Comment from Delahay

Excellent

I enjoyed both this poem and the original it was paired with. The image of racing around the face of a clock as we live our lives. And a stopped clock is the end as time loses it's hold, or power, over us.

 Comment Written 16-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Jun-2014

Thanks, Ward - I had hopes for this in the contest, but it was not to be...

Steve

Comment from sunnilicious

Excellent

Great wisdom bestowed. Great monorhymes running in those 2 verses. I like the alliteration with sweet/scented/shower best. Nice work.

Have a wonderful week :)

 Comment Written 15-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Jun-2014

Thanks for the kind words.

Steve

Comment from Bill Schott

Excellent

This sequel really brings the story around to a conclusion. The time that we spend in pursuits of all kinds will eventually come to an end. Nicely thought out.

 Comment Written 15-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Jun-2014

Thanks, Bill!

Steve

Comment from RGstar

Excellent

Well , this seems like a sequel or a continuation which refers back to the original. The relationship from one to the other signifies a solution.

Nicely done.
Rgstar

 Comment Written 15-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Jun-2014

Thanks for the kind words.

Steve

Comment from Kenneth Schaal

Excellent

Life and death is the subject, but I find the first write somewhat enigmatic, it's the 'Love renders us small' that does it for me. The second one shores us up with abundant love. Well written, and good luck. Kenny

 Comment Written 15-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014

Thanks, Kenny - some reviewers didn't get the Life/Death theme...

Steve

Comment from c_lucas

Excellent

This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very imposing read. There is good imagery and descriptive scheme. Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 15-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014

Thanks, Charlie.

Steve

reply by c_lucas on 15-Jun-2014

You're welcome, Steve. Charlie

Comment from seaglass

Excellent

These bookend poems were a great idea. I wish I had gotten into the contest. From this set, I take it to mean; the struggles with life trouble us during youth and the calm that comes in later life, when these struggles are put to rest.

The simple rhyming pattern, repeating the same sound on each last word of every line, can sometime sound amateurish to me, but in this case I thought it added to the uniqueness of both poems.

 Comment Written 15-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014

Thank you - yes, it was an interesting contest - I see they have a similar one for prose now.

You almost hit on my theme - poem one about life's struggles, poem two about the afterlife - then indeed all questions are answered and time loses its power...

Comment from His Grayness

Excellent

Dear kiwisteveh: this is a first for me to ever see this style of poetry but certainly it is interesting and I would see it as 'well done". Thanks for the experience and hoping to see more from you. HIS GRAYNESS: Vance

 Comment Written 15-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014

Vance, thanks for the review and the kind words.

Steve

Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin

Excellent

Hi Kiwisteve,

Love the artwork with this. Is it yours? Great pairing of the bookend poems as well.

Nicely done. Good luck in the contest.

Cheers,
Keep Smilin'... Jax

 Comment Written 14-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014

Thanks, Jax.

No, not my drawing - my artistic ability is limited to words...

Steve

reply by Jacqueline M Franklin on 15-Jun-2014

LOL... I know what you mean, I can't even draw stick people and make them look stick people!! Cheer...

Comment from ravenblack

Excellent

I remember that first enigmatic poem. The second is a great sequel. It looks like you have answered your questions, that they no longer devour.

 Comment Written 14-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014

Thank you - yes, I went for 'all questions are answered when you die', but some didn't get it. I guess you're not a real poet until people misunderstand your intentions...

Steve