Tall Tales and Short Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "Rice Crispy Morning"Personal growth stories for children
15 total reviews
Comment from Curly Girly
This was a fun story to read, and it was unique.
There are several problems with typos.
Here's a few I found:
"Good morning,Buddy, did you wash your face"? Told ya, never fails.
Suggest:
"Good morning,[space]Buddy, did you wash your face[?"] Told ya, never fails.
good ,I could feel them resting on my closed eyelids.
good, I could feel them resting on my closed eyelids.
"Awesome, this is what I call a REAL 'Rice Crispy Morning."
"Awesome, this is what I call a REAL 'Rice Crispy' Morning."
Thoughts should be put into italics (slanted writing OR: single speech marks / quotation marks: 'No,' he thought.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2014
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This was a fun story to read, and it was unique.
There are several problems with typos.
Here's a few I found:
"Good morning,Buddy, did you wash your face"? Told ya, never fails.
Suggest:
"Good morning,[space]Buddy, did you wash your face[?"] Told ya, never fails.
good ,I could feel them resting on my closed eyelids.
good, I could feel them resting on my closed eyelids.
"Awesome, this is what I call a REAL 'Rice Crispy Morning."
"Awesome, this is what I call a REAL 'Rice Crispy' Morning."
Thoughts should be put into italics (slanted writing OR: single speech marks / quotation marks: 'No,' he thought.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2014
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Thanks Nicole for this fantastic review and edits. I appreciate your time, encouragement, and remarks. :-) Carolyn
Comment from zanya
Childhood - that special 'place' where we linger for far too short a time nicely conveyed here - the child and the budding young man within
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2014
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Childhood - that special 'place' where we linger for far too short a time nicely conveyed here - the child and the budding young man within
Comment Written 30-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2014
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What an honor to receive this brilliant little six from you. I am delighted you enjoyed this one. It did not win the contest but it has made a lot of people smile. That is gratifying indeed. :-) Carolyn
Comment from Lynette Marie
This reminds me so much of my son when he was that age. Pancakes are his favorite, too. You have captured the essence of childhood thoughts so well. It is well written and fits perfectly into the contest guidelines. Well done!
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2014
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This reminds me so much of my son when he was that age. Pancakes are his favorite, too. You have captured the essence of childhood thoughts so well. It is well written and fits perfectly into the contest guidelines. Well done!
Comment Written 30-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2014
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I appreciate this review so much and that it brought back memories to you. :-) Carolyn
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I forgot to mention I love the title!
Comment from Lovinia
Hi Mystery Writer
How could anyone resist this title?? lol ( especially all the 'kids at heart'). I love the tie=in to the "snap, crackle and pop" and the Rice Crispy jingle .... we cal them Rice Bubbles in Ausie land.
Your story is absolutely delightful .... an age old story of first love and the point of view on daily life of a young boy. I have enjoyed every line and had a chuckle most of the way down (from a mother-of-sons point of view - hahaha!) You have made the story your own and it is lively, fun and extremely entertaining. I wish you luck in the contest and imagine this will be popular and high rting. Well done. Warm Hugs - Lovinia xoxoxo
" ... cause Mom always ask(s) if I washed ..." just missing an 's'. BTW - I love this little line tucked in .... such a boy's line, and I've reared three of them. lol
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2014
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Hi Mystery Writer
How could anyone resist this title?? lol ( especially all the 'kids at heart'). I love the tie=in to the "snap, crackle and pop" and the Rice Crispy jingle .... we cal them Rice Bubbles in Ausie land.
