A little chat (50 words)
My life in his hands12 total reviews
Comment from patricia dillon
This is a moving little piece. That it is a child doctor (or paediatrician) and therefore the narrator is presumably a child, adds to the poignancy. I wish you luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2023
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This is a moving little piece. That it is a child doctor (or paediatrician) and therefore the narrator is presumably a child, adds to the poignancy. I wish you luck in the contest.
Comment Written 15-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2023
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Thanks for reading and reviewing. The child doctor means that he looks so young to the patient.
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Of course! Forgive the silly misunderstanding.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Oh my goodness it sounds like bad news is coming and sitting down is probably the best was to receive it. A chilling write here and I am left fearful of the news here, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2023
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Oh my goodness it sounds like bad news is coming and sitting down is probably the best was to receive it. A chilling write here and I am left fearful of the news here, love Dolly x
Comment Written 15-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2023
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Thanks Dolly. X
Comment from pome lover
that is sad.
If you don't mind, may I make some suggestions just for you to think about? First, with only 50 words to tell a story, every single word counts and each word is important. You could do so much more with this. You could say "pediatrician"and save one word. Same with "get dressed" instead of "put your clothes back on." saved 3 words. If you'd said, "Get dressed and we'll have a little chat, it would've said the same thing and given you extra words. Also, this is a child's thoughts, so he/she needs to sound like a child. Child could've asked, "Is it somethin' bad?" Or some such thing. and if you wanted the child to say more, leave out the two sentences after "laughed nervously." You might show the child, shaking, or have him at the end, say something like, "Am I gonna be a angel?" or "Have I got chicken pot?" or something childlike.
Anyway, i hope you didn't mind. Just ideas.
Katharine
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2023
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that is sad.
If you don't mind, may I make some suggestions just for you to think about? First, with only 50 words to tell a story, every single word counts and each word is important. You could do so much more with this. You could say "pediatrician"and save one word. Same with "get dressed" instead of "put your clothes back on." saved 3 words. If you'd said, "Get dressed and we'll have a little chat, it would've said the same thing and given you extra words. Also, this is a child's thoughts, so he/she needs to sound like a child. Child could've asked, "Is it somethin' bad?" Or some such thing. and if you wanted the child to say more, leave out the two sentences after "laughed nervously." You might show the child, shaking, or have him at the end, say something like, "Am I gonna be a angel?" or "Have I got chicken pot?" or something childlike.
Anyway, i hope you didn't mind. Just ideas.
Katharine
Comment Written 14-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2023
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Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I am very surprised that you thought that this was about a child as that was not my intention.
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you said, "the child doctor". To me, that meant a pediatrician. Sorry if I misintrpreted.
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No worries. It meant that he looked very young.
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ah! :)
Comment from lancellot
Hmm, I a bit confused. I know fifty words isn't a lot but I think with the chosen words. I am unsure if this is a real doctor or a child playing doctor. I also don't know what a 'Godman' means in this context.
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2023
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Hmm, I a bit confused. I know fifty words isn't a lot but I think with the chosen words. I am unsure if this is a real doctor or a child playing doctor. I also don't know what a 'Godman' means in this context.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2023
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Thanks for reading and reviewing. Godman just means that the patient feels that his life is in the doctor?s hands.
Comment from Mia Twysted
I dread to hear the words that the doctor is going to say to the patient. You leave the reader hanging on with their heart leaping out of their chest.
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2023
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I dread to hear the words that the doctor is going to say to the patient. You leave the reader hanging on with their heart leaping out of their chest.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2023
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Thanks for reading and reviewing.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Excellent entry for the 50 Word Story writing prompt contest.
The story grabbed my interest. The dialogue is believable. And the characters seem real. I would you recommend it.
Gypsy
"Poetry heals the wounds inflicted by reason" -- Novalis
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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Excellent entry for the 50 Word Story writing prompt contest.
The story grabbed my interest. The dialogue is believable. And the characters seem real. I would you recommend it.
Gypsy
"Poetry heals the wounds inflicted by reason" -- Novalis
Comment Written 14-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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Thanks Gypsy.
Comment from jmdg1954
An excellent entry to the 50 word flash contest. Your twist at the end certainly hits home and devastatingly so.
Tough to do in so few words, but you nailed it.
John
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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An excellent entry to the 50 word flash contest. Your twist at the end certainly hits home and devastatingly so.
Tough to do in so few words, but you nailed it.
John
Comment Written 14-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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Thank you so much John for the great review.
Comment from Wendy G
This implies a lot without over-telling the situation, which is the hall-mark of good writing. Yes, the realisation is what that final sentence means. Sending best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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This implies a lot without over-telling the situation, which is the hall-mark of good writing. Yes, the realisation is what that final sentence means. Sending best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
Comment Written 13-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2023
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Thank you so much Wendy.
Comment from Ginda Simpson
In fifty words you have told a story all too familiar to most of us. You describe how those brief moments between not knowing and knowing feel like, how what's coming can change one's life forever. Nice job.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2023
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In fifty words you have told a story all too familiar to most of us. You describe how those brief moments between not knowing and knowing feel like, how what's coming can change one's life forever. Nice job.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2023
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Many thanks for the review and stars.
Comment from jessizero
This short piece was well-told. It captures the reader's interest and holds it until the ending, leaving them wondering what happens. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2023
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This short piece was well-told. It captures the reader's interest and holds it until the ending, leaving them wondering what happens. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2023
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Many thanks for the review and stars