Comment from Gloria ....

Excellent

Steve, exceptional.

Ah this is the kind of love I like, dreamy and ethereal. It's the day to day tedium that gets da DUM. I swiped that clever word from Tony. I think he's just written a senryu with that word tedium.

Excellent iambs, enjambment and imagery as per always flowing from your quill. I love the subtle tones and movement through what feels like a dream. A good dream.

laughing water is a brilliant turn of phrase.

Best wishes to you in the contest. This is terrific.

Gloria

 Comment Written 28-Mar-2015

---

reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015

Of course if you reslly want to show you are sophisticated clever you would call it ennui!

Thanks for the great review - looks like another near miss!

Steve

reply by Gloria .... on 29-Mar-2015

But ennui doesn't go da DUM like te DIUM does. Sophisticated clever truly is a bore, wouldn't you agree?

reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015

Could do - two syllables on-NWEE

But then ennui is rather twee...

Comment from nordicgirl

Excellent

I must admit that I DO like this piecequite a bit. The lack of rhyme doesn't hinder this and the beautiful images flow easily before me. I feel like I am reading good poetry with this one. Lovely.

 Comment Written 28-Mar-2015

---

reply by the author on 28-Mar-2015

Thanks for the kind words 'good' poetry is OK. It's 'real' poetry that's a bit scary!

Now tell me why I don't see any posts in your portfolio...

Steve

Comment from Pantygynt

Excellent

A fine piece of romantic writing. It flows along in perfect pentameters and the imagery of all the previous lovers smiling across the years is excellent. I loved it.

 Comment Written 27-Mar-2015

---

reply by the author on 28-Mar-2015

Thanks for the kind words.

Let battle commence.

Steve

reply by Pantygynt on 28-Mar-2015

It will!

Comment from mountainwriter49

Excellent

Good Evening, Steve

Thank you so much for participating in the Blank Verse Contest. I am delighted to have someone of your skill and poetic achievement participate.

I am quite delighted you have decided to amend your poem so it would not be disqualified. The poem has been so well received, and rightly so.

I love your poem. I love all things Italian, so your poem spoke very vividly to me. I've been to those Tuscan olive groves, supped on the bread and cheese and enjoyed too much red wine--though smooth, full-bodied wine and not rough. Toscana is indeed a place for romance. I'll save specific accolades for the public review. Suffice it to say your poem is full of vivid imagery, sensory appeal, and so well told. The quatrains build upon each other and sweep the reader away on a romantic trip. Your skillful deployment of enjambment mitigates the absence of rhyme and enhances the meter.

Thank you for correcting the issues I brought to you in the private review. With that said, Mikey's review revealed two rhyme pairs that I missed. There are: bread / red, and where / care.

In your reply to Mikey's poem you acknowledged they were rhymes and I'd missed them. I reviewed where / care and do not see them as a problem because there are at least three acceptable pronunciations of 'where'. I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt with the pronunciation that does not have proximate rhyme with care.

On the other hand, you will need to fix bread / red. Not only is this an internal-line rhyme, it is a true rhyme. There is an easy fix and given the time issues involved before the voting booth opens, I'll offer it as but one of many possible alternatives. It would also give you the chance to add some Italian language in your poem about Toscana.

Steve
of bread and cheese washed down with rough red wine.
An Idea
of cheese and pane washed down with red wine.

I have asked other poets in the contest to further edit their poems based on Mikey's keen eye in his reviews. I think all have been accomplished save one, and that is to be finished by Friday morning.

pane is a two syllable Italian word for bread. By the way, what is 'rough red wine?'

Please make a correction to this one last issue.

Thank you,
-Ray

 Comment Written 26-Mar-2015

---

reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015

Ray, thanks for the review and the kind words.

I will do something with bread/red - perhaps not your kind suggestion of pane - I think the sudden appearance of an Italian word, especially one that is identical to an English word, may throw a few readers...

I am not a wine buff (nor have I ever been to Italy). However, I believe 'rough' when applied to wines indicates one that is very 'young' or immature and perhaps with flavours that make it unsuitable for commercial trade. Thus it might be drunk by the household or workers in a vineyard, but would never come up for sale...

