Echoes of Artistry
Viewing comments for Chapter 27 "Unsettled"NaPoWriMo 2017
18 total reviews
Comment from Rlegel99
Poem about worry caused by a scary incident. The artwork works well with this piece. This poem has nice flow. Thanks for sharing this piece of poetry on a subject that will resonate with many.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2017
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Poem about worry caused by a scary incident. The artwork works well with this piece. This poem has nice flow. Thanks for sharing this piece of poetry on a subject that will resonate with many.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2017
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Hi Rlegel:
Thanks for taking the time to read and review. I appreciate the fine comments.
Kim
Comment from honeytree
Great art work in everyway
for these words written
What a frightening position
to be in how horrible
in everyway for those
caught in the fire.
Honeytree
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2017
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Great art work in everyway
for these words written
What a frightening position
to be in how horrible
in everyway for those
caught in the fire.
Honeytree
Comment Written 30-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2017
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Hi Annie,
Thank you for the exceptional rating and thoughtful comments. I appreciate your review.
Kim
Comment from alf collier
Ah, I do love a good trijan refrain!! That was my second form of writing after ballads, LOL and this was such a good read!!! Bravo!!
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2017
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Ah, I do love a good trijan refrain!! That was my second form of writing after ballads, LOL and this was such a good read!!! Bravo!!
Comment Written 29-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2017
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Hi alf,
I had never even seen a Trijan Refrain before this week lol Thank you for the enthusiastic comments. It took me all week to wrap my head around this form lol I appreciate your comments.
Kim
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Kim,
You captured the intensity & horror for this event well with your amazing poem in a new complex style [at least for me]. From the beginning upon seeing the image to the very last word, readers can feel the emotional tug of this devastating fire.
This style, although difficult, proved to be perfect for your well-chosen words. Great job.
The repeated lines fit in perfectly. They sound like something one would say/feel with the fire raging. The italicized words are great, too, to show allow readers to empathize with the writer.
I hope your neighbor & you can move on after this tragedy.
Excellent. Jan
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2017
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Kim,
You captured the intensity & horror for this event well with your amazing poem in a new complex style [at least for me]. From the beginning upon seeing the image to the very last word, readers can feel the emotional tug of this devastating fire.
This style, although difficult, proved to be perfect for your well-chosen words. Great job.
The repeated lines fit in perfectly. They sound like something one would say/feel with the fire raging. The italicized words are great, too, to show allow readers to empathize with the writer.
I hope your neighbor & you can move on after this tragedy.
Excellent. Jan
Comment Written 28-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2017
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Hi Jan,
It took me all week to wrap my head around this style. I think it sounds more complicated explained than if you just start writing. I wasn't clear on the refrain lines until I read a few examples. Thank you for the exceptional rating and comments. I am grateful for your friendship.
Kim
Comment from frogbook
A superbly powerful tale of the nightmare you must be living. Good that you can put your feelings in words. An apropos picture to accompany this strong and well written piece. I felt the horror.
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2017
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A superbly powerful tale of the nightmare you must be living. Good that you can put your feelings in words. An apropos picture to accompany this strong and well written piece. I felt the horror.
Comment Written 28-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2017
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Hi frogbook,
Thank you for this truly exceptional rating and review. I appreciate the thoughtful comments.
Kim
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Hi frogbook,
Thank you for this truly exceptional rating and review. I appreciate the thoughtful comments.
Kim
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Hi frogbook,
Thank you for this truly exceptional rating and review. I appreciate the thoughtful comments.
Kim
Comment from Pantygynt
This must have been a terryifying ordeal and worrying too that sparks might ignite your own property. Well done to have captured the spirit of the thing in this somewhat complex form.
I wonder why, when vthe form is named Trijan Refrain is one allowed one line of the surely essential three line refrain (tri meaning three) to be voluntary. i guess I shall be trying one of these tomorrow night when the topic for the week is released. One point that caught my eye is that those four repeated syllables that form the refrain should form a new rhyming pair dd in the scheme. In your poem this happens in the first and third stanzas but in the second, because of your internal rhyme in the relevant line we actually end up with the last five lines rhyming ccccc.
While this is a technical infringement of the given rhyme scheme, I think it kind of echoes the repetitive wail of the fire appliances sirens that must have become imprinted on your mind.
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2017
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This must have been a terryifying ordeal and worrying too that sparks might ignite your own property. Well done to have captured the spirit of the thing in this somewhat complex form.
I wonder why, when vthe form is named Trijan Refrain is one allowed one line of the surely essential three line refrain (tri meaning three) to be voluntary. i guess I shall be trying one of these tomorrow night when the topic for the week is released. One point that caught my eye is that those four repeated syllables that form the refrain should form a new rhyming pair dd in the scheme. In your poem this happens in the first and third stanzas but in the second, because of your internal rhyme in the relevant line we actually end up with the last five lines rhyming ccccc.
While this is a technical infringement of the given rhyme scheme, I think it kind of echoes the repetitive wail of the fire appliances sirens that must have become imprinted on your mind.
Comment Written 28-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2017
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Hi Pantygynt:
It took me all week to wrap my head around this style. You are right about the internal rhyme. In future I'd probably not do that, but it just seemed appropriate here. (That's why we practice, right?) The words were just flowing and I stayed with it. I appreciate your astute comments. I can't wait to read yours. Once I've finished my final NaPo poems I'll do a final prose piece on the fire and hope that puts it to rest, too.
Kim
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Hi Pantygynt:
It took me all week to wrap my head around this style. You are right about the internal rhyme. In future I'd probably not do that, but it just seemed appropriate here. (That's why we practice, right?) The words were just flowing and I stayed with it. I appreciate your astute comments. I can't wait to read yours. Once I've finished my final NaPo poems I'll do a final prose piece on the fire and hope that puts it to rest, too.
Kim
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Hi Pantygynt:
It took me all week to wrap my head around this style. You are right about the internal rhyme. In future I'd probably not do that, but it just seemed appropriate here. (That's why we practice, right?) The words were just flowing and I stayed with it. I appreciate your astute comments. I can't wait to read yours. Once I've finished my final NaPo poems I'll do a final prose piece on the fire and hope that puts it to rest, too.
Kim
Comment from lyenochka
Well described, Kim! I'm sure it's still devastating for your neighbors and yourself as you were so close to the fire. Great choice of words for the repetition for the full dramatic effect.
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2017
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Well described, Kim! I'm sure it's still devastating for your neighbors and yourself as you were so close to the fire. Great choice of words for the repetition for the full dramatic effect.
Comment Written 28-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2017
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Hi lyenchka,
Thank you for your continued thoughtful comments. I'm glad I was able to convey the feelings in this piece. I appreciate your response.
Kim
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Hi lyenchka,
Thank you for your continued thoughtful comments. I'm glad I was able to convey the feelings in this piece. I appreciate your response.
Kim
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Hi lyenchka,
Thank you for your continued thoughtful comments. I'm glad I was able to convey the feelings in this piece. I appreciate your response.
Kim
Comment from BeasPeas
I think a traumatic experience such as your neighbor's house burning down (and so close to yours) surely does make us frightened. Like any trauma, it will take some time to dissipate. I am so sorry for the neighbor and your family, too. Your poem is well written in this interesting form. I can see in your wording the strong emotion you feel. Marilyn
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2017
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I think a traumatic experience such as your neighbor's house burning down (and so close to yours) surely does make us frightened. Like any trauma, it will take some time to dissipate. I am so sorry for the neighbor and your family, too. Your poem is well written in this interesting form. I can see in your wording the strong emotion you feel. Marilyn
Comment Written 27-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2017
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Hi Marilyn:
I am working it out of my system the only way I can. I had a good talk on the phone with Carla today. Their spirits are up through this whole ordeal and they truly are resilient and amazing. Tragedy and miracles sometimes go hand in hand. There is some prose coming. I may finish my NaPo commitment first though. Thank you for the thoughtful comments.
Kim
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When I lived in the mountains of California, we were always in danger of forest fire. In 2012, the entire town had to evacuate off the mountain for a week. I had 3 doggies and 4 kitties. The motels took us in since all residents were fleeing the fire. Luckily most homes were okay, however, some people lost their homes and some their lives. I admire the firemen so much for the job they do. I have written about these things in my portfolio. Hugs, Marilyn
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I will touch on our forest fire dangers in the prose piece I write.
Comment from Sasha
As I have told you far too many times, I get dizzy reading the rules to so many poetic forms. Well, after reading this one, I had to put my head between my legs and breath through a paper bag. I love the poem but I would fail the quiz miserly if tested. I enjoyed this poem and do hope your neighbor was able to save some of his belongings. I Had a house fire 35 years ago and I still haven't gotten over it. Great work with this one and a marvelous addition to your book.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2017
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As I have told you far too many times, I get dizzy reading the rules to so many poetic forms. Well, after reading this one, I had to put my head between my legs and breath through a paper bag. I love the poem but I would fail the quiz miserly if tested. I enjoyed this poem and do hope your neighbor was able to save some of his belongings. I Had a house fire 35 years ago and I still haven't gotten over it. Great work with this one and a marvelous addition to your book.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2017
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Hi Valerie,
Thank you for the chuckle. I was mind boggled by those dizzying rules, too. I've been looking at them since Tuesday (when Randy knocked on the door about the fire.) I couldn't wrap my head around them then. They finally clicked for me early this morning. We were able to save next to nothing for them, and they had been in that house for 38 years, raised their kids there, you get the idea. Randy is also a painter and all of his paintings were in there, with the exception of a few that his kids and a few friends own. Their attitude is amazing though. A stroke of good fortune is that close friends of their just moved to a new place in town (we are 20 miles out.) So Randy and Carla will be staying at their former house, about a mile from here, and have been told that it is theirs as long as they need (to get rebuilt, etc.) That is a miracle. Thank you for the fantastic comments.
Kim
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That is good news. Hopefully they can get it rebuilt in a reasonable amount a time.
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
This is very well done, my friend. I have not been as involved with Napowrimo as I had planned. There have been some other things going on in life. I hope to have the 30 poems but feel bad about not reviewing all the others. Anyway, thanks for coordinating this again~DEbbie
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2017
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This is very well done, my friend. I have not been as involved with Napowrimo as I had planned. There have been some other things going on in life. I hope to have the 30 poems but feel bad about not reviewing all the others. Anyway, thanks for coordinating this again~DEbbie
Comment Written 27-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2017
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Hi Debbie,
This group is a little different than last year. I think you are ok on the reviewing. Just try to get all 30 poems in, you are so close :) Trust me, life keeps throwing curves here, too. I am finally back on my laptop after it being in the shop for a week and a half. We started with telling me all would be ok and they needed to fix the registry (and no data would be lost) to me getting a new hard drive and now tonight I'm reloading everything. I just got word processing on here, so I'm good to go. The only good thing to come out of this is I finally loaded word processing on hubby's desktop. lol (just so I could keep up on NaPo.) But, I was in Windows 8 before and now they've put Windows 10 on here... I have to learn it all again. (Did I mention I hate that? LOL) Plus I lost all my files :( Add the fire and it really has been a hell of a week or so. Thanks for the kind words.
Kim