Another Pretty Face
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Chapter 2 Part Two"Can love survive small town gossip?
70 total reviews
Comment from KayteeF
At least you have inserted some sensitive moments with a bit of the 'green eyed monster' to heat up the mood.
I am enjoying this book. Young Cassie is a 'tonic', and I believe she is just like her mother used to be.
I think you have a good eye, re what Joe looks like. Hunk!
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2010
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At least you have inserted some sensitive moments with a bit of the 'green eyed monster' to heat up the mood.
I am enjoying this book. Young Cassie is a 'tonic', and I believe she is just like her mother used to be.
I think you have a good eye, re what Joe looks like. Hunk!
Comment Written 30-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2010
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Thank you for your review. I am sorry you aren't getting the bonus points for reading.
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The bonus is secondary to reading a great story.
I am totally hooked.
Comment from skychild27
I think it definitely works. we need to see that sara has feelings for joe, since she's kind of closed off. he's quite a bit more open about how he feels for her. I like that cassie was involved in this chapter as well, it gave her and joe the chance to talk a bit. I really enjoyed this chapter.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2010
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I think it definitely works. we need to see that sara has feelings for joe, since she's kind of closed off. he's quite a bit more open about how he feels for her. I like that cassie was involved in this chapter as well, it gave her and joe the chance to talk a bit. I really enjoyed this chapter.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I am sorry you didn't get to review it when it had bonus points on it.
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thats ok. just reading is enough for me. :)
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thank you
Comment from Helen Tan
Joe seems to be working his way into Sara's life and since he knows Cassie is a big part of that, he has the correct tactic, trying to bond with Cassie. It's a good idea to have your characters do things, like preparing a meal while they chat, makes them less cardboard like.
Through Cassie's words, the reader learns a fair bit about Sara - good technique.
But it's nice to know you care enough to get jealous." As she swallowed, he added, "I care enough about you to get jealous too; so we're even."
A great tender moment of revelation to end this chapter with.
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2010
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Joe seems to be working his way into Sara's life and since he knows Cassie is a big part of that, he has the correct tactic, trying to bond with Cassie. It's a good idea to have your characters do things, like preparing a meal while they chat, makes them less cardboard like.
Through Cassie's words, the reader learns a fair bit about Sara - good technique.
But it's nice to know you care enough to get jealous." As she swallowed, he added, "I care enough about you to get jealous too; so we're even."
A great tender moment of revelation to end this chapter with.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2010
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Thank you. I so appreciate your help. I look forward to hearing from you so I know if something works or not.
Comment from afternoonlight
This is a fun story, it makes me feel happy and interested to get to the next part...moving forward. It is well written and as always your discription and attention to the detail his just the spot not too much...just right.
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2010
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This is a fun story, it makes me feel happy and interested to get to the next part...moving forward. It is well written and as always your discription and attention to the detail his just the spot not too much...just right.
Comment Written 11-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Sarah_Goldwell
Woah he is to die for ;-) I really liked this chapter. It definitely works. Cassie's character came through strong and reflected sarah's parenting skills. I liked the build up to a relationship between cassie and joe and the respectful way he treated her as sarah's daughter. Some men would think cassie is 'in the way' I can see this won't be happening with Joe.
almost caught up now x
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2010
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Woah he is to die for ;-) I really liked this chapter. It definitely works. Cassie's character came through strong and reflected sarah's parenting skills. I liked the build up to a relationship between cassie and joe and the respectful way he treated her as sarah's daughter. Some men would think cassie is 'in the way' I can see this won't be happening with Joe.
almost caught up now x
Comment Written 10-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I wish you would have read this post a few hours earlier, then you would have received the points for it. Sorry
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I don't mind, i don't read your stories for points, that's why they sometimes build up. I like to take my time and read yours thoroughly x
Comment from slippery noodles
Barbara your story is addictive.
From the beginning of this chapter I expected Joe and Sara to still be circling each other, stepping a little closer. It was good to see them still cautiously testing the waters. Judging from the pacing of this story so far, I'm expecting to see the chase come to a close somewhere in the next chapter... or almost to a close and then get deterred by something. Hope I don't have to wait too long to find out.
The timing was good for bringing Cassie into the action between these two.
The story stays pretty focused on the relationship between Sara and Joe. I'm wondering what both Joe and Sara do with themselves when they are not together. And curious about what the other characters are up to or thinking about these two. But that's just me being nosy.
