The Pendle Witch
A teenage adventure in the Yorkshire Dales.3 total reviews
Comment from Natureschild
Hi Terry,
Congratulations on placing third in the contest.
I thoroughly enjoyed this tale of adventure. To me, this surpasses the first and second place winners as it has all the notes of good storytelling, suspense, and conflict. I was hooked from the beginning, and it kept me engaged to the end. You're the winner in my eyes.
From one Terry to another.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2024
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Hi Terry,
Congratulations on placing third in the contest.
I thoroughly enjoyed this tale of adventure. To me, this surpasses the first and second place winners as it has all the notes of good storytelling, suspense, and conflict. I was hooked from the beginning, and it kept me engaged to the end. You're the winner in my eyes.
From one Terry to another.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2024
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So generous, thank you.
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You're welcome.
Comment from Barry Penfold
I enjoyed this entry. Well written and a nice buildup of the mystery of the cave. Perhaps a little predictable is some ways but still held my interest until the end. All the best in the contest. Thanks for sharing and providing notes.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2024
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I enjoyed this entry. Well written and a nice buildup of the mystery of the cave. Perhaps a little predictable is some ways but still held my interest until the end. All the best in the contest. Thanks for sharing and providing notes.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2024
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Thanks, Barry.
Comment from samandlancelot
Hi Terry,
To attract readers of YA fiction, you might want to change your story's category from general fiction to YA fiction.
Your short, choppy sentences at the beginning of your story combined with the dog named Spot made me think this was a story for little children. Once the adventure began and your sentences lengthened, it seemed more like a young adult story. You might want to rework your opening (the reason for the four stars).
I liked your good witch/bad monster scenario. Your character's climbing background is a good inclusion for your story.
"The old folk tale says (you don't need 'old' because folktales (one word) are old. The rule: don't state the obvious.)
I knew I was being a scaredy-cat (Who wouldn't be afraid of witches and potholes that open up new worlds.)
How good was he at risk assessment? (I like her professional questioning in a nonstandard situation.)
The light reflected jaggedly from various wet surfaces as we crab-walked into the passage. We had to stoop to avoid bumping our heads on the rocky ceiling. The hard ground was uneven (Excellent descriptions!)
straggly green hair hung down limply like (Two adjectives--straggly, limply-- in the same sentence weakens the effect of your description.)
I hope this helps.
Patricia
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2024
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Hi Terry,
To attract readers of YA fiction, you might want to change your story's category from general fiction to YA fiction.
Your short, choppy sentences at the beginning of your story combined with the dog named Spot made me think this was a story for little children. Once the adventure began and your sentences lengthened, it seemed more like a young adult story. You might want to rework your opening (the reason for the four stars).
I liked your good witch/bad monster scenario. Your character's climbing background is a good inclusion for your story.
"The old folk tale says (you don't need 'old' because folktales (one word) are old. The rule: don't state the obvious.)
I knew I was being a scaredy-cat (Who wouldn't be afraid of witches and potholes that open up new worlds.)
How good was he at risk assessment? (I like her professional questioning in a nonstandard situation.)
The light reflected jaggedly from various wet surfaces as we crab-walked into the passage. We had to stoop to avoid bumping our heads on the rocky ceiling. The hard ground was uneven (Excellent descriptions!)
straggly green hair hung down limply like (Two adjectives--straggly, limply-- in the same sentence weakens the effect of your description.)
I hope this helps.
Patricia
Comment Written 25-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2024
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Thanks, Patricia, for your helpful suggestions.