Santa's Little Secret, Part One
The Authorized Hidden History of Santa Claus28 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Jay,
Good stuff here, entertaining and intriguing. I like it when something familiar gets toyed with.
some odd years (234 for the lovers of exactitude) - I know it's not what i means but it tickled me to see odd yeas followed by an even number. lol
I like a bit of intentional author intrusion now and then. Sadly, most folk don't know they're doing it! lol
Then she looked up again at Ajdin and whispered, "It will be different tonight--you'll see.- closing speech marks missing at the end here.
"No, oh-ho-ho, Let me tell you what was difficult, Ajding," - let should be lower case, or period before.
I believe that is the reason you don't remember Jasmin." / And I know Jasmin loved you just as hopelessly - change in the name spelling here. (previously and later it's Jazmin)
All the best
G
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2023
  |
Hi Jay,
Good stuff here, entertaining and intriguing. I like it when something familiar gets toyed with.
some odd years (234 for the lovers of exactitude) - I know it's not what i means but it tickled me to see odd yeas followed by an even number. lol
I like a bit of intentional author intrusion now and then. Sadly, most folk don't know they're doing it! lol
Then she looked up again at Ajdin and whispered, "It will be different tonight--you'll see.- closing speech marks missing at the end here.
"No, oh-ho-ho, Let me tell you what was difficult, Ajding," - let should be lower case, or period before.
I believe that is the reason you don't remember Jasmin." / And I know Jasmin loved you just as hopelessly - change in the name spelling here. (previously and later it's Jazmin)
All the best
G
Comment Written 13-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2023
-
G, you are the best -- unbelievable in your catches. Of course, I know that from your close reading of The Trining. Jasmin/Jazmin. I think I know how that happened. I looked up popular female names in Turkey from the 200's. Jazmin came up and was chosen. Of course, today's usual spelling is Jasmin, so that naturally popped into my mind most easily when the use of her name came up. I like Jazmin best, so I'll change them to that. All of these changes, by the way, I will do at one go after part III drops. Again, my friend, your reviews mean so much to me.
Jay
Comment from susand3022
Lol, Jay, was the contest for a flash? That happens to me a lot too. Imagination sure can take over, especially when you're talking about the life of Santa! Looking forward to the rest, which could be here already, I don't know!
Susan :)
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2022
|
Lol, Jay, was the contest for a flash? That happens to me a lot too. Imagination sure can take over, especially when you're talking about the life of Santa! Looking forward to the rest, which could be here already, I don't know!
Susan :)
Comment Written 28-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2022
-
No, the rest is almost finished ... but it's longer than the first part, with no indwelling sense of the season to keep its interest high. That means I have to promote it very high if I want the readership -- and that takes time. Like you, I don't write fake reviews just for the monetary rewards. Bottom line, look for part II to be posted after the first week of the new year.
Thanks for your kind review, Susan!
Jay
Comment from Annmuma
Excellent contest entry! Creative, spell-binding and with a good flow from one scene to the next. The dialogue gives the reader some insight into the characters as their individuality and place comes through. Good job and l'm looking forward to part two.
ann
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2022
|
Excellent contest entry! Creative, spell-binding and with a good flow from one scene to the next. The dialogue gives the reader some insight into the characters as their individuality and place comes through. Good job and l'm looking forward to part two.
ann
Comment Written 26-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2022
-
Awww, thank you, Ann. Part two will take a week or two. It's kind of hard to get the creative mind cranking to Christmas Past. But I'll do it. Meanwhile, thanks for bumping this over to ATB! Much appreciated. I hope you had a scrumptious Christmas and have set up some exciting New Year's goals!
Jay
Comment from Liz O'Neill
A good image ending in a simile: "his nostrils aquiver above his frothy white mustachios that tumbled over either side of his mouth like fuzzy parentheses." A good approach to address the reader: "It's not too soon for me, as the authorized historian for these newly discovered lost chapters in Santa's life, to step in and soften the mystery for my readers." Interesting setting: ""It's the way he acts around us. We're like guests who have outworn their welcome, but he's too polite to show them the door. " This will draw the reader: " I'm telling you this, Papá and Mamá, because it has a bearing on our lives today and reveals our part, I truly believe, in God's master plan." Good examples of onomatopoeia.
reply by the author on 25-Dec-2022
|
A good image ending in a simile: "his nostrils aquiver above his frothy white mustachios that tumbled over either side of his mouth like fuzzy parentheses." A good approach to address the reader: "It's not too soon for me, as the authorized historian for these newly discovered lost chapters in Santa's life, to step in and soften the mystery for my readers." Interesting setting: ""It's the way he acts around us. We're like guests who have outworn their welcome, but he's too polite to show them the door. " This will draw the reader: " I'm telling you this, Papá and Mamá, because it has a bearing on our lives today and reveals our part, I truly believe, in God's master plan." Good examples of onomatopoeia.
