Humanity Project
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Desert Dilemma"A science fiction book about genetic engineering.
35 total reviews
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day Cowgirl.
I've been waiting to find out what she says.
"I know, at least not to people we love. But, oh Koko, how does it feel to have a life inside you?" (Crikey! I though she was gonna go off like a frog in a sock... oops! Sorry all of you greenies out there, but socks keep frogs warm in winter and their skin cool in times of drought! Well, I think they would.)
"I know we've been out here on field trips, but never this far, and never without Cougar guards. I can actually feel insects touching me." (lol. Come here some time!)
"Why do you think I let Archie carry me so long?"
"Because he had you tied up?" (Hahahaha! That's hilarious.)
"Ayala looked at Archie with calm determination. "As soon as we reach the road, can you get a motorist to pick us up?" (Very effective work, Sis.)
"And there are many hidden places in the mountains (where) they could move the people,"
A very nicely woven (pun intended) chapter. Again, the emotions of the characters shine through like he desert moonlight. It's so good Ayala has come on board and I can feel a love story coming on.
Great job.
Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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G'day Cowgirl.
I've been waiting to find out what she says.
"I know, at least not to people we love. But, oh Koko, how does it feel to have a life inside you?" (Crikey! I though she was gonna go off like a frog in a sock... oops! Sorry all of you greenies out there, but socks keep frogs warm in winter and their skin cool in times of drought! Well, I think they would.)
"I know we've been out here on field trips, but never this far, and never without Cougar guards. I can actually feel insects touching me." (lol. Come here some time!)
"Why do you think I let Archie carry me so long?"
"Because he had you tied up?" (Hahahaha! That's hilarious.)
"Ayala looked at Archie with calm determination. "As soon as we reach the road, can you get a motorist to pick us up?" (Very effective work, Sis.)
"And there are many hidden places in the mountains (where) they could move the people,"
A very nicely woven (pun intended) chapter. Again, the emotions of the characters shine through like he desert moonlight. It's so good Ayala has come on board and I can feel a love story coming on.
Great job.
Cheers Fez
Comment Written 29-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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Thanks for the six, Padna! Sorry, I meant to say thanks on the last one as well.
I'm glad this chapter moved well, and, come to think of it, I need to remember to add more of the interplay and literary stuff in the chapters now. I think I've been trying to hard to just move the story forward.
Again, much thanks!
Comment from Jim Lorson Sr
Rhonda, this a very good chapter with all the very good dialogue. What a shock for Ayala to find out that Koko is with child. Then Archie is digging a place for them to hide in while the girls gather the materials to make a camouflage cover. Very entertaining my friend.
Take care
Jim
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2017
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Rhonda, this a very good chapter with all the very good dialogue. What a shock for Ayala to find out that Koko is with child. Then Archie is digging a place for them to hide in while the girls gather the materials to make a camouflage cover. Very entertaining my friend.
Take care
Jim
Comment Written 15-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2017
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Thank you, Jim, and good to hear from you! Hope all is well!
Rhonda
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Very good image and a good chapter, Rhonda.
-We learn a bit more about our group, as they continue
their journey in the desert and have to work together.
-The main issue is Koko being pregnant, and Ayala not
being aware of it. It is of great importance to Koko
to be able to have her baby safely.
-There is still a bit of tension between Archie and Ayala.
-I like the ending with the discussion between Sani and Archie.
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2017
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-Very good image and a good chapter, Rhonda.
-We learn a bit more about our group, as they continue
their journey in the desert and have to work together.
-The main issue is Koko being pregnant, and Ayala not
being aware of it. It is of great importance to Koko
to be able to have her baby safely.
-There is still a bit of tension between Archie and Ayala.
-I like the ending with the discussion between Sani and Archie.
Comment Written 15-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2017
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Thank you for the wonderful six stars!
The group is starting to interact, and Ayala with them. It's a hard thing for her to work her way through, but in the end, Koko is her sister (or may be).
The tension between Ayala and Archie is two part. She didn't like him forcing her to go, and she's a bit jealous of his relationship with Koko.
Again, thank you for the stars and the eye!
Rhonda
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You are very welcome and deserving of the stars and review, Rhonda. Interesting about Koko and Ayala. Good chapter.
Comment from rspoet
Another excellent chapter with the big reveal for Ayala
Perhaps, realization is setting in
Much depends upon Sani, and his wily knowledge,
to lead this group of four across the desert safely;
Archie, with his youth, strength and potential for leadership;
Koko, with her scientific knowledge, and Ayala
who has a bit of everything in her.
I sure Junior and his cohorts will appear soon.
Excellent development of the story.
Well done once more!
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2017
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Another excellent chapter with the big reveal for Ayala
Perhaps, realization is setting in
Much depends upon Sani, and his wily knowledge,
to lead this group of four across the desert safely;
Archie, with his youth, strength and potential for leadership;
Koko, with her scientific knowledge, and Ayala
who has a bit of everything in her.
I sure Junior and his cohorts will appear soon.
Excellent development of the story.
Well done once more!
Comment Written 15-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2017
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Thank you for the brilliant rating, my friend!
I like the way you summarized the characters. You have great insight.
Too true on Junior, but there's about to be a quick plot twist first.
Take care, and thanks again,
Rhonda
Comment from kathleenspalding
Interesting chapter and premise. Easy to understand with your notes, even though I am coming in in the middle of the story. Kept my interest and moved along well. Don't know if you want to throw any more description in to add to emotional impact, or if it would slow down the pace...it's good as is. There's a stray period in the line after ...Ant Kin." That's it Great job!
