The Bard of Bel Air
Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "Lincoln Surprises & Plans Are Made"A homeless man sees more than people realize.
14 total reviews
Comment from Sankey
Great work again mate shock horror NO SPAGS this time. Things are definitely looking up. Only a few more to catch up to you.
reply by the author on 16-May-2014
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Great work again mate shock horror NO SPAGS this time. Things are definitely looking up. Only a few more to catch up to you.
Comment Written 15-May-2014
reply by the author on 16-May-2014
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I used to have pages of them!!
Comment from ravenblack
I am glad that you made Lincoln more than just a stock character, a butler and servant. And Gloria Vanderbilt jeans? Holy 1980's.
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I am glad that you made Lincoln more than just a stock character, a butler and servant. And Gloria Vanderbilt jeans? Holy 1980's.
Comment Written 12-May-2014
Comment from Nosha17
I thought the scene with Lincoln and Winston played out really well and was very convincing and essential to the plot of the story. I am enjoying it, hope you are having fun writing it. Great write. Faye
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I thought the scene with Lincoln and Winston played out really well and was very convincing and essential to the plot of the story. I am enjoying it, hope you are having fun writing it. Great write. Faye
Comment Written 11-May-2014
Comment from Tatarka2
This chapter was a lot easier to follow. Also, in this case, the first several paragraphs read to me as meaningful, articulate, and added to the story in that they added necessary explanation about the character and his motivations. I still really like the poetry within the story - it's very unique, and keeps the reader intrigued. I do think you're taking a long time to get to the point of the story here, though. I'd get it moving along, and I think the next chapter begins to do that.
reply by the author on 10-May-2014
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This chapter was a lot easier to follow. Also, in this case, the first several paragraphs read to me as meaningful, articulate, and added to the story in that they added necessary explanation about the character and his motivations. I still really like the poetry within the story - it's very unique, and keeps the reader intrigued. I do think you're taking a long time to get to the point of the story here, though. I'd get it moving along, and I think the next chapter begins to do that.
Comment Written 10-May-2014
reply by the author on 10-May-2014
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Hi. Just skipping ahead to say hello. Hopelessly buried. But, I am listening closely. I think everything is set up to move forward now. I will look at some of the things you mentioned in previous reviews. I also think Lucy jumped on board a little too quickly. But, I can fix that. Some of Lucy's character stayed in my head and didn't make it to paper! Anyway, great input. I think It will run a bit smoother now. (I hope) mikey
Comment from nordicgirl
Ha!!! Since we all think Lincoln is a goner, of course, you spare him!!! Great build up and believable conclusion. Totally illustrated yhe sense of danger without lifting a finger!!!! Well done. Seeds are sown. NG
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Ha!!! Since we all think Lincoln is a goner, of course, you spare him!!! Great build up and believable conclusion. Totally illustrated yhe sense of danger without lifting a finger!!!! Well done. Seeds are sown. NG
Comment Written 10-May-2014
Comment from ProjectBluebook
Looks like you got things figured out pretty darn well. Just thinking ... maybe, Lucy can have a sayonce in the mansion with family present. Sh ecould conjure up Black Well's ghost. Perhaps, a hidden speaking? Maybe, conjuring up the dead, Harpster, will trigger fear into Winston. Scare Winston out of the mansion. Lucy is a maid? undercover. She could double as a gypsy fortune teller. This would give your story a supernatural aspect,a new twist. You can probably think up many ways pertaining to the sayonce and who is involved. Just an idea ... do loco, wackydo
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Looks like you got things figured out pretty darn well. Just thinking ... maybe, Lucy can have a sayonce in the mansion with family present. Sh ecould conjure up Black Well's ghost. Perhaps, a hidden speaking? Maybe, conjuring up the dead, Harpster, will trigger fear into Winston. Scare Winston out of the mansion. Lucy is a maid? undercover. She could double as a gypsy fortune teller. This would give your story a supernatural aspect,a new twist. You can probably think up many ways pertaining to the sayonce and who is involved. Just an idea ... do loco, wackydo
Comment Written 10-May-2014
Comment from l.raven
HI Michael, I thought when Winston confronted Lincoln...Lincoln was toast...and Winston wants to ask Lucy to do something...and now a plan is starting to come together...very interesting...a great story told....luff Linda xoox
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HI Michael, I thought when Winston confronted Lincoln...Lincoln was toast...and Winston wants to ask Lucy to do something...and now a plan is starting to come together...very interesting...a great story told....luff Linda xoox
Comment Written 09-May-2014
Comment from country ranch writer
THINGS ARE STARTING TO HEAT UP AND I HOPE THEIR PLANS DON'T BACKFIRE ON THEM AND THEY SEEM QUITE DETERMINED TO GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS
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THINGS ARE STARTING TO HEAT UP AND I HOPE THEIR PLANS DON'T BACKFIRE ON THEM AND THEY SEEM QUITE DETERMINED TO GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS
Comment Written 09-May-2014
Comment from seaglass
Its moving along smoothly. Lincoln's loyalty was a key issue and its one that can move back and forth if the writer wanted to string along the suspense or add a twist.
I like the metaphor of the river carving out the rock bed.Boy is it true. Ive seen greed and power cut a huge gulleys out of what I thought were good characters.
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Its moving along smoothly. Lincoln's loyalty was a key issue and its one that can move back and forth if the writer wanted to string along the suspense or add a twist.
I like the metaphor of the river carving out the rock bed.Boy is it true. Ive seen greed and power cut a huge gulleys out of what I thought were good characters.
Comment Written 09-May-2014
Comment from nelliesellie
I love how the story is coming together. Lincoln is in danger, but Winston has his eyes on Lucky. It is a lucky diversion right now. Each person is bringing in their own talents and they are working very well. It is coming to real danger now. Great work.
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I love how the story is coming together. Lincoln is in danger, but Winston has his eyes on Lucky. It is a lucky diversion right now. Each person is bringing in their own talents and they are working very well. It is coming to real danger now. Great work.
Comment Written 09-May-2014