The Animal Doctor
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "For His Eyes Only"Love Among the Thorns
36 total reviews
Comment from forestport12
I always thought it intiguing how in our early culture men who slept around expected to fall in love and marry a virgin. You captured the brutal realities of war with the realism of romance included. Another thing that I find hard to comprehend is why more blacks don't write about whites and vice versa. We are coming to place where one shouldn't give it second thought. I wrote the Space Baby book and the supporting character was a man who had a black father and a white mother. Many of our members at a gospel preaching church are in mixed marriages. Great writing from the soul where it makes a bond or connection to these wonderfully descriptive lines.
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2013
  |
I always thought it intiguing how in our early culture men who slept around expected to fall in love and marry a virgin. You captured the brutal realities of war with the realism of romance included. Another thing that I find hard to comprehend is why more blacks don't write about whites and vice versa. We are coming to place where one shouldn't give it second thought. I wrote the Space Baby book and the supporting character was a man who had a black father and a white mother. Many of our members at a gospel preaching church are in mixed marriages. Great writing from the soul where it makes a bond or connection to these wonderfully descriptive lines.
Comment Written 30-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2013
-
I wanted to write about love but my time period demanded that I include the First World war. I never did so much research in my life. Thank you for catching up to my story. I really do appreciate you.
Comment from Auroraboreal800
This is a nicely done new chapter. You're doing a fantastic job with this Romance Fiction Story, that seems so real and erotic.
GOOD job Amahra!
:)
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2013
|
This is a nicely done new chapter. You're doing a fantastic job with this Romance Fiction Story, that seems so real and erotic.
GOOD job Amahra!
:)
Comment Written 19-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2013
-
thank you so much.
Comment from alexgeorge
Well, I'll say one thing for our Nathan--he bounces back every time and is as virile as ever.
The love scenes, as always, were very engaging. I find your writing hugely entertaining.
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2013
|
Well, I'll say one thing for our Nathan--he bounces back every time and is as virile as ever.
The love scenes, as always, were very engaging. I find your writing hugely entertaining.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2013
-
Thank you alexgeorge. I appreciate the read and review.
Comment from Nevermore713
Your story is very descriptive which makes it very easy to read.
I love period pieces and am fascinated with the roaring twenties. I really enjoyed reading this. Thanks for sharing.-nevermore713
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2013
|
Your story is very descriptive which makes it very easy to read.
I love period pieces and am fascinated with the roaring twenties. I really enjoyed reading this. Thanks for sharing.-nevermore713
Comment Written 14-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2013
-
Thank you for reading and reviewing my chapter. I'm so glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from marijmd
Oh no! To have her father talk to him about going easy on his daughter! Yikes I would have to die and drop under the table! LOL
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2013
|
Oh no! To have her father talk to him about going easy on his daughter! Yikes I would have to die and drop under the table! LOL
Comment Written 13-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2013
-
Thank you for stopping by and reviewing. I really enjoy your comments. My father was very protective of me. So, I based it on that.
-
Yeah. I had read something on that order many years ago. And I thought for 1920s it would be nice to add it.
Comment from Royce Reed
Thank you so much for writing this piece. I really enjoyed it. And I hope I run into more of your work. You write quite beautifully. Thank you again. _ Royce
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2013
|
Thank you so much for writing this piece. I really enjoyed it. And I hope I run into more of your work. You write quite beautifully. Thank you again. _ Royce
Comment Written 13-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2013
-
thank you Royce
Comment from Titanx9
I sort of stumbled into your story, almost by accident, but wow was it an awesome read. The love scene was tasteful, and it was well-written; it was also authentic. I must read more of this delicious book.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2013
|
I sort of stumbled into your story, almost by accident, but wow was it an awesome read. The love scene was tasteful, and it was well-written; it was also authentic. I must read more of this delicious book.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2013
-
Thank you so much Titanx9 for stopping by and for this fine review.
