Miracles
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Miracles - Chap 3"From the ashes of crime, miracles arise
18 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
This is a graphic description: see trust is thinning. This raises the sense of the plot. The news of the parole denial had traveled through the prison grapevine faster than a slippery pig on a slanted slope. This is a good way to end the chapter: "
Eleanor smiled. "One never knows what's just around the corner." She sipped her coffee and let her mind wander backward in time, remembering how Jenna had unexpectedly come back into her life."
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This is a graphic description: see trust is thinning. This raises the sense of the plot. The news of the parole denial had traveled through the prison grapevine faster than a slippery pig on a slanted slope. This is a good way to end the chapter: "
Eleanor smiled. "One never knows what's just around the corner." She sipped her coffee and let her mind wander backward in time, remembering how Jenna had unexpectedly come back into her life."
Comment Written 22-Nov-2024
Comment from Ric Myworld
". . . you'll never know what's just around the corner," doesn't that tell it exactly like it is for all of us. And should we truly want to know? I think it might drive us crazy, or crazier than we already are. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2024
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". . . you'll never know what's just around the corner," doesn't that tell it exactly like it is for all of us. And should we truly want to know? I think it might drive us crazy, or crazier than we already are. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2024
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I can't even deal with my todays let alone know about what will happen tomorrow... Nope! Surprise me! thanks as always.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from karenina
Hmmmm. I suppose there is that upper-crust variety prisoner who gets offered a T-Bone. It's nice, but not nearly as tasty as freedom! I can't imagine who Rebecca is, who might have left her money, and if she'll fall in with good or evil. That's why I read you! You keep me guessing!
Karenina
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2024
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Hmmmm. I suppose there is that upper-crust variety prisoner who gets offered a T-Bone. It's nice, but not nearly as tasty as freedom! I can't imagine who Rebecca is, who might have left her money, and if she'll fall in with good or evil. That's why I read you! You keep me guessing!
Karenina
Comment Written 06-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2024
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I've heard that soem are treated like royalty. It's all in who you are and what you can offer. The average Joe doesn't get treated that way though.
Smiles, Carol
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I can believe that. T Bones for some and mystery meat on toast for others. Yuck...
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Another great chapter Carol, with John showing that he hasw plenty of people under his influence. I'm already suspicious of Rebecca, wondering if she's one of his plants, but I shall leave that to you, and read on.
cheers
valda
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2024
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Another great chapter Carol, with John showing that he hasw plenty of people under his influence. I'm already suspicious of Rebecca, wondering if she's one of his plants, but I shall leave that to you, and read on.
cheers
valda
Comment Written 05-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2024
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Hi, Valda... Oh you are so kind, my friend. Thank you so much for enjoying the chapter and for trying to figure out what comes next. It's quite the story with it's twists and turns. I hope you continue to enjoy. Thank you so much.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Ulla
Oh Carol, this is just great writing, and now I don't have any six stars to give. It will have to wait until next Sunday. I just love this story. Yes, indeed, it's one of your best. Love, Ulla xcx
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2024
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Oh Carol, this is just great writing, and now I don't have any six stars to give. It will have to wait until next Sunday. I just love this story. Yes, indeed, it's one of your best. Love, Ulla xcx
Comment Written 04-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2024
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Knowing that you are enjoying the story is worth more to me than the sixes. They are awesome of course, but I write to share and enjoy. That means so much to me.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Wendy G
Sounds like the guards are looking after evil Doyle very well, and his arms are very long-reaching with all his connections in the world outside prison. Eleanor won't know who he has in his pocket or why. An excellent chapter, Jenna's fear is palpable and understandable.
Wendy
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2024
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Sounds like the guards are looking after evil Doyle very well, and his arms are very long-reaching with all his connections in the world outside prison. Eleanor won't know who he has in his pocket or why. An excellent chapter, Jenna's fear is palpable and understandable.
Wendy
Comment Written 04-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2024
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Money buys you anything material you want even in prison. Someday, I hope, money and power won't save John Doyle. Thanks for reading, Wendy.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Julie Helms
Carol, a great chapter as we see more of Doyle and his charming attitude. So he wasn't the one to run Margaret off the road, but apparently someone connected to him did.
My suggestions. The first batch are all along the same theme. It falls under my 'super-picky' edit suggestions because you are such a good writer, I can't pick out the usual stuff, lol! These are not incorrect, just ideas for making your writing sharper.
For some reason, in the first half (but not the second half) of the chapter, you did a number of 'telling' (as opposed to showing or in addition to) statements. I picked out a few, but there were others. The portion in question is between the *...*
*His face was smug. *
(Don't tell us his face was smug. Convert to an action. He smirked. He raised an eyebrow. He looked down his nose. Etc.)
"You know nothing," he sneered, stepping closer, *relishing her anger.*
(You did great action in this part, so we already know he's relishing...you don't need to tell us. A writing teacher explained to me once that the actions should allow the reader to form their own analysis of what the action means. They get annoyed by being spoon fed what that action meant.)
Eleanor compressed a gasp --* recognizing the threat for what it was* --
(Same deal here. You can just stop at gasp.)
The guard reached his cell and gave a questioning glance at Doyle, *unaware of Eleanor's presence.*
(Same here. We can tell he was unaware by his action, you don't need to spell it out.)
