Jason Lamar Kane's Private Orbit
Never Underestimate a Daddy's Love40 total reviews
Comment from nomi338
I would actually pay money to see this one act play acted out either live or on screen. As a father, I am in total agreement with the father in this gripping drama. Man talk about revenge. This qualifies as revenge porn.
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2023
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I would actually pay money to see this one act play acted out either live or on screen. As a father, I am in total agreement with the father in this gripping drama. Man talk about revenge. This qualifies as revenge porn.
Comment Written 22-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2023
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Haha! Thank you, Nolan. I've yielded to the temptation and it's on the slate to be converted into a one-act play. Thank you for your high praise!
Comment from Jasmine Girl
You are a good writer. I enjoy reading this old piece of writing of yours. I did have to go back to understand who is who in the beginning. This is a very sad piece. I don't understand why his daughter Catherine killed herself, abortion? But the emotion is very well conveyed.
Excellent.
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2023
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You are a good writer. I enjoy reading this old piece of writing of yours. I did have to go back to understand who is who in the beginning. This is a very sad piece. I don't understand why his daughter Catherine killed herself, abortion? But the emotion is very well conveyed.
Excellent.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2023
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Thank you, Lisa. I realize the beginning can be confusing without narrative setting the scene. Glad you hung in there.
Jay
Comment from Frank Malley
This dialogue establishes a clever plan for revenge. It thrives in its continually piquing and progressing sense of who's who and why what's happening is happening. There is no indulgence of unnecessary description, but needed descriptions are in place and allow the inferences necessary to move the plot forward and create a brief sociology for each of the two characters and the daughter who exists only in reference.
This short play stimulates the consideration of many things, and it is well-paced and uses surprise to jolt the reader into continued attention.
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2023
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This dialogue establishes a clever plan for revenge. It thrives in its continually piquing and progressing sense of who's who and why what's happening is happening. There is no indulgence of unnecessary description, but needed descriptions are in place and allow the inferences necessary to move the plot forward and create a brief sociology for each of the two characters and the daughter who exists only in reference.
This short play stimulates the consideration of many things, and it is well-paced and uses surprise to jolt the reader into continued attention.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2023
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I thank you for your thoughtful and insightful review, Frank. I was rather pleased the way it turned out since there were three characters to deal with (four, if you include the daughter's tape)--sans narrative. I'm glad it still resonates with readers here.
Jay
Comment from Father Flaps
Wow! You never disappoint, Jay. I look at this as a play, curtain and all. And only 3 characters, too... Karl the waiter, Lawrence Harris the English professor, and Jason Lamar Kane the actor.
The opening was a bit confusing. It took me a few tries to enter the drama, but acted on a stage would have been quite transparent.
Kane was full of himself, wasn't he? Imagine him dining alone, at a center table, with an orbit of empty tables around him, like he was something fabulous, legendary. What a surprise that he would be so taken with Mr. Harris, a complete stranger, to invite him into his very private "solar system", where he was the Sun! The connection must have been that Lawrence taught advanced modern playwriting. Kane could deal with that.
But then we suddenly learn that Professor Harris is an assassin, there to kill Jason. Lamar. Kane. I can picture the pistol under the napkin, finger on the trigger, and pointed at JLK's crotch!
The story comes out, and I grasp every clue. Kane preyed on the professor's daughter, Catherine. Just 17 years old, and falling for this much older actor. He was having sex with her night after night of "performances". The play he acted in was "Mountains of Manhattan". But his best performance was entertaining young Catherine backstage. And she ended up pregnant. She also committed suicide. Now her father, Professor Harris, was out to seek revenge. And revenge was sweet. He wasn't going to pull the trigger, just scare Kane out of his wits. And he did such a great job of it, Kane crapped in his pants!
"What is that stench? You smell it don't you? We must bring it to Karl's attention. It's like a sewer opened up below the restaurant, and it's seeping up through the floor."
Catharine had written one plea to her father,
"And now, there is one promise I must ask you to keep, Daddy. You must do nothing to Jason Lamar Kane. If you ever loved me, and if you want me to love you beyond the grave, you will allow nothing to happen to Jason. You promise me that, Daddy. Promise?"
I think she knew that her father would kill this renowned actor. This is the only reason that the professor let Kane live. But he had the satisfaction of watching Kane walk out of that restaurant with a huge stain on the seat of his pants (not to mention the dining chair). Satisfaction was the revenge. We can only hope that other diners and waiters also witnessed the debacle.
This would be a marvelous play, Jay. And the beauty of the story was that Professor Harris wouldn't be guilty of any crime. He exacted his revenge, humiliating this refined actor to the core.
I hope you published this as a play. If not, you really should. I've been at plays in Saint John's Imperial Theater, and "Jason Lamar Kane's Private Orbit" would be a huge hit! Bloody excellent!
Thanks for sharing it again, Jay. It's got Alfred Hitchcock written all over it.
Cheers,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2023
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Wow! You never disappoint, Jay. I look at this as a play, curtain and all. And only 3 characters, too... Karl the waiter, Lawrence Harris the English professor, and Jason Lamar Kane the actor.
The opening was a bit confusing. It took me a few tries to enter the drama, but acted on a stage would have been quite transparent.
Kane was full of himself, wasn't he? Imagine him dining alone, at a center table, with an orbit of empty tables around him, like he was something fabulous, legendary. What a surprise that he would be so taken with Mr. Harris, a complete stranger, to invite him into his very private "solar system", where he was the Sun! The connection must have been that Lawrