haiku (wild summer flowers)
painter's paradise...........4 total reviews
Comment from Joan E.
I like to paint and I could visualize the "meadow" your 5-7-5 haiku describes as a perfect scene to capture on canvas, as you did in your poem. Best wishes in the contest and happy weekend- Joan, from Oregon
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2015
  |
I like to paint and I could visualize the "meadow" your 5-7-5 haiku describes as a perfect scene to capture on canvas, as you did in your poem. Best wishes in the contest and happy weekend- Joan, from Oregon
Comment Written 05-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2015
-
Thank you so much for the excellent review and your exceptional comments. Have a great time in Oregon! I was there
once and loved it. It was one of the cleanest states I have ever been to.
-
Yes, it is lovely here, and we have one more day of the Bard's and contemporary plays. Hugs and happy Sunday- Joan
Comment from Jackarrie
This is a great entry into the summer haiku contest, I can just see the artist canvas with the array of the colors of summer.
Good luck in the contest. Mary
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2015
|
This is a great entry into the summer haiku contest, I can just see the artist canvas with the array of the colors of summer.
Good luck in the contest. Mary
Comment Written 24-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2015
-
Hi, so sorry it took awhile to get back to you - I was away for most of this week. Thank you so much for the excellent review and your great comments. Have a great weekend! Hope you are doing well........harmony13
Comment from rspoet
This is a potentially good haiku
The syllables are exact at 5-7-5 (the prompt says preferably less, but that is your choice)
It has excellent concrete imagery with the wild flowers and the field
The two lines has solid grammatical connection
Present tense is good
Excellent satori line
The one problem is alliteration (prompt says avoid, usually one pair is okay)
you have flowers/fill/field and painter's/paradise
It's up to the committee, but I think they will DQ this poem for alliteration
Maybe something like "cover meadows with beauty" would work
It's your choice
Best of luck in the contest
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2015
|
This is a potentially good haiku
The syllables are exact at 5-7-5 (the prompt says preferably less, but that is your choice)
It has excellent concrete imagery with the wild flowers and the field
The two lines has solid grammatical connection
Present tense is good
Excellent satori line
The one problem is alliteration (prompt says avoid, usually one pair is okay)
you have flowers/fill/field and painter's/paradise
It's up to the committee, but I think they will DQ this poem for alliteration
Maybe something like "cover meadows with beauty" would work
It's your choice
Best of luck in the contest
Comment Written 23-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2015
-
Thank you so much for the excellent review and your exceptional comments. I changed the haiku to the following:
wild summer flowers
color meadow vibrantly
artist paradise
If you get a chance let me know what you think. Thanks again...........
-
I think this is much better. I was looking at color, (you have to be careful of personification) but I think it is okay. Good luck!
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is a beautiful haiku, mystery writer, but you have to lose the artwork as it is against the contest rules, you have time to take it off before the committee displaces it as they don't do that until the contest starts. good luck
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2015
|
this is a beautiful haiku, mystery writer, but you have to lose the artwork as it is against the contest rules, you have time to take it off before the committee displaces it as they don't do that until the contest starts. good luck
Comment Written 23-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2015
-
Hi, Thanks so much for your excellent review and comments. I realized just before I got your review that I had to remove the artwork and the author's notes. Thank you.......