Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "Part 3 Chapter 5"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
94 total reviews
Comment from NaughtieScribe
"Maybe if the sketch sets (sits).
flowered bag and picked up it together with her purse. (may want to tweak).
Other than the minor spags I've noted, this is again another wonderful installment into a very engrossing tale. I love how the parents and aunt all seem to see the outcome of Troy and Anna's friendship. I hope it comes true.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2012
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"Maybe if the sketch sets (sits).
flowered bag and picked up it together with her purse. (may want to tweak).
Other than the minor spags I've noted, this is again another wonderful installment into a very engrossing tale. I love how the parents and aunt all seem to see the outcome of Troy and Anna's friendship. I hope it comes true.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2012
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I so wish you could have read this with points attached. Thank you.
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Oh hush. You write to share touching moments with your readers. I read to experience them. Job well done. No add some more chapters. Hugs
Comment from rzubey
I like that you are including contact information in your author's notes. The story itself is moving along nicely, too, even though all the questions still remain. Maybe I'm wrong, but I need resolution to something. I'm hoping for a chapter with Anna soon, just so I can know that she really is okay.
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2012
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I like that you are including contact information in your author's notes. The story itself is moving along nicely, too, even though all the questions still remain. Maybe I'm wrong, but I need resolution to something. I'm hoping for a chapter with Anna soon, just so I can know that she really is okay.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
After dinner[,] Margaret removed her sketchpad and charcoal pencils
"The eyes need to be a little[r] farther apart."
"All right[,] Paul, what do you think?"
"Maybe if the sketch sets awhile[,] you'll be able to figure out what's wrong."
Troy finished his des[s]ert and excused himself from the table.
"You're probably right, but she needs to press charges against her husband and petition the court for a restraining order. It wouldn't hurt to start divorce proceedings either." --- Remember, Bobby's release conditions would have taken care of the restraining order. She needs to file for divorce and get temporary custody orders in place.
Mom, is your camera handy? I'll take a picture and make some copies." --- Why not just copy the paper with the sketch on it?
"Everett has something to show the hotel receptionists and managers." --- You might want to stick a "now" in there somewhere. I sounds awfully abrupt.
Roberta
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2011
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After dinner[,] Margaret removed her sketchpad and charcoal pencils
"The eyes need to be a little[r] farther apart."
"All right[,] Paul, what do you think?"
"Maybe if the sketch sets awhile[,] you'll be able to figure out what's wrong."
Troy finished his des[s]ert and excused himself from the table.
"You're probably right, but she needs to press charges against her husband and petition the court for a restraining order. It wouldn't hurt to start divorce proceedings either." --- Remember, Bobby's release conditions would have taken care of the restraining order. She needs to file for divorce and get temporary custody orders in place.
Mom, is your camera handy? I'll take a picture and make some copies." --- Why not just copy the paper with the sketch on it?
"Everett has something to show the hotel receptionists and managers." --- You might want to stick a "now" in there somewhere. I sounds awfully abrupt.
Roberta
Comment Written 16-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2011
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Thank you, the sketch would smear, but I didn't say, that did I? I need to.
Comment from Queenise
Enjoyable to read and easy to understand. You seem to have artistic acumen as well. Very smart. Great description and good flow and pace. Leaves the reader wanting more. Queenise
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2011
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Enjoyable to read and easy to understand. You seem to have artistic acumen as well. Very smart. Great description and good flow and pace. Leaves the reader wanting more. Queenise
Comment Written 15-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2011
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Thank you.
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My pleasure. Queenise
Comment from MS Writer
Everyone thinks Troy is smitten except Troy. I like that. Great dialogue. The story follows a good pace keeping us wondering what wil happen next. Enjoy reading this very much.
Michele
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2011
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Everyone thinks Troy is smitten except Troy. I like that. Great dialogue. The story follows a good pace keeping us wondering what wil happen next. Enjoy reading this very much.
Michele
Comment Written 25-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2011
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Thank you for your kind review, sorry you read this without the bonus points attached.
Comment from Shirley B
Another beautiful chapter Barbara. My heart just tells me, that the way you keep posting the abuse hotline number is getting to someone. We may never know and we don't really need to know. Your story is lovely. But I feel you are helping someone. I think you feel the same way. Blessings to you, Shirley
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2011
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Another beautiful chapter Barbara. My heart just tells me, that the way you keep posting the abuse hotline number is getting to someone. We may never know and we don't really need to know. Your story is lovely. But I feel you are helping someone. I think you feel the same way. Blessings to you, Shirley
Comment Written 20-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2011
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I have actually been privately contacted by a lady who is living that Hell right now. I hope she used the number. Thank you for your insight.
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I am so glad. I just felt, you were helping someone. Thank you for doing that. You are a blessing, Shirley
Comment from bookishfabler
Yesterday I finally had a momnet to check my message box. I'm glad I saw your name,becuase today it wasn't in there anymore. Of course, I knew where to find you, on the front page. How do you do that all the time? I could never review enopugh to get even close. I try when posting a short story for contests, but for my book, I don't bother. It's so far many newbies wont continue it. Anyway, nice chapter. No nits or spags I can see.
hugs book
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2011
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Yesterday I finally had a momnet to check my message box. I'm glad I saw your name,becuase today it wasn't in there anymore. Of course, I knew where to find you, on the front page. How do you do that all the time? I could never review enopugh to get even close. I try when posting a short story for contests, but for my book, I don't bother. It's so far many newbies wont continue it. Anyway, nice chapter. No nits or spags I can see.
hugs book
Comment Written 20-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2011
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Since the summer is here, I have time to do my own reviewing. During the school year, even only posting once a week, I could not review enough. I would post and then I had a few special angels that would add pumps to my post and rise me to the top. I would mention that 2nd or 3rd was high enough, but they would still add pumps. Even now, I am content with second or and third and they will still rise me to the top. Not sure why. Thank you for the kind review.
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funny I only had one angel who would do that once in a while, and she's not here much anymore. So, it takes forever for me to get memeber dollars. So many things going on in my own life, even the writing is stagnant, as you can see. One day I will be back on track. Hope you are feeing better.
hugs Heidi
Comment from shy1250
Perfect, deserving of 6 stars, but am plumb out of 6's. Also have a lot of makeup reading to do, our modem was fried and we had no internet for 11 days during which I got out of the habit of going online. You're doing a great job building enjoyable fiction that is going to save someone's life. God bless, no suggestions or corrections, later, shy
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2011
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Perfect, deserving of 6 stars, but am plumb out of 6's. Also have a lot of makeup reading to do, our modem was fried and we had no internet for 11 days during which I got out of the habit of going online. You're doing a great job building enjoyable fiction that is going to save someone's life. God bless, no suggestions or corrections, later, shy
Comment Written 20-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Cheryl Daphine
Excellent chapter. Those Auntie's are always trying to 'fix' things. Very well written and I look forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2011
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Excellent chapter. Those Auntie's are always trying to 'fix' things. Very well written and I look forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Donald O. Cassidy
"barbara," I'm not real sure I grasp the meaning of your story. I take it that Margaret does this sketch of Anna for the family to present to a court trial. Each family member here has an input about Anna's features and overall appearance.
I think the purpose is to show her normal, healthy image before she was beaten and bruised.
In any case, you deal skillfully with human nature, detailing your character's actions and demeanor.
In the ending, perhaps you could have more suspense, like some sinister force tries to mar, deface or even destroy the portrait.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2011
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"barbara," I'm not real sure I grasp the meaning of your story. I take it that Margaret does this sketch of Anna for the family to present to a court trial. Each family member here has an input about Anna's features and overall appearance.
I think the purpose is to show her normal, healthy image before she was beaten and bruised.
In any case, you deal skillfully with human nature, detailing your character's actions and demeanor.
In the ending, perhaps you could have more suspense, like some sinister force tries to mar, deface or even destroy the portrait.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2011
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Anna is an abused spouse and has gone into hiding. They are trying to find her and the sketch is for a PI. I want to show spouse for what it realisticially is. I see no reason to add anything else sinister to it, it's bad enough. Thank you for your review.