Heat
Free Verse10 total reviews
Comment from Lovinia
Hi Val
This is terrific! Lovely romantic hues and great imagery.The presentation is hot :) .... a great image which captures your lover's trist so perfectly.
"hovers over the horizon
dripping scarlet and gold
into the sea"
"palms sway and doves coo
purple dusk drapes
our lover's quest" - absolutely exquisite phrasing .. fresh and origina; creating splendid images.
Just one little tweak:
"we linger
together
waiting for the night's cool"
- I would suggest a line break here. You have created such wonderful imagery and a pause would give a moment for the reader to luxuriate in the moment, then continue into another emotive three lines to be drawn in by your seduction.
I appreciate the alliteration, consonance and assonance .... creates a melodious harmony and soft echo, especially when read aloud. Clever poetic technique. I love the end line "tropical fever" .... I suggest you drop the "in balance" - it kind of 'cools' the moment. Of course it is your poem and still works here. I just thought especially as your title is "Heat", the end line should sizzle. :))
"Wicked hot sun" - great personification - begins with the steamy heat. I like your contrasting the heat with "we linger
together
waiting for the night's cool"
This is light and sea breezy, sensual and seductive and paints a glorious image. Well done. I have really enjoyed the 'pulse' of your romantic poem. Love that free verse. Hugs - Lovi xoxoxo
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2013
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Hi Val
This is terrific! Lovely romantic hues and great imagery.The presentation is hot :) .... a great image which captures your lover's trist so perfectly.
"hovers over the horizon
dripping scarlet and gold
into the sea"
"palms sway and doves coo
purple dusk drapes
our lover's quest" - absolutely exquisite phrasing .. fresh and origina; creating splendid images.
Just one little tweak:
"we linger
together
waiting for the night's cool"
- I would suggest a line break here. You have created such wonderful imagery and a pause would give a moment for the reader to luxuriate in the moment, then continue into another emotive three lines to be drawn in by your seduction.
I appreciate the alliteration, consonance and assonance .... creates a melodious harmony and soft echo, especially when read aloud. Clever poetic technique. I love the end line "tropical fever" .... I suggest you drop the "in balance" - it kind of 'cools' the moment. Of course it is your poem and still works here. I just thought especially as your title is "Heat", the end line should sizzle. :))
"Wicked hot sun" - great personification - begins with the steamy heat. I like your contrasting the heat with "we linger
together
waiting for the night's cool"
This is light and sea breezy, sensual and seductive and paints a glorious image. Well done. I have really enjoyed the 'pulse' of your romantic poem. Love that free verse. Hugs - Lovi xoxoxo
Comment Written 02-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2013
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Well, first of all I tried to give you a "thumb" but apparently I've used them up. I'm not sure why, since it's July not June anymore. But none the less, I tried. I love your reviews, since you actually look at the work!
On this one, I agree with your first suggestion. Not sure about the second one, but appreciate the input. I'll make that first change. Thank you so much again for this fabulous review. Hugs
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Well, first of all I tried to give you a "thumb" but apparently I've used them up. I'm not sure why, since it's July not June anymore. But none the less, I tried. I love your reviews, since you actually look at the work!
On this one, I agree with your first suggestion. Not sure about the second one, but appreciate the input. I'll make that first change. Thank you so much again for this fabulous review. Hugs
Comment from Betty Bleen
A very nice poem which invokes lovely images. I love the line: dripping scarlet and gold into the sea. You've chosen a great picture to go with your poem.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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A very nice poem which invokes lovely images. I love the line: dripping scarlet and gold into the sea. You've chosen a great picture to go with your poem.
Comment Written 30-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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Thank you so much, Betty.
Comment from Little Jewels
Very well written. It has a good flow and conveys emotions very well. The picture goes perfectly. An enjoyable read- well done.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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Very well written. It has a good flow and conveys emotions very well. The picture goes perfectly. An enjoyable read- well done.
Comment Written 30-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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Thank you so much for this lovely review.
Comment from Gungalo
reaching for each other
palms sway and doves coo
purple dusk drapes
our lover's quest
What a write Val. I really like it a lot. Seems the palms and the doves are all on your side.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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reaching for each other
palms sway and doves coo
purple dusk drapes
our lover's quest
What a write Val. I really like it a lot. Seems the palms and the doves are all on your side.
Comment Written 30-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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Of course they are, Thank you for the review my friend.
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Smile.
Comment from Ben Colder
You dipped into cupid's quiver with this one. Great free verse with a great photo that enhances every word. Look out below here comes the coconut. Well done poet. Anyone for a cool drink?
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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You dipped into cupid's quiver with this one. Great free verse with a great photo that enhances every word. Look out below here comes the coconut. Well done poet. Anyone for a cool drink?
Comment Written 30-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2013
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Thank you, Ben!
Comment from Amenian Aypotheeno
Well there are a lovely bunch of coconuts about here rolling around with a mango and with some passion fruits! A wonderful tropical texture and backdrop drizzled in the sweet nectar of love and kept aglow by both the sun and heat of the heart! A delight to read and take in!
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2013
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Well there are a lovely bunch of coconuts about here rolling around with a mango and with some passion fruits! A wonderful tropical texture and backdrop drizzled in the sweet nectar of love and kept aglow by both the sun and heat of the heart! A delight to read and take in!
Comment Written 27-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2013
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Well, Amenian. I'm so thrilled and humbled by this exceptional. As you can see, I'm a bit of a minimalist in free verse. So this is such a great honor.
Comment from Kiki12
Nice free verse chickie- great alliteration and imagery. I'd put a space between lines 5/6 as well as 8/9 and 11/12. Give the reader a signal to pause or change gears a bit. Last line could stand alone, that actually might give a nice visual and emotional balance to the verse :)
xo
kiki
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2013
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Nice free verse chickie- great alliteration and imagery. I'd put a space between lines 5/6 as well as 8/9 and 11/12. Give the reader a signal to pause or change gears a bit. Last line could stand alone, that actually might give a nice visual and emotional balance to the verse :)
xo
kiki
Comment Written 22-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2013
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Thanks, Kiki! Great suggestions and I made the changes. I have a house full of company, but I'll get to reviewing soon. I actually got a vote in the contest this time. LOL
Comment from Quillian
Summer nights...you do a nice job of building up the sensual tension through the hotness of the day.Your choice of words is spot on, I love "human heat' and 'palms sway' and dusk drapes us. But the very best is 'a coconut falls' and 'sailboats creak' . Those two lines make this whole thing come alive! Nice work.
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2013
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Summer nights...you do a nice job of building up the sensual tension through the hotness of the day.Your choice of words is spot on, I love "human heat' and 'palms sway' and dusk drapes us. But the very best is 'a coconut falls' and 'sailboats creak' . Those two lines make this whole thing come alive! Nice work.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2013
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Those are two of my favorite lines, too. Thank you so much for the great review.
Comment from kiwijenny
Tropical heat in balance.. I like this
Wicked hot sun... Dripping scarlet and gold into,the sea.. Is a great image
Thanks for this I like i
God bless.
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2013
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Tropical heat in balance.. I like this
Wicked hot sun... Dripping scarlet and gold into,the sea.. Is a great image
Thanks for this I like i
God bless.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2013
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Thank you so much for the great review.
Comment from Liberty Justice
Ooh, this is such a sensual and exotic-type of poems. The author uses sweet metaphoric language to detail these lovers as they sway in the moonlight. Uses lovely comparison of nature's beauty to describe their precious moments.
Liberty Justice
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2013
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Ooh, this is such a sensual and exotic-type of poems. The author uses sweet metaphoric language to detail these lovers as they sway in the moonlight. Uses lovely comparison of nature's beauty to describe their precious moments.
Liberty Justice
Comment Written 21-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2013
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Thank you so much for the great review.