poetry and philosophy
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2022
|
Sorry I don't have any sixes left for this one, Mike, because it's worthy. The first sentence that caught my attention was: " his voice like sand between granite slabs." A wonderful comparison! I love all the sarcasm and surprise ending too. Congratulations on winning the contest. :)
Just one thing: I think I'd replace the dash with a comma and add another one after "finishes"
- long after the club finishes about poetry and philosophy
Comment Written 18-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2022
-
Thank you :-). As will probably not surprise you at all, I had lots of fun writing this one. I'll have a looknat that sentence - many thanks for the suggestion.
Mike
-
You?re quite welcome, Mike, and no I?m not surprised you had fun writing it. :)
Comment from Liz O'Neill
You open up with some great similes and metaphors. Your use of personification will definitely draw the reader in to immediately get a sense of the tone of the story. I certainly want to read on. The alliteration of b's & p's give the effect of explosive energy. This is true: "You know - like those people who put up Facebook posts that just say 'Sigh, at the hospital again' because they want everyone to ask how they got there." You are using great tongue-in-cheek humor. This is excellent. I don't have any 6's left. But I will still give you A+
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2022
|
You open up with some great similes and metaphors. Your use of personification will definitely draw the reader in to immediately get a sense of the tone of the story. I certainly want to read on. The alliteration of b's & p's give the effect of explosive energy. This is true: "You know - like those people who put up Facebook posts that just say 'Sigh, at the hospital again' because they want everyone to ask how they got there." You are using great tongue-in-cheek humor. This is excellent. I don't have any 6's left. But I will still give you A+
Comment Written 18-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2022
-
I think I tapped into my old Mike Rashaw character a little here. He's telling me he wants another story! He may have to wait in line. I'm so glad you liked this - it was lots of fun :-).
Mike
-
***Big Smile***
Comment from evilynne
Congratulations on the win! It was well deserved. I hope I was supposed the laugh. I actually thought the part about getting killed by the wife was too funny. Sorry, I don't have a sixer. Evi
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2022
|
Congratulations on the win! It was well deserved. I hope I was supposed the laugh. I actually thought the part about getting killed by the wife was too funny. Sorry, I don't have a sixer. Evi
Comment Written 18-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2022
-
Thank you, Evi - I'm so glad you liked it :-).
Mike
Comment from Cindy Warren
Congratulations on your win. It was well deserved. I didn't see that ending coming. I totally thought he was going to make it across. But I have to wonder what the axe blade can do if he's already dead.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2022
|
Congratulations on your win. It was well deserved. I didn't see that ending coming. I totally thought he was going to make it across. But I have to wonder what the axe blade can do if he's already dead.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2022
-
Lol, a fair question, and perhaps one I'll explore in another tale :-).
Mike
Comment from Jay Squires
This was an odd, but funny story. Your character's wry humor makes it funny contrasted with Charon's job ethic. Nothing better than a writer with writer's block and a wife without a sense of humor ... but with a sharp eye spike. You have quite an imagination, Tom.
Jay
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2022
|
This was an odd, but funny story. Your character's wry humor makes it funny contrasted with Charon's job ethic. Nothing better than a writer with writer's block and a wife without a sense of humor ... but with a sharp eye spike. You have quite an imagination, Tom.
Jay
Comment Written 17-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2022
-
Thanks, Jay. I'm really glad you liked this one - it was fun to write :-)
Mike
Comment from Spitfire
I did enjoy the read. In the first place your writing is brilliant with its descriptions. I could draw that Boatman who guided you through the river Styx. Also, a big laugh from me on the line about Ambrosia and rice pudding. I'm thinking the payment should be not silver, but taking away your member cent pumps. Perfect dialogue too--no words wasted.
Np doubt in my mind, you are a top-notch writer.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2022
|
I did enjoy the read. In the first place your writing is brilliant with its descriptions. I could draw that Boatman who guided you through the river Styx. Also, a big laugh from me on the line about Ambrosia and rice pudding. I'm thinking the payment should be not silver, but taking away your member cent pumps. Perfect dialogue too--no words wasted.
Np doubt in my mind, you are a top-notch writer.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2022
-
Thank you so much - what a wonderful review :-). I'm thrilled you enjoyed this one - it was lots of fun to write.
Mike
Comment from Gloria ....
It appears that getting across the River Styx is more complicated for a writer than for an ordinary bloke. By the sounds of things our writer got his with a triple load of awful, and his wife saw to his rightful demise.
I really enjoyed how you built up the setting with just the perfect amount of darkness with lots of roiling souls.
The ending was superb, and I can see why your entry won.
Much enjoyed. :))
Gloria
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2022
|
It appears that getting across the River Styx is more complicated for a writer than for an ordinary bloke. By the sounds of things our writer got his with a triple load of awful, and his wife saw to his rightful demise.
I really enjoyed how you built up the setting with just the perfect amount of darkness with lots of roiling souls.
The ending was superb, and I can see why your entry won.
Much enjoyed. :))
Gloria
Comment Written 17-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2022
-
Thank you, Gloria :-). I love writing humour and it had been a little while since I wrote so the descriptions were waiting to come out!
Mike