Sewn Into the Sky
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Paper Limbs"Collection of Free Style Poetry
11 total reviews
Comment from Gungalo
He laughed, he mocked, he joked, he left
The only action stolen was my own self neglect
Without him and long with him, nonetheless
My father is the reason I stand now on solid legs.
Greg this is a stark write about your childhood and how because of your father you are who you are. Many do not make it so you were one of the fortunate ones.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2013
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He laughed, he mocked, he joked, he left
The only action stolen was my own self neglect
Without him and long with him, nonetheless
My father is the reason I stand now on solid legs.
Greg this is a stark write about your childhood and how because of your father you are who you are. Many do not make it so you were one of the fortunate ones.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2013
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Thanks for reading this. Yeah I think it made me stronger. He ignored me but it made me rely on myself. Its only by the grace of God that I made it to where I am today (for that and for my mother). Really. I lived with my mother in a trailer park, got in trouble, had to move to D.C. With my dad. He had means and a classier way of living, taught me. If I had stayed in Miami I wouldve ended up in jail or dead, very dangerous. But, it was really hard living with my dad. So lonely. I grew up, "sprouted" quickly though, "like a rose petal running from the dirt" (by the way, that is a Genius metaphor) ;)
But yes thank you for reading. I had a really tough 30 years and it all came to a peak when my arm was nearly taken off. BUT, my life was saved that night. After that I met my wife, my new family that I had prayed for my entire life, and my new life started. I am still retraining my brain to get out of "survival mode" "running mode" but I logically know what I have and am so grateful for it. Now the trick is letting myself enjoy it.
How's that for a reply? Sorry, next time ill just say "thank you".
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It'll do. LOL. Good luck to you Greg.
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Thanks ;)
In your next review I will respond with my thoughts on what the purpose of life is. It'll be a few pages. Prepare...
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Wait I'm joking obviously. I just realized that if you thought I was serious you would never review my work again.
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Hahahah.
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Gimme a break you. LOL
Comment from adewpearl
excellent rhyming couplets including effective proximate rhymes like youth/move and steps/depths
intense expression of emotion
stomp/march/sprint...effective use of action verbs to add power to your poem
Brooke
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2013
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excellent rhyming couplets including effective proximate rhymes like youth/move and steps/depths
intense expression of emotion
stomp/march/sprint...effective use of action verbs to add power to your poem
Brooke
Comment Written 05-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2013
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Oh wonderful! I'm so glad you liked it! This one was important to me, hence the reason for the question. I should've just posted it. It was a tough one to write emotionally believe it or not, but therapeutic as well I suppose. I love when I'm able to get your review ;)
Perhaps I should take a class of yours...
Comment from Kiki12
That is indeed a slanted gratitude, I thin what you have shown is perseverance and strength that you were able to stand despite the intent of the one meant to help you grow who tried to knock you down instead. This is a powerful and emotional piece that expresses your journey to find a solid foundation, which unfortunately, you had to build on your own. It's unfortunate that sometimes our experiences bring us all the way around the things we later wish we didn't do or see, but the reality is, those experiences make us who we are and get us to where we are- the important thing is moving forward in a healthy way, which you have accomplished on so many levels. Well written, well expressed.
xx
Kiki
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2013
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That is indeed a slanted gratitude, I thin what you have shown is perseverance and strength that you were able to stand despite the intent of the one meant to help you grow who tried to knock you down instead. This is a powerful and emotional piece that expresses your journey to find a solid foundation, which unfortunately, you had to build on your own. It's unfortunate that sometimes our experiences bring us all the way around the things we later wish we didn't do or see, but the reality is, those experiences make us who we are and get us to where we are- the important thing is moving forward in a healthy way, which you have accomplished on so many levels. Well written, well expressed.
xx
Kiki
Comment Written 05-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2013
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Wow thank you for the beautiful review. Its really touching. Childhood was tough But it did make me a better person for it I think. My dad's absence forced me to grow up on my own and also to rely on myself. Whichishood! Thank you again Kiki, really.
Comment from kiwijenny
I wish I had a six for .....so I arose to my heights, and stomped atop paper limbs.....and ...His leaving trapped my innocence~never to return....
My father is the reason I stand now on solid legs....
I liked that you stomped...You show resiliency...in that word...
God bless. I am a mother and when I read your poems I wish you would have had a child hood.. I am glad you write but I can't say I like what I read , I hate it but love your words....
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2013
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I wish I had a six for .....so I arose to my heights, and stomped atop paper limbs.....and ...His leaving trapped my innocence~never to return....
My father is the reason I stand now on solid legs....
I liked that you stomped...You show resiliency...in that word...
God bless. I am a mother and when I read your poems I wish you would have had a child hood.. I am glad you write but I can't say I like what I read , I hate it but love your words....
Comment Written 05-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2013
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Oh wow, what a fantastic and humbling review. Truly. Appreciate it. I wrote this quickly but with a lot of passion. It pretty much sums up my childhood. I'm glad you read it. I didn't know it wouldn't be on the listing if it was a blind entry. And this one is important to me. Thank you, truly.
Comment from Righteous Riter
The writer does a good job of delivering a message that taps into the mind of the reader. This piece makes the reader stop and think. This piece makes me reflect back on all the things that has happened in my life. This is a sign of a good piece. Good job.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2013
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The writer does a good job of delivering a message that taps into the mind of the reader. This piece makes the reader stop and think. This piece makes me reflect back on all the things that has happened in my life. This is a sign of a good piece. Good job.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2013
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Thank you! That was my intent deep down. The picture soothes e, makes me think. So Im glad the poem does too!
Comment from CR Delport
Yeah, some of us had a more traumatic childhood than others. My own was quite carefree and sometimes I wish my life could return to that. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2013
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Yeah, some of us had a more traumatic childhood than others. My own was quite carefree and sometimes I wish my life could return to that. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2013
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I understand what you mean. Being carefree was nice, no bills, etc. Thank you for reading, that's really nice of you. I appreciate it. Really.
Comment from Bobby Jo
This is a great poem about reaching a place of peace in the mist of hell. I can't imagine the pain of growing up with out a father, even if he was around and didn't show the love. Loved your poem and good luck with it.
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2013
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This is a great poem about reaching a place of peace in the mist of hell. I can't imagine the pain of growing up with out a father, even if he was around and didn't show the love. Loved your poem and good luck with it.
Comment Written 04-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2013
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Thank you for reading! Yeah it was tough at times but made me stronger.
That's why the "mud" dried and "hardened" those paper limbs!
I hope to have your choice but I'm sure there are Many great ones! ;)
Comment from MidnightWriter4U
And sometimes absence is the best thing. To grow strong and depend on oneself is much more than paper limbs. I would say the paper became the oak. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2013
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And sometimes absence is the best thing. To grow strong and depend on oneself is much more than paper limbs. I would say the paper became the oak. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 04-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2013
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Thanks so very much! I truly appreciate it. I hope to have your choice but I'm sure there are Many great ones! ;) thank you so much again. I agree with you btw. That's why the "mud" dried and "hardened" those paper limbs!
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You are very welcome. :)
Comment from Rubylou
"As an inhaled bubble of disappearing tears" for me this line sums up your poem. The tears now may not show outwardly though hurt perhaps still prevails. Growing from paper to solid legs I feel your experiences have made you stronger.
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2013
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"As an inhaled bubble of disappearing tears" for me this line sums up your poem. The tears now may not show outwardly though hurt perhaps still prevails. Growing from paper to solid legs I feel your experiences have made you stronger.
Comment Written 04-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2013
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Thank you so much. That's a great compliment and a thorough review. I'm honored that you took the time to read it, truly.
Comment from DiamondGirlz61
You have an excellent knack for using your words wisely and very descriptive! It had a very nice flow and each verse made some very interesting points!
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2013
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You have an excellent knack for using your words wisely and very descriptive! It had a very nice flow and each verse made some very interesting points!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2013
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Thank you for the review! I really appreciate the kind words Diamondgirlz61!