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There was only one solution to the smell of fresh coffee
(Maybe 'only one reason' would make more sense?)
"Me too!
(With the phone conversation that precedes this. You used 7 exclamation points. You wear them out by doing that and it starts sounding artificial. I recommend cutting to 3 where you really want them)
Garth Woodman - FBI Agent and widow (Allie)
(If widow is referring to Garth, then it should be widower)
Great chapter, Carol. I see the cast of characters expanding and intertwining. This is something in particular I admire in your writing. I could never balance and weave that number of characters together.
Julie
:-)
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2024
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Carol, a great chapter as we see more of Doyle and his charming attitude. So he wasn't the one to run Margaret off the road, but apparently someone connected to him did.
My suggestions. The first batch are all along the same theme. It falls under my 'super-picky' edit suggestions because you are such a good writer, I can't pick out the usual stuff, lol! These are not incorrect, just ideas for making your writing sharper.
For some reason, in the first half (but not the second half) of the chapter, you did a number of 'telling' (as opposed to showing or in addition to) statements. I picked out a few, but there were others. The portion in question is between the *...*
*His face was smug. *
(Don't tell us his face was smug. Convert to an action. He smirked. He raised an eyebrow. He looked down his nose. Etc.)
"You know nothing," he sneered, stepping closer, *relishing her anger.*
(You did great action in this part, so we already know he's relishing...you don't need to tell us. A writing teacher explained to me once that the actions should allow the reader to form their own analysis of what the action means. They get annoyed by being spoon fed what that action meant.)
Eleanor compressed a gasp --* recognizing the threat for what it was* --
(Same deal here. You can just stop at gasp.)
The guard reached his cell and gave a questioning glance at Doyle, *unaware of Eleanor's presence.*
(Same here. We can tell he was unaware by his action, you don't need to spell it out.)
******************
There was only one solution to the smell of fresh coffee
(Maybe 'only one reason' would make more sense?)
"Me too!
(With the phone conversation that precedes this. You used 7 exclamation points. You wear them out by doing that and it starts sounding artificial. I recommend cutting to 3 where you really want them)
Garth Woodman - FBI Agent and widow (Allie)
(If widow is referring to Garth, then it should be widower)
Great chapter, Carol. I see the cast of characters expanding and intertwining. This is something in particular I admire in your writing. I could never balance and weave that number of characters together.
Julie
:-)
Comment Written 04-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2024
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Phew! Fixed, changed and happily solved. Thank you as always and sorry it took me so long to get to it. I always appreciate your thoughts and suggestions. Thank you!
Smiles, Carol
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No problem on the time. You are publishing an extraordinary amount of writing, and I know you have personal stuff going on, too. You just need to promise to tell me if you don't care for how I review your posts. You are such a talented writer, so I really dig deeper with you than almost anyone else on the site. It's not me being critical...it's me rejoicing in such beautiful work! But I can back off and just address basic typos if it ever gets wearisome for you. I meant what I said in one review. I envy your writing ability...I can't do it. My gift is in editing, a totally different thought process than writing. Much love to you, Carol!
Julie
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I appreciate it because you do it without making me feel stupid. Some don't. And I do have a lot on my shoulders again, something I thought I'd moved away from. It was silly of me to think I could write this book at the same time, but it's started now and I am not one to back down from a challenge to myself. If you don't mind spotting my errors, I am more than willing to listen. Thanks.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is interesting and sad as Eleanor has to tell Jenna her aunt has been murdered. Rebecca is there just as Jenna needs a helper. Does Rebecca have anything to do with John Doyle?
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2024
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This is interesting and sad as Eleanor has to tell Jenna her aunt has been murdered. Rebecca is there just as Jenna needs a helper. Does Rebecca have anything to do with John Doyle?
Comment Written 03-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2024
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Rebecca will have her own story...an interesting one, I think, as the story progresses. Hope you enjoy it. Have a great day and thank you as always.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Marilyn Hamilton
I somehow managed to miss chapter two so I will catch up on that soon. I wasn't too lost though and you really keep us on the edge of our seats with your stories! I'm glad to hear this one will be very suspenseful! I am still not over your last story and the tea party from hell lol Great job
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2024
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I somehow managed to miss chapter two so I will catch up on that soon. I wasn't too lost though and you really keep us on the edge of our seats with your stories! I'm glad to hear this one will be very suspenseful! I am still not over your last story and the tea party from hell lol Great job
Comment Written 03-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2024
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You can find chapter 2 on the front page list... It is still paying money if you need it to post your stuff. You'll want to catch it either now or later so you understand what's going on with Doyle.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from royowen
Yes, indeed, no one knows what connections we have in our lives, there are so many of my father's and mother's ancestors I've never met or even know, but God and chance can work together to make a lot of things happen if God wills it. Another great story Carol blessings Roy
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2024
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Yes, indeed, no one knows what connections we have in our lives, there are so many of my father's and mother's ancestors I've never met or even know, but God and chance can work together to make a lot of things happen if God wills it. Another great story Carol blessings Roy
Comment Written 03-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2024
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Thanks so much, Roy. Our dear characters in the story are going to need God in their corner to survive this story. Thanks so much for the review and your kindness.
Smiles, Carol
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That's right