Joe's a perceptive bugger, catching on to the reason for Sara's sudden mood shift so quickly. I kind of wanted to see him have to work a little harder to figure it out.
I like where the chapter ended, abruptly with a nice bit of revelation from Joe.
Good so far you. Waiting for more...
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2010
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Barbara your story is addictive.
From the beginning of this chapter I expected Joe and Sara to still be circling each other, stepping a little closer. It was good to see them still cautiously testing the waters. Judging from the pacing of this story so far, I'm expecting to see the chase come to a close somewhere in the next chapter... or almost to a close and then get deterred by something. Hope I don't have to wait too long to find out.
The timing was good for bringing Cassie into the action between these two.
The story stays pretty focused on the relationship between Sara and Joe. I'm wondering what both Joe and Sara do with themselves when they are not together. And curious about what the other characters are up to or thinking about these two. But that's just me being nosy.
Joe's a perceptive bugger, catching on to the reason for Sara's sudden mood shift so quickly. I kind of wanted to see him have to work a little harder to figure it out.
I like where the chapter ended, abruptly with a nice bit of revelation from Joe.
Good so far you. Waiting for more...
Comment Written 10-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and perceptions. I value them to see if a story is working or not.
Comment from Nicnac
LOL
I wondered how he could be a secret agent if everyone knew it - so I'm glad you cleared that up. haha
I like little Cassie. She is interesting and has a sweet personality.
This chapter flows nicely. Joe is awesome! He can cook? Yowsie... He just gets better and better. lol
Nic
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2010
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LOL
I wondered how he could be a secret agent if everyone knew it - so I'm glad you cleared that up. haha
I like little Cassie. She is interesting and has a sweet personality.
This chapter flows nicely. Joe is awesome! He can cook? Yowsie... He just gets better and better. lol
Nic
Comment Written 09-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from El.Marjie
Hi Barbara,
Just read two chapters and enjoyed them both. Joe and Sara are definitely being careful around one another which would be natural in such a situation. The couple who stuck their nose into someone else's business at the hamburger stand actually helped them to talk about things they needed to talk about. Joe now knows how important Cassie is to Sara, and he made a good start at winning Cassie's friendship by helping her cook dinner and letting her call him Mr. Joe. Joe and Sara have both realized that they'd like to pursue the relationship. I think they're pretty interested in one another, if still very cautious. I thought your sentences were strong, and spag free as far as I noticed. Good job on this, Barb. God Bless! Marjie
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2010
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Hi Barbara,
Just read two chapters and enjoyed them both. Joe and Sara are definitely being careful around one another which would be natural in such a situation. The couple who stuck their nose into someone else's business at the hamburger stand actually helped them to talk about things they needed to talk about. Joe now knows how important Cassie is to Sara, and he made a good start at winning Cassie's friendship by helping her cook dinner and letting her call him Mr. Joe. Joe and Sara have both realized that they'd like to pursue the relationship. I think they're pretty interested in one another, if still very cautious. I thought your sentences were strong, and spag free as far as I noticed. Good job on this, Barb. God Bless! Marjie
Comment Written 09-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Kaladore
This is well written and advances the story well. To me it seems like the relationship is a little too... easy to read? I don't know, I just don't think Sara would be the type to openly question Joe about who Dani is. After being viewed as the village whore or whatever, I would think that after hearing she would become more... depressed?? like "another one got away." You could bring it up with her being all withdrawn and hurt and then Joe noticing it later and then they sort it out but yeah just my two cents. I can see the little foreshadowing the future conflict, good continuation.
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2010
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This is well written and advances the story well. To me it seems like the relationship is a little too... easy to read? I don't know, I just don't think Sara would be the type to openly question Joe about who Dani is. After being viewed as the village whore or whatever, I would think that after hearing she would become more... depressed?? like "another one got away." You could bring it up with her being all withdrawn and hurt and then Joe noticing it later and then they sort it out but yeah just my two cents. I can see the little foreshadowing the future conflict, good continuation.
Comment Written 08-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2010
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I will consider your suggestion. I just figured since they knew each other since childhood. I also had hoped it sort of just came out, like it caught her off guard. I will take another look. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
Butter pecan - my favorite too.
I didn't spot anything.
Why are you wondering about this chapter? it seems fine to me.
roberta
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2010
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Butter pecan - my favorite too.
I didn't spot anything.
Why are you wondering about this chapter? it seems fine to me.
roberta
Comment Written 08-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I was worried because I had edited so often, I began to think I was missing something.