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2017
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Interesting chapter and premise. Easy to understand with your notes, even though I am coming in in the middle of the story. Kept my interest and moved along well. Don't know if you want to throw any more description in to add to emotional impact, or if it would slow down the pace...it's good as is. There's a stray period in the line after ...Ant Kin." That's it Great job!
Comment Written 15-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2017
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Thank you so much for jumping on board. I can always use another set of eyes to help.
Description is my weakness. I need to work on it, and I'm glad you brought it up.
Rhonda
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You're welcome :-)
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Good chapter. Sani and Archie seem to have things under control, and now Ayala is convinced to work with them to escape for her sister's sake. Koko is excited about having a baby, despite the fact she's never seen one or has any idea what to do with it. Guess that shows mothering instincts are built in and not learned. :)
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2017
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Good chapter. Sani and Archie seem to have things under control, and now Ayala is convinced to work with them to escape for her sister's sake. Koko is excited about having a baby, despite the fact she's never seen one or has any idea what to do with it. Guess that shows mothering instincts are built in and not learned. :)
Comment Written 14-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2017
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Thank you, Phyllis. I appreciate the review and comments! Ayala is onboard, but hasn't quite forgiven everyone, especially Archie, haha.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from w.j.debi
Excellent descriptions and interesting characters. It is nice that Ayala is catching on to the reality of things, and accepting her sister's pregnancy. I still wonder whose side she will be on if the others catch up to them.
Lots going on in this chapter, although it seems like the calm before the coming storm. I bet there are plenty more trials before they get to safety.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2017
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Excellent descriptions and interesting characters. It is nice that Ayala is catching on to the reality of things, and accepting her sister's pregnancy. I still wonder whose side she will be on if the others catch up to them.
Lots going on in this chapter, although it seems like the calm before the coming storm. I bet there are plenty more trials before they get to safety.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2017
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You are definitely right about the calm before the storm, but it's also a time for learning new things and developing relationships.
I so appreciate the comments and review.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from emptypage
GREAT chapter!!!
I'm so happy at Ayala's epiphany. Even if it hurts, it's vital. I see more of your plot now. I'm excited.
I didn't see any grammatical issues. The story is strong. I can see this on a screen, too.
Keep on plugging.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2017
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GREAT chapter!!!
I'm so happy at Ayala's epiphany. Even if it hurts, it's vital. I see more of your plot now. I'm excited.
I didn't see any grammatical issues. The story is strong. I can see this on a screen, too.
Keep on plugging.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2017
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Thank you so very much, my friend. I'm honored you feel it could be made into a movie. How sweet!!
Have a great week,
Rhonda
Comment from TheWriteTeach
Rhonda, this is a great chapter. I enjoyed reading it. It held my interest from start to finish. Your characters are stable - they keep their own mannerisms, way of speech, etc. When multiple characters are involved, sometimes an author can get characteristics mixed up, or even washed out. However, that is not the case with your crew. Each has their own personality and it sticks with them. Nice job with that.
Didn't pick up on any spags. But, I do have a question about one thing.
Archie, your parents are scientists. (I thought Archie's father was a governor, then president, no?)
Looking forward to the next chapter.
Suzanne
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2017
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Rhonda, this is a great chapter. I enjoyed reading it. It held my interest from start to finish. Your characters are stable - they keep their own mannerisms, way of speech, etc. When multiple characters are involved, sometimes an author can get characteristics mixed up, or even washed out. However, that is not the case with your crew. Each has their own personality and it sticks with them. Nice job with that.
Didn't pick up on any spags. But, I do have a question about one thing.
Archie, your parents are scientists. (I thought Archie's father was a governor, then president, no?)
Looking forward to the next chapter.
Suzanne
Comment Written 13-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2017
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Thank you, first, for the wonderful six star rating. That is so encouraging!
Archie's parents were scientists before they got into politics, which I brought out in one of the earlier chapters, though I don't remember which one. Archie is a descendant of Benjamin Franklin, and have a sort of unbroken like of scientists. They gave it up for public service. I'll go back and clarify that. Thanks.
Thank you for the comments on characters, because I am really trying not to do the wash out thing, which is a problem I have with the Daredevil Girls. There are just too many of them to get distinct personalities. Please let me know if you see that happening!
Take care, my friend, and thanks again!!
Rhonda
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Do teenage girls have distinct personalities? LOL They all want to look, talk, dress, and act EXACTLY alike. Being yourself is lost on teenage girls. In their world, there is no such thing as being different! Their hair has to be the same bottle color, the same length, and the same style. They all wear the exact same color makeup, too. I swear, you cannot tell one from the other. So, maybe don't worry too much about the Daredevil Girls! LOL
Comment from Lu Saluna
I really like this chapter. I am enjoying how Sani relates to the earth and gives to it so it will give back. Archie is only beginning to realize he is more than he appears to be. Ayala is getting quite the eye opener as well.
This is a very well written chapter. Great story.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2017
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I really like this chapter. I am enjoying how Sani relates to the earth and gives to it so it will give back. Archie is only beginning to realize he is more than he appears to be. Ayala is getting quite the eye opener as well.
This is a very well written chapter. Great story.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2017
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Wow, you are so perceptive, Lu! I appreciate the review and deeply thought out comments.
The characters are definitely finding out more about themselves.
Take care, my friend,
Rhonda