If you have been reading my reviews, you may have seen a couple of my replies which indicated my displeasure with the stringent rules of this contest. I apologise if any of these offended you - I should have saved my thoughts for that conversation I want to have later, not put them out there in such a cranky-pants way. I seldom think of the dialog between myself and reviewers as being public, although of course it can be.

Thanks again for sponsoring the contest and for your attention to detail to put everyone on a level playing-field.

Steve

reply by mountainwriter49 on 27-Mar-2015

Good Morning, Steve,

Thank you.

I have indeed read your reviews and comments as I have done with all of the entries. The quality of the reviews from fellow blank-verse poets have been stellar and most helpful in catching things I missed as well, as acknowledging all of the wonderful elements of each poet's poem.

I encourage you to make the trip to Italy one day. Toscana is indeed the most beautiful place I've ever visited. Wonderful people, delicious food, terrific wine, the world's best art, vivid history, etc. all blend together to make it truly a most special place. It is also the poet's Mecca for inspiration and writing.

Please be assured I am not offended by your childish remarks. I have always admired you as a superb poet and role model for FS, and thus was most disappointed by your "cranky pants" attitude.

Once the contest booth has closed, I will be glad to engage in the conversation which you seek.

-Ray

Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca

Excellent

I cannot do blank verse, I always mess it up and am frustrated so when I see one that is expertly done, I have to let that person know.
Loved the flow and the way you put the words together for description.
Nicely done. Good luck

 Comment Written 26-Mar-2015

---

reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015

Barb, thanks so much for the kind words.

Blank verse is not really so difficult - in many ways it is the easiest form to rite because you don't have to worry about rhyme and the rhythms are a lot like natural speech.

Steve

Comment from nancyjam

Exceptional

Wonderful Blank verse poem that flows so
smoothly.
Great use of enjambment.
Beautiful imagery throughout.
Love the romantic theme, time and place.
Good luck in the contest. Nancy

 Comment Written 26-Mar-2015

---

reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015

Nancy, thanks so much for the great review and the six stars.

This is actually the B version - I had to make changes to fit the strict 'no rhymes at all, anywhere' policy. I'll change back to the even better A version after the contest voting!

Steve

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

You avoid rhyme well as one needs to in blank verse
good steady cadence due to consistent use of iambic meter
good flow of thought from line to line because of your use of enjambment
genuine expression of emotion as the speaker recalls love in this beautiful romantic setting
times that spilled like laughing waters - beautiful use of simile
movingly nostalgic
lovely detail of setting
strong sensory and emotional appeal
well done, my friend :-) Brooke

 Comment Written 26-Mar-2015

---

reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015

Thanks, Brooke.

I have only just edited this to bring it into line with the stringent 'no rhyme anywhere' policy. It will revert back to my preferred version after the contest!

Steve

Comment from pennedup

Excellent

What a lovely and romantic piece. I loved these lines , they gave such a powerful image to me. "an ancient olive grove that wrapped us in its gnarled and twisted arms
and whispered softly, "Welcome to my shade." I loved the simplicity and innocence that your poem speaks in. Well done.

 Comment Written 26-Mar-2015

---

reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015

Thanks for the great review.

Steve

Comment from GregoryCody

Excellent

Hi! Wow. Blank verse. That is AWESOME. I just read another blank verse from Michael. Such great work here Steve!

We were not new, perfect line. Laughing water? I LOVE THAT. Such a great close too Steve. Need more sixes.


Good luck! Btw, Sorry I've taken so long to review. I have a newborn. He's been taking up my time of course. But I'll be back reviewing full force soon. I miss reading your work. I need more sixes as I said.

 Comment Written 26-Mar-2015

---

reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015

Greg, enjoy the the life in your household - everything else needs to take second place. With luck you will find a few 'perfect days' in there somewhere in amomgst the screaming and disrupted nights and stinky nappies.

Thanks for the kind words and the virtual six.

Steve

Comment from emrpoems

Excellent

Excellent rhythm and good use of enjambment in your blank verse
Excellent meter and vivid imagery. An admirable piece o poetry and an enjoyable read.
Good luck in the contest

 Comment Written 26-Mar-2015

---

reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015

Thanks for the great review.

Steve