Your story is absolutely delightful .... an age old story of first love and the point of view on daily life of a young boy. I have enjoyed every line and had a chuckle most of the way down (from a mother-of-sons point of view - hahaha!) You have made the story your own and it is lively, fun and extremely entertaining. I wish you luck in the contest and imagine this will be popular and high rting. Well done. Warm Hugs - Lovinia xoxoxo
" ... cause Mom always ask(s) if I washed ..." just missing an 's'. BTW - I love this little line tucked in .... such a boy's line, and I've reared three of them. lol
Comment Written 29-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2014
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Hi there, I enjoyed your review so much and the little glimpsed of the family unit at your home. I will fix that 's'.. Thanks so much Lovinia have a great day, Hugs back to you, Carolyn
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Hi Carolyn
Awe shucks! You had my vote and I was hoping for a win. There were a number of great entries, the winner included. Well done, I enjoyed your story.Have ag reat day yourself. :))) Keep up the great work. Hugs - Lovi xoxox
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Thank you for voting, I had great reviews but most readers don't vote I fear. I enjoyed writing the story and have been ask to do more, so that's enough glory LOL Hugs to you too Lovina, :-) Carolyn
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You're right - your story was still a winner. It is a pin when a piece receives lots of reviews and only a few votes. Tho' I try to keep tabs and it is sometimes difficult to remember to vote or have the time. Good luck and keep those stories coming. Hugs - Lovi xoxox
Comment from MarjorieAnne
This sounds authentic, true to life in character, dialogue and emotion. In paragraph 3 the word "ask" needs to be "asks". There are places where it seems like more should be in quotes: for example, "Hey pancakes, my favorite".
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2014
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This sounds authentic, true to life in character, dialogue and emotion. In paragraph 3 the word "ask" needs to be "asks". There are places where it seems like more should be in quotes: for example, "Hey pancakes, my favorite".
Comment Written 29-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2014
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Thanks MarjorieAnne for this wonderful review. I am fixing 'ask', and appreciate the other editorial comments as well. So happy you enjoyed this one. :-) Carolyn
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You're welcome
Comment from Janie King
Oh this was a sweet story and very appropriate the age of child that was in it. Would make a good chapter in a children's book. God loves you and I do too.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2014
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Oh this was a sweet story and very appropriate the age of child that was in it. Would make a good chapter in a children's book. God loves you and I do too.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2014
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Thanks Janie, I thought about the book aspect. As for now, just a short story. How is Miss Evelyn, I love you for the sweet time you spend with her. I am delighted you enjoyed this one. :-) Carolyn
Comment from Delores J. Howard
I could just see this little fella checking to see if he was getting taller ("every" morning). He has his crush, as most little kids do. And he's excited to see her. It was a really cute story. I assume that the last line sums up the story with a comparison of the morning's events to the little guy's most favorite thing in the whole world. It can't get any better than this!!! Real cute.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2014
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I could just see this little fella checking to see if he was getting taller ("every" morning). He has his crush, as most little kids do. And he's excited to see her. It was a really cute story. I assume that the last line sums up the story with a comparison of the morning's events to the little guy's most favorite thing in the whole world. It can't get any better than this!!! Real cute.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2014
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Thanks Delores, I enjoyed your review almost as much as I did writing the story itself. So glad you liked it, yes the 'snap, crackle, and pop' is the Rice Krispy slogan. :-) Carolyn
Comment from Jackarrie
a well written story from a 10 year old point of view, Buddy is a natural little boy of his age. full of adventure, and he likes to have the company of Mindy. The day sounds an ideal day for snow lovers.
well done good luck in the contest. Mary
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2014
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a well written story from a 10 year old point of view, Buddy is a natural little boy of his age. full of adventure, and he likes to have the company of Mindy. The day sounds an ideal day for snow lovers.
well done good luck in the contest. Mary
Comment Written 29-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2014
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Thanks Jackarrie, I appreciate your review. :-)
Comment from adewpearl
above my head, and tried - drop the comma
Good morning, Buddy - add comma for direct address
I like the narrator's thought process, very much like a boy
a lovely closing :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2014
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above my head, and tried - drop the comma
Good morning, Buddy - add comma for direct address
I like the narrator's thought process, very much like a boy
a lovely closing :-) Brooke
Comment Written 29-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2014
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I appreciate the edits and general comments. Thank you Brooke,
:-)
Comment from barkingdog
You did a good job of writing a story as a young boy. Mentioning things that a young boy thinks about like getting taller and semi-washing his face were realistic touches, bringing the character to light.
Nicely done. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2014
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You did a good job of writing a story as a young boy. Mentioning things that a young boy thinks about like getting taller and semi-washing his face were realistic touches, bringing the character to light.
Nicely done. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2014
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Thanks for the review and great comments.