Comment from Sankey

Excellent

Good chapter again. Appreciate your help earlier thanks. Some comments and spags.
Love the descriptive language snake and dentures hehe
M(a)y I get your coat?"

had fil(l)ed her in on Winston

 Comment Written 05-May-2014

Comment from seaglass

Excellent

Cool, six toes..an abnormality almost as discerning as DNA. Great little surprise. Sounds like they've met their match in Diamond.

Fun little turn in the 'raising of bus fare.

I like the comparison of the smiling snake

"(My) I get your coat?"--did you mean (May)?
"(The) walked around near the bus stop" ??(They)

 Comment Written 04-May-2014

Comment from GracieAnn

Excellent

Now the big shoe has dropped and the ends are swirling looking for a place to be tied. Lots of things going on and a wee bit unclear at times. I think it would help to have less subplots in the same chapter. Strong dialog, humor, and word choice. :0 GracieAnn

 Comment Written 03-May-2014

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reply by the author on 03-May-2014

He jumps ahead to say hello! Yes!!! I know what you mean. I'm trying to gather everybody up and get them closer together. Hahaha. They're all over the place. I'm working on it. Your review is describing my brain at the moment. I do need to get down to the main business at hand. mikey

Comment from ravenblack

Excellent

More and more, it seems like the Bard is Harpster' s muse. Smile- a snake as a lifelong wino with dentures- sounds like something the Bard would say...wait, you are the Bard.

 Comment Written 03-May-2014

Comment from CR Delport

Excellent

Things are heating up in the Blackwell mansion. If Diamond is not careful, she and Ruby could be come guests of Winston's and that will not end well for them. The scene with the Bard and Senior earning bus money by singing is quite funny. Another great chapter.

 Comment Written 03-May-2014

Comment from l.raven

Excellent

HI Michael, Ok...Lucy is at the helm...Junior (Mr. greed) thinks it's all his...and more people get on the list...Ruby and Diamond meet Junior....but not with a smile...and Lucy has to watch Winston...shady....now Bard and Harpster are singing to earn money to catch the bus....and your Yesterday is not the same one I remembered...LOL...now safe on the bus...so lets move on...still a great write you...loving it!!! Luff Linda xxoo

 Comment Written 02-May-2014

Comment from Tatarka2

Excellent

I love the poetry inserted into the story, especially the revision of "Yesterday." I did think the transition from one story to another within this chapter was a bit abrupt, and could be confusing.

 Comment Written 02-May-2014

Comment from Phyllis Stewart

Excellent

They would search for Harpster where someone like Harpster would go. They would go instead to where someone like the Bard would go.

Those lines are superb. I love parallel construction like that!

Also loved the line about the snake with dentures. Good episode, Mikey. :)

 Comment Written 02-May-2014

Comment from nancy_e_davis

Excellent

They're holed up their (there) now
The(y) walked around near the bus stop
There's a couple if nits I saw as I read the story. This is getting interesting. Where was Brewster when Ruby showed her claim to fame toes? She is in danger now and Diamond. I hope the Bard and Harpster go to the tree house and watch the action in the mansion. Good job Michael. Nancy

 Comment Written 02-May-2014

Comment from Nosha17

Excellent

I liked the humour in this chapter. A lot of action and changes which have spurred the story on. Well written and most enjoyable as always. Just a wee reminder, in case you don't see it, I have just posted a poem in my travelogue series! It is about a fabulous archaeological site in Ireland that my daughter and I visited. I am sure you will enjoy it and will save you the trip! Faye

 Comment Written 02-May-2014