Comment from ellie6

Excellent

A picturesque haiku, the illustration suits the rext of the poem beautifully. The scene is captured graphically in verse. I can almost see the setting sun.

 Comment Written 18-Sep-2015

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reply by the author on 18-Sep-2015

Thanks so much for reading and responding to my haiku. I do appreciate your comments.

Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose

Excellent

Hello :)

Pretty good haiku. You did a good job adhering to all the contest rules- two interconnected lines, a kigo, syllable count; the satori is weak but over all you did a good job.
~gypsy

 Comment Written 17-Sep-2015

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reply by the author on 18-Sep-2015

Thanks for reading and responding. I do appreciate your comments, and I'll keep them in mind for the next haiku. The satori always gives me problems. elaine

Comment from rspoet

Excellent

This is a very good entry for the Sunset contest
The syllables are good at 3-6-4
Good imagery and connection
Present tense and s/l/s
Good satori line
Very good picture to match the poem
Well done
Good luck in the contest

 Comment Written 17-Sep-2015

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reply by the author on 18-Sep-2015

Thanks for reading and responding to my work. I live on a small island off the Louisiana coast, and we see those sunsets nearly every day. elaine

Comment from Tessa Kay

Excellent

I like the idea of picturing the sun as a sphere that deflates. Very imaginative.
Haiku's are beginning to be a favourite of mine, and this one is very nice. :)

 Comment Written 17-Sep-2015

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reply by the author on 18-Sep-2015

Thanks for reading and responding to my haiku. I, too, am starting to like the haiku more and more. I appreciate your comments.

Comment from sweetwoodjax

Excellent

this is an excellent write, mystery writer, you did an excellent job writing this haiky poem about the sinking sun, it does look like a big ball. good luck in thecontest

 Comment Written 17-Sep-2015

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reply by the author on 18-Sep-2015

Thanks so much for reading and responding. I live on a small island, so I get to see these beautiful sunsets often. elaine

Comment from RodG

Excellent

You have paired picture and poem very nicely here. Visually it is easy to see the contrast of sinking sun and rising dusk.
"Deflates" is an excellent verb choice
The S-alliteration + consonance in lines 1, 2 & 3 enhance the MOOD.

 Comment Written 16-Sep-2015

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reply by the author on 18-Sep-2015

Thanks so much for reading and responding in detail. I appreciate your comments. elaine

Comment from DiaMarEl

Exceptional

This is a lovely entry. The imagery created by your well-chosen words allows readers to visualize the beauty of a sunset as if they were present. You follow the requirements of syllable count, structure and content very well. The artwork chosen fits your message wonderfully. Best wishes in the contest!

 Comment Written 16-Sep-2015

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reply by the author on 18-Sep-2015

Thanks so much for reading and responding so positively to my haiku. Six stars really motivate me to keep plugging away. I appreciate your comments. elaine