Honey, I'm Home...
10 Word Flash Fiction Story17 total reviews
Comment from vkmack
omg I am rolling on the floor. Please tell me you won this contest. This is just inspired. That's the aftermath of a horrible fight. I've been on the other side of that door more than once. Slamming it was the right thing to do.
In ten words, you summed up what might have been three days of hell preceding them. Inspired.
One thing I noticed: A comma after the first line fixes it all--no grammar errors plus the power of staccato action. If you leave the comma, you need to move the dialogue up to follow it.
He opened the door. (Reader pauses and tenses for action.)
"Miss me?"
"No."
He slammed it. (Your conclusion is done.)
Wonderful job here. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2013
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omg I am rolling on the floor. Please tell me you won this contest. This is just inspired. That's the aftermath of a horrible fight. I've been on the other side of that door more than once. Slamming it was the right thing to do.
In ten words, you summed up what might have been three days of hell preceding them. Inspired.
One thing I noticed: A comma after the first line fixes it all--no grammar errors plus the power of staccato action. If you leave the comma, you need to move the dialogue up to follow it.
He opened the door. (Reader pauses and tenses for action.)
"Miss me?"
"No."
He slammed it. (Your conclusion is done.)
Wonderful job here. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 04-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2013
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So glad you dd, I am going to suggest you read a peice called Daniel, It is very funny, a kid catches a woman swimming naked in her pool.
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I will definitely do that, Joann. Thanks. I'm just peeking in for a second. I have the flu! Yep, the FLU. Oh, so discouraging. Fever, chills, sore throats, achy bones and muscles, nausea, headache--the whole nine yards. I'd be happy to let a volunteer handle at least eight of them, though.
I'll find Daniel in your portfolio when I return to the living. Sounds like fun!
Thanks for the heads up.
Have a wonderful Wednesday.
Vista Kay
Comment from Stephen Wolff
Succinct and witty! Now there's an honest relationship! So few words and one has an insight into the characters! I like it!
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2013
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Succinct and witty! Now there's an honest relationship! So few words and one has an insight into the characters! I like it!
Comment Written 30-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2013
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Thanks so much, unfortunately my most recent work isn't my best, yet I will recommend Two Bit, Daniel and the poem Void.
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I'll have a look.
Comment from MarjorieAnne
This four line, ten word story has it all: setting, plot, dialogue, main and secondary characters, dramatic climax. I can visualize it and imagine the actions, expressions and sounds. Title needs a comma between "home" and "honey".
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2013
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This four line, ten word story has it all: setting, plot, dialogue, main and secondary characters, dramatic climax. I can visualize it and imagine the actions, expressions and sounds. Title needs a comma between "home" and "honey".
Comment Written 29-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2013
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Oh thanks so much for this amazing review, It will go down in the history as one of my favorites, and I will correct the title, Bless you.
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You are welcome
Comment from cinderbella
Yes, you do indeed tell a story with only ten words. I love that you were able to get some dialogue in there. The last line is great. Excellent entry for this contest. Good Luck. :) Sandra
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2013
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Yes, you do indeed tell a story with only ten words. I love that you were able to get some dialogue in there. The last line is great. Excellent entry for this contest. Good Luck. :) Sandra
Comment Written 29-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2013
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Thank you, And it was flash which the prompt requested.
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Yes, I knew it was flash. Great job. :) Sandra
Comment from jmdg1954
He opened the door.
"Miss me?"
"No."
Then slammed it.
Nicely done with the ten words. You leave the reader pondering what may have led up to that situation and then afterwards as well... John
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2013
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He opened the door.
"Miss me?"
"No."
Then slammed it.
Nicely done with the ten words. You leave the reader pondering what may have led up to that situation and then afterwards as well... John
Comment Written 29-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2013
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Thank you, It is flash. and that was the prompt.
Comment from Lovinia
Hi Mystery Writer
I'm so impressed, so much variety in topic and great wit to tell a tale in so few words. Difficult to make a choice on the best ... though I do lean towards the concept of this one. Great idea but I'm not sure if a conjunction beginning a sentence works.... though I'm not a grammar expert. Should there be a comma after
... the door,
no full stop after "No."
and completion with no capital 'T' .... then slammed it.
I may not be right, you are the writer. lol
Good luck in the contest. Warm regards - Lovinia xoxoxo
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2013
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Hi Mystery Writer
I'm so impressed, so much variety in topic and great wit to tell a tale in so few words. Difficult to make a choice on the best ... though I do lean towards the concept of this one. Great idea but I'm not sure if a conjunction beginning a sentence works.... though I'm not a grammar expert. Should there be a comma after
... the door,
no full stop after "No."
and completion with no capital 'T' .... then slammed it.
I may not be right, you are the writer. lol
Good luck in the contest. Warm regards - Lovinia xoxoxo
Comment Written 29-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2013
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I will correct those errors, thanks for the amazing review.
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You're welcome. Great idea .... a few doors have been slammed in my house .... so your story might not be fiction after all. LOL It was difficult to choose. I think yours is up there with the best. Good luck. xoxoox
Comment from Cry the Vile Rebel
This is such a challenging prompt! You manage quit a bit with your allotted words. Here there is a setting, a pair of characters and a conflit. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2013
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This is such a challenging prompt! You manage quit a bit with your allotted words. Here there is a setting, a pair of characters and a conflit. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 29-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2013
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Thank you
Comment from rama devi
Second review
Good job :)
First review (FOUR stars)
This is dramatic. It makes a fine entry for the ten-word story contest. However, the syntax of the closing line is awkward as the use of THEN without a pronoun sounds forced to fit the word limit.
Suggestion:
He slammed it.
Good luck in the contest.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2013
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Second review
Good job :)
First review (FOUR stars)
This is dramatic. It makes a fine entry for the ten-word story contest. However, the syntax of the closing line is awkward as the use of THEN without a pronoun sounds forced to fit the word limit.
Suggestion:
He slammed it.
Good luck in the contest.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 29-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2013
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Thank you, I will correct it.
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Good! Upgraded. ;)
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What a pleasant surprise, Bless you!
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:-))
Comment from Jackarrie
Aw his feeling were hurt, because he was expecting to be missed.
A very good entry for the 10 word story, a very difficult thing to do
Good luck in the contest. Mary
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2013
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Aw his feeling were hurt, because he was expecting to be missed.
A very good entry for the 10 word story, a very difficult thing to do
Good luck in the contest. Mary
Comment Written 29-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2013
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LOl, I know the feeling, from both ends unfortunately.
Comment from Sueellen11
Good entry into the contest ten word count,,, I felt sorry for him,,, he was not missed,,no wonder he slammed the door,,he felt rejected,,,good luck,,blessings,,sueellen
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2013
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Good entry into the contest ten word count,,, I felt sorry for him,,, he was not missed,,no wonder he slammed the door,,he felt rejected,,,good luck,,blessings,,sueellen
Comment Written 29-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2013
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Thank you