Comment Written 24-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 25-Dec-2022
-
Thank you, Liz. I'm happy you enjoyed my Christmas story. Don't look for the follow-up chapter for a week or so. Have the Merriest of Christmases, my friend.
-
You also
Comment from Ulla
Wow, Jay, this was quite the Christmas story for the contest. I loved albeit I had to pay close attention to was really being said. It's beautifully thought out and written. Now, of course, I'm waiting for the continuation. Good luck. Oh, and by the way, Merry Christmas. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2022
 |
Wow, Jay, this was quite the Christmas story for the contest. I loved albeit I had to pay close attention to was really being said. It's beautifully thought out and written. Now, of course, I'm waiting for the continuation. Good luck. Oh, and by the way, Merry Christmas. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 24-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2022
-
Thank you so much, Ulla. I'm glad you stuck with it. The next part won't come until after the first of the year. Your six was glorious. I'm amazed you had one left!
-
Hehe, so am I, lol
Comment from Olivanne Marsh
I love the description of the beard and the creative plot. Good luck in the contest. This part is so well written, I am eager to read part two. You dialogue is masterful. I can't find a thing I would change. It's well done.
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2022
|
I love the description of the beard and the creative plot. Good luck in the contest. This part is so well written, I am eager to read part two. You dialogue is masterful. I can't find a thing I would change. It's well done.
Comment Written 24-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2022
-
You have made my day, Olivanne! Thank you for reaching out and, OMG, for the lovely six stars. I can't tell you how happy it makes me that you were so engaged! Have a blessed Holiday Season, my dear friend.
Jay
Comment from BethShelby
Wow! This is quite a story. Who knew Santa Claus had an illegitimate affair that he has forgotten about. Adjin seems to have all his marbles, but I'm not so sure about his sons. Even with all their whiskers it doesn't seem they matured past maybe age six or seven. I guess Jasmin didn't get the longevity gene. Since Santa's memory seems to be failing him more of late, can we expect a driver in the seat this year? By the way, I had no idea the whole bunch spoke Spanish. I though Santa was of German decent but what do I know.
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2022
|
Wow! This is quite a story. Who knew Santa Claus had an illegitimate affair that he has forgotten about. Adjin seems to have all his marbles, but I'm not so sure about his sons. Even with all their whiskers it doesn't seem they matured past maybe age six or seven. I guess Jasmin didn't get the longevity gene. Since Santa's memory seems to be failing him more of late, can we expect a driver in the seat this year? By the way, I had no idea the whole bunch spoke Spanish. I though Santa was of German decent but what do I know.
Comment Written 24-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2022
-
Ajdin travelled a lot. Gustav was German. Jose was Spanish. Ajdin, himself, was Turkish as were Nicholas and Anya. LOLhohohohahaha, thank you for reading it, Beth. I appreciate you so much. Have a Happy Holiday Season, my dear!
Jay
Comment from Father Flaps
Leave it to you, Jay, to tell us "the rest of the story" about Old Saint Nick. I should have guessed there was much more to my oldest hero, whom I heard most assuredly at the tender age of 10 or 11, up on the roof that Christmas Eve... I heard it all! Bells, reindeer hooves prancing, the runners of the magical sled. It was all there. Everything... except the "Ho! Ho! Ho!" So Santa strayed, and had a son with Jazmin. But Mrs. Claus forgave him, and went on loving him and cooking and sewing for him. Not only that, but loving his son as her very own, too! Then came grandsons. It's quite a tale, Jay. You are a marvelous storyteller!
I realized a couple of things as I read along. Santa's reindeer are long-lasting, too. How old they must be! And even the slightly more youthful Rudolf! But Nicholas is getting forgetful. That's the shocker! Is he getting senile? Early hints of dementia? Surely not! Now you've got me worried... and Christmas Eve 2022 right here. One of these years, Santa Claus might forget a rooftop or two... or three. Maybe I won't find any gifts under our tree tomorrow morning? That would be terrible! I've counted on him since I was a boy, as have many others who refuse to believe their parents lied to them so often during their childhood.
I have to wonder how Santa can fly through so much wind and snow, as he will have to do again tonight. It's mystifying. Magical. Maniacal?
Terrific entry for the Christmas story contest, Jay. The sure winner! You've opened my eyes... Santa is Spanish!!!
Merry Christmas, buddy! And a Happy & Healthy New Year!
your fan,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2022
|
Leave it to you, Jay, to tell us "the rest of the story" about Old Saint Nick. I should have guessed there was much more to my oldest hero, whom I heard most assuredly at the tender age of 10 or 11, up on the roof that Christmas Eve... I heard it all! Bells, reindeer hooves prancing, the runners of the magical sled. It was all there. Everything... except the "Ho! Ho! Ho!" So Santa strayed, and had a son with Jazmin. But Mrs. Claus forgave him, and went on loving him and cooking and sewing for him. Not only that, but loving his son as her very own, too! Then came grandsons. It's quite a tale, Jay. You are a marvelous storyteller!
I realized a couple of things as I read along. Santa's reindeer are long-lasting, too. How old they must be! And even the slightly more youthful Rudolf! But Nicholas is getting forgetful. That's the shocker! Is he getting senile? Early hints of dementia? Surely not! Now you've got me worried... and Christmas Eve 2022 right here. One of these years, Santa Claus might forget a rooftop or two... or three. Maybe I won't find any gifts under our tree tomorrow morning? That would be terrible! I've counted on him since I was a boy, as have many others who refuse to believe their parents lied to them so often during their childhood.
I have to wonder how Santa can fly through so much wind and snow, as he will have to do again tonight. It's mystifying. Magical. Maniacal?
Terrific entry for the Christmas story contest, Jay. The sure winner! You've opened my eyes... Santa is Spanish!!!
Merry Christmas, buddy! And a Happy & Healthy New Year!
your fan,
Kimbob
Comment Written 24-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2022
-
The historical Santa is and always will be rooted in Turkey. His son Ajdin, was not all that prolific, having two sons, one born in Germany, the second, some three hundred years later, in Mexico. The longevity gene clearly follows the male line. Any daughters he had were wilted flowers, dying in their youth in their seventies or eighties.
I don't know what I'd do without my own "Santa of Reviews" popping up each month, bringing the magic of believing back into my creative imagination. Thank you, Kimbob! Tonight's the big night.
Little known stat: Are you aware that all across the western hemisphere, Christmas Eve is the night of the most home invasions of the year? Over time, thieves have cracked the algorithm. All across the nation, and Canada, little Tommies and Janies, having given up hearing Santa's reindeer hooves on their roofs (and realizing they have central heating and no chimneys) toddle down the stairs, long about 2-3 AM and unlatch the back doors.
Kimbob, you keep the story alive with your grandkids, okay? Have a happy, safe and healthy Holiday Season. I'll see you 'round the bend.
Jay
I haven't completed the second part, which I should be doing between Christmas and the New Year. It will post after the child in us once again becomes jaded and dismissive of anything magic.
Comment from LJbutterfly
I knew you were going to come up with something unimaginable. Wow! Santa, the cheating husband who has a son out of wedlock and denies he is the father. Wow! I love the way you've demonstrated the jolly personality of Santa, and the nurturing attention Anya gives her forgetful husband. All of the characters are realistic and remind us of people we know. I enjoyed the writing, as well as the story. Well done. Best wishes in the contest.
Now I'm reluctant to post mine. (lol)
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2022
|
I knew you were going to come up with something unimaginable. Wow! Santa, the cheating husband who has a son out of wedlock and denies he is the father. Wow! I love the way you've demonstrated the jolly personality of Santa, and the nurturing attention Anya gives her forgetful husband. All of the characters are realistic and remind us of people we know. I enjoyed the writing, as well as the story. Well done. Best wishes in the contest.
Now I'm reluctant to post mine. (lol)
Comment Written 23-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2022
-
I never win these things, Lorraine! But you sure have a way of making me feel like a winner. Thanks so much!
Comment from Sarah Das Gupta
This is a new version on the old story of St Nicholas! He seems more interesting having strayed from the path! It is curious that he refuses to recognise his son! Next episode will be interesting!
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2022
|
This is a new version on the old story of St Nicholas! He seems more interesting having strayed from the path! It is curious that he refuses to recognise his son! Next episode will be interesting!
Comment Written 23-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2022
-
I'm happy you found this entertaining, Sarah. I do hope to have you around next time.