Comment from lindalcreel
Thank you so much for the authors notes. I don't remember reading this work before, but the story is well-written. It seems like the good doctor has some baggage that he's brought into the marriage. I'm sure people of wealth kept some illegal brandy in the house during the time of Prohibition, and I'm just as sure there were police officers who took a drink now and again. Getting back to the story, I wonder what will be waiting for the couple when they return home. It doesn't seem like the honeymoon would be uneventful; what fun would that be. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2013
|
Thank you so much for the authors notes. I don't remember reading this work before, but the story is well-written. It seems like the good doctor has some baggage that he's brought into the marriage. I'm sure people of wealth kept some illegal brandy in the house during the time of Prohibition, and I'm just as sure there were police officers who took a drink now and again. Getting back to the story, I wonder what will be waiting for the couple when they return home. It doesn't seem like the honeymoon would be uneventful; what fun would that be. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2013
-
Thank you so much for being a first-time reader. I hope you'll read some back chapters or just keep reading me. I'm so glad you stopped by.
-
Will try to look at the other chapters.
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Amahra. I see you are coming along nicely with your book again. I think you were away from it for a while, weren't you? Anyway: Comments: You do a special job with imagery and dialogue. Very good job on the love scenes by the way. Examples:
"Grace looked dazzling in her white, satin wedding gown that hugged her thin, but curvy body. She was adorned in her mother's pearls. Her bridal veil, made of French lace, appeared the longest Nathan had ever seen. She seemed to float down the aisle like an angel whose feet barely touched the floor."
And: "He smiled at her and snuggled closer. She lifted her arms and pulled him to her. They kissed passionately for several minutes. She gently pulled away long enough to remove her nightgown - letting it slip to the floor--then she pressed back into his arms and they kissed for several more minutes. She pulled away again, laying back on the pillow and relaxing her hands above her head, as if she'd rehearsed it."
Suggestions: Get rid of 99 percent of the words ending in "ly" The modifying adverbs. Go through your chapter and get rid of them by using strong verbs then you won't need modifiers. Adverbs or words ending in "ly" are the weeds of good writing per the experts. I think you will like your writing a lot more and see the difference immediately.
Example: "Grinning widely. (from early paragraph.)
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2013
|
Hi, Amahra. I see you are coming along nicely with your book again. I think you were away from it for a while, weren't you? Anyway: Comments: You do a special job with imagery and dialogue. Very good job on the love scenes by the way. Examples:
"Grace looked dazzling in her white, satin wedding gown that hugged her thin, but curvy body. She was adorned in her mother's pearls. Her bridal veil, made of French lace, appeared the longest Nathan had ever seen. She seemed to float down the aisle like an angel whose feet barely touched the floor."
And: "He smiled at her and snuggled closer. She lifted her arms and pulled him to her. They kissed passionately for several minutes. She gently pulled away long enough to remove her nightgown - letting it slip to the floor--then she pressed back into his arms and they kissed for several more minutes. She pulled away again, laying back on the pillow and relaxing her hands above her head, as if she'd rehearsed it."
Suggestions: Get rid of 99 percent of the words ending in "ly" The modifying adverbs. Go through your chapter and get rid of them by using strong verbs then you won't need modifiers. Adverbs or words ending in "ly" are the weeds of good writing per the experts. I think you will like your writing a lot more and see the difference immediately.
Example: "Grinning widely. (from early paragraph.)
Comment Written 12-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2013
-
Thank you very much for you fine review and corrections. I will go through it as soon as I can. I'm starting a novella that I won't be posting on here. I'll have a paid editor. But I'll get to it. And again thank you for your help, my friend.
Comment from adewpearl
you describe Nathan in excellent detail and also his thoughts as he anticipates his first time with his bride
You make it clear how much he truly cares for her
I like the awkward conversation with her bride's father - it sounds so authentic
good detail in the lovemaking scene though in the middle of a very romantic story I wish there were a way to avoid using "cock"
Brooke
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2013
|
you describe Nathan in excellent detail and also his thoughts as he anticipates his first time with his bride
You make it clear how much he truly cares for her
I like the awkward conversation with her bride's father - it sounds so authentic
good detail in the lovemaking scene though in the middle of a very romantic story I wish there were a way to avoid using "cock"
Brooke
Comment Written 12-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2013
-
Sorry, Brook, I wrestled with that one. But I read up on it by loves scenes gurus and they said that using words like penis and moist and describing orgasms as bombs bursting all over the place was amateur. So I kept it as nice as I could and just put a warning on it. So, hope you weren't too turned off. And thank you for this kind review.
-
It's not so much turned off, though I hate that word, but feeling that it is a hard core street term within the context of a very romantic story. It just seems out of place, just like calling it a pee pee would seem out of place in the middle of a porn story. LOL