In Plain Sight
Lurking...28 total reviews
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Well I am glad that its early morning here as I read your scary story G. Great write, as always, had me holding my breath, and just when Joe thought he'd beaten it, it was beneath him. You've created a great story about Joe's story and I am sorry not to have a six left for it.
once more to it(s) normal proportions
Cheers
Valda
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2023
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Well I am glad that its early morning here as I read your scary story G. Great write, as always, had me holding my breath, and just when Joe thought he'd beaten it, it was beneath him. You've created a great story about Joe's story and I am sorry not to have a six left for it.
once more to it(s) normal proportions
Cheers
Valda
Comment Written 09-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2023
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Cheers once again. G
Comment from aryr
Wow, this was incredible, G. They were beyond words, they truly were. I loved the banter with himself deciding if he were truly insane. Very well done and greatly enjoyed. Blessings n hugs!
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2023
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Wow, this was incredible, G. They were beyond words, they truly were. I loved the banter with himself deciding if he were truly insane. Very well done and greatly enjoyed. Blessings n hugs!
Comment Written 07-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2023
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Many thanks my friend, haven't seen you around for a while. G
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You are so very welcome, G.
Comment from John Ciarmello
Holy crap!!!!! Hi, G! This is sensational. I didn't dare get lost reading this one.
I will never look at my shadow the same way again. I forgot where I was throughout this entire write. What spectacular writing, my friend.
I'm still not getting notifications for your writing! I will try to re-fan you and see if that does the trick. Damn, You're good! Best, JohnC
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2023
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Holy crap!!!!! Hi, G! This is sensational. I didn't dare get lost reading this one.
I will never look at my shadow the same way again. I forgot where I was throughout this entire write. What spectacular writing, my friend.
I'm still not getting notifications for your writing! I will try to re-fan you and see if that does the trick. Damn, You're good! Best, JohnC
Comment Written 07-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2023
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Many thanks John. I don't post that often, that may be why! lol G
Comment from w.j.debi
Scary! There is no hidding from your shadow. Poor Joe. He doesn't stand a chance.
He build the tension beautifully. I was ready to believe he had made it there in the floodlights and the rain
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2023
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Scary! There is no hidding from your shadow. Poor Joe. He doesn't stand a chance.
He build the tension beautifully. I was ready to believe he had made it there in the floodlights and the rain
Comment Written 07-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2023
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Much appreciated, especially for the shiny stars. G
Comment from Bill Schott
"Me and My Shadow" was a song from long ago, but I recall it as being less combative. I can almost see this story pulling together, action by action, as the empty glass of ideas turns the author from the keyboard, to the typewriter, and then finally to dreamland. I need to get some of those snug sheets. I noticed my shadow getting bigger a while ago. I am dieting now.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2023
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"Me and My Shadow" was a song from long ago, but I recall it as being less combative. I can almost see this story pulling together, action by action, as the empty glass of ideas turns the author from the keyboard, to the typewriter, and then finally to dreamland. I need to get some of those snug sheets. I noticed my shadow getting bigger a while ago. I am dieting now.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2023
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Much appreciated, Bill.
Comment from PoemsOfDD
This is a great story. I was gripped to the end - thinking I will not want to be left alone with my shadow anymore. And then - the twist. I chuckled out loud...
I'm underneath you... what!
Just a couple of suggestions, if I may.
Parents do not realise his fears are so real
Creaking of the floorboards begins his skin to p(e)el - rhymes better than pale.
Inky blackness hides their moves and at last they're free
Whispering their intent, sensed but seldom seen
Or
Inky blackness shades their moves hiding in between
Whispering their intent, sensed but seldom seen
- rhymes better and also you have used the word - free - in 5th verse.
Just food for thought. Thank you for sharing this enjoyable and suspenseful read.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2023
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This is a great story. I was gripped to the end - thinking I will not want to be left alone with my shadow anymore. And then - the twist. I chuckled out loud...
I'm underneath you... what!
Just a couple of suggestions, if I may.
Parents do not realise his fears are so real
Creaking of the floorboards begins his skin to p(e)el - rhymes better than pale.
Inky blackness hides their moves and at last they're free
Whispering their intent, sensed but seldom seen
Or
Inky blackness shades their moves hiding in between
Whispering their intent, sensed but seldom seen
- rhymes better and also you have used the word - free - in 5th verse.
Just food for thought. Thank you for sharing this enjoyable and suspenseful read.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2023
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Much appreciated. G
Comment from Malcolm Rothery
Powerful imagery that awoke an old memory from when I was young. My bedroom had a cupboard that I feared harboured a dark energy. It seemed to be almost staring back at me. I was scared that it would open up whenever I closed my eyes, letting the boogeyman out.
I really love your writing. It always makes me want to improve mine, though I would rather that happen without voices in my head! In my humble opinion you are the #1 story teller on FS.Thank you as always.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Powerful imagery that awoke an old memory from when I was young. My bedroom had a cupboard that I feared harboured a dark energy. It seemed to be almost staring back at me. I was scared that it would open up whenever I closed my eyes, letting the boogeyman out.
I really love your writing. It always makes me want to improve mine, though I would rather that happen without voices in my head! In my humble opinion you are the #1 story teller on FS.Thank you as always.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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I like to employ the 'write what you know', philosophy. But very specifically. lol i find if you write characters that feel real, have lives and identified and relatable emotions then you can get away with almost anything. That's the one aspect about which we all should 'know'.
I was wondering if you do any type of writing exercises, Malcolm? You know visualisation techniques or just sit down and write about different things, not necessarily for stories. i find this can help.
I will be posting a piece soon on some exercises that can help with being stuck and in just developing certain aspects.
Many thanks as always
G
Comment from Mark Kuglin
Wow! That was amazing.
Initially it hooked but didn't telegraph possible direction.
Throughout it felt like a Poe piece.
I loved the last line reveal.
Thanks for posting this.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Wow! That was amazing.
Initially it hooked but didn't telegraph possible direction.
Throughout it felt like a Poe piece.
I loved the last line reveal.
Thanks for posting this.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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It's all about setting the tone and mood in these pieces I think. Also, tapping into the relatable and identifiable emotions of the character.
'What if?' is the best two words I know for writing. What if I was faced with this. What I was in that positions. What would I feel. That's my version of writing what you know! lol
Much appreciated, Mark.
G
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Thanks for your reply and insights. Great points to remember and apply.
Comment from lyenochka
That's a scary story - especially for late night writers. I'm not quite sure who the audience is. I saw it as a short animated film as I could visualize it as a cartoon. I'm guessing the remembered poem is something from Joe's childhood and apparently the bogey man is himself/his shadow. I suppose there are dark thoughts in everyone.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2023
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That's a scary story - especially for late night writers. I'm not quite sure who the audience is. I saw it as a short animated film as I could visualize it as a cartoon. I'm guessing the remembered poem is something from Joe's childhood and apparently the bogey man is himself/his shadow. I suppose there are dark thoughts in everyone.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2023
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Many thanks for checking this one out. G
Comment from pome lover
well, sir, you certainly blurred the boundaries with this one. :)
Pretty scary stuff. a psychological thriller.
I did notice, however, that first you say, "Joe collapsed on the bed, head in hands...", then later, you say, "Joe threw himself down on the bed".
Was Joe, perhaps imbibing a bit of Irish whiskey? Just kidding.
I hope he squashed the "figment," shadow, bad dream.
Katharine
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2023
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well, sir, you certainly blurred the boundaries with this one. :)
Pretty scary stuff. a psychological thriller.
I did notice, however, that first you say, "Joe collapsed on the bed, head in hands...", then later, you say, "Joe threw himself down on the bed".
Was Joe, perhaps imbibing a bit of Irish whiskey? Just kidding.
I hope he squashed the "figment," shadow, bad dream.
Katharine
Comment Written 04-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2023
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Many thanks for reading and reviewing. G