Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 34 "Part one, Chapter 11"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
76 total reviews
Comment from MelB
Wow, the mother in law is sicker than I thought. I was hoping she was bluffing. I'm so glad she didn't succeed. Truly a very toxic family.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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Wow, the mother in law is sicker than I thought. I was hoping she was bluffing. I'm so glad she didn't succeed. Truly a very toxic family.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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It is a very toxic family.
Comment from NaughtieScribe
OOo I knew it, I swear I could kick the bitches ass. I'm so frigging pissed. She is as rotten and twisted as her son. And in a way I'm glad the heifer tried this. Now Anna can have all her grandparent's rights stripped. Screw it I have to read another one.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2012
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OOo I knew it, I swear I could kick the bitches ass. I'm so frigging pissed. She is as rotten and twisted as her son. And in a way I'm glad the heifer tried this. Now Anna can have all her grandparent's rights stripped. Screw it I have to read another one.
Comment Written 02-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2012
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Thank you.
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Hi Barbara:)
This post was nicely handled. Anna was feeling relief that the court case was all decided in her favor and everything seemed to be going her way. Bobby was safely in jail and Mrs. Rogers stayed out of the way.
Maybe Bobby's has given up on her son's lost cause.
Time for Anna to relax and get back into a routine.
The came the shock, someone had attempted to kidnap Michael from daycare and he was at a hospital being checked over.
This was an expected incident. Mrs. Rogers is obsessed with getting Michael away from Anna. If there is any criticism. perhahs this incident happened a little too soo. A little intervening suspense could be useful.
I am ready to see how this new problem plays out.
Roger
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2011
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Hi Barbara:)
This post was nicely handled. Anna was feeling relief that the court case was all decided in her favor and everything seemed to be going her way. Bobby was safely in jail and Mrs. Rogers stayed out of the way.
Maybe Bobby's has given up on her son's lost cause.
Time for Anna to relax and get back into a routine.
The came the shock, someone had attempted to kidnap Michael from daycare and he was at a hospital being checked over.
This was an expected incident. Mrs. Rogers is obsessed with getting Michael away from Anna. If there is any criticism. perhahs this incident happened a little too soo. A little intervening suspense could be useful.
I am ready to see how this new problem plays out.
Roger
Comment Written 11-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from N.K. Wagner
Barbara, we knew this had to happen. I'm surprised you didn't let it go a step farther, but you're trying to tell a story other than child abduction here. Well done. :) Nancy
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2011
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Barbara, we knew this had to happen. I'm surprised you didn't let it go a step farther, but you're trying to tell a story other than child abduction here. Well done. :) Nancy
Comment Written 06-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from rama devi
HI dear B. Sorry I have not been able to keep up with all chapters--was off line for a while. Hard to catch up with my prose-writing friends! Anyway, the reason for the rating on this one has to do with it feeling a bit too lopsided toward dialog without enough narrative. Of course, in such a short chapter this is acceptable but I honestly found my attention waning a bit. While you definitely use action tags well, paining gestures and moods of the speakers, I feel this chapter needs some descriptive narrative detail to bring the scene to life.
Maybe try adding in some of the senses to bring the reader directly into the scene....sounds, smells, sensations...also, perhaps more internal thoughts from the protagonist.
The flow is good and I did not notice any spag issues.
I will try to find time to come back and read the previous chapter to see if it blends in better with that in mind.
Still have a feeling there is room for improvement here.
Love,
rd
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2011
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HI dear B. Sorry I have not been able to keep up with all chapters--was off line for a while. Hard to catch up with my prose-writing friends! Anyway, the reason for the rating on this one has to do with it feeling a bit too lopsided toward dialog without enough narrative. Of course, in such a short chapter this is acceptable but I honestly found my attention waning a bit. While you definitely use action tags well, paining gestures and moods of the speakers, I feel this chapter needs some descriptive narrative detail to bring the scene to life.
Maybe try adding in some of the senses to bring the reader directly into the scene....sounds, smells, sensations...also, perhaps more internal thoughts from the protagonist.
The flow is good and I did not notice any spag issues.
I will try to find time to come back and read the previous chapter to see if it blends in better with that in mind.
Still have a feeling there is room for improvement here.
Love,
rd
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2011
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There's just no pleasing some people. Thank you for the kind review.
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Just being honest dear. It's not about pleasing-the site is set up to help us improve.
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PS--In my opinion, it is a disservice to aspiring authors to say everything is great when we see room for improvement. No offense intended--as I thought you knew?
Comment from fairy77
Great message.You have brought so much awareness to this subject.I applaude you.Well also including a well written story.Sorry no sixes left.I hope your well.Really missed your work.beth.Good suspense and action.fairy77.
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2011
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Great message.You have brought so much awareness to this subject.I applaude you.Well also including a well written story.Sorry no sixes left.I hope your well.Really missed your work.beth.Good suspense and action.fairy77.
Comment Written 06-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from rchitwood
Oh! I wanted to see what happened and if Anna's Mother-In Law owned up to this.Your story as always very creative and has good dialogue and characters.Blessings Rita
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2011
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Oh! I wanted to see what happened and if Anna's Mother-In Law owned up to this.Your story as always very creative and has good dialogue and characters.Blessings Rita
Comment Written 05-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Nanashirley
I think that you are showing all the things that are involved in these types of cases. I am glad the kidnapping failed. It must be hard not to take that trail.
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2011
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I think that you are showing all the things that are involved in these types of cases. I am glad the kidnapping failed. It must be hard not to take that trail.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2011
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Thank you for the kind review and insight.
Comment from eliz100
This was a good read from beginning to end, as usual. Just when you think the chaos is over -BANG! I can't wait to see what happens next.
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2011
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This was a good read from beginning to end, as usual. Just when you think the chaos is over -BANG! I can't wait to see what happens next.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from fionageorge
Another great chapter, certainly with lots of action. Great use of dialogue. Great to make the reader feel things are setting down, then, 'bang', another drama hits Anna. It will be interesting to find out if it actually was 'mum-in-law' behind the attempted kidnap.
I needed time to put things in (should this read 'into'?) perspective. Michael and I will be all right, won't we?"
I look forward to the next chapter.
Warmest regards, Marijke :o)
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2011
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Another great chapter, certainly with lots of action. Great use of dialogue. Great to make the reader feel things are setting down, then, 'bang', another drama hits Anna. It will be interesting to find out if it actually was 'mum-in-law' behind the attempted kidnap.
I needed time to put things in (should this read 'into'?) perspective. Michael and I will be all right, won't we?"
I look forward to the next chapter.
Warmest regards, Marijke :o)
Comment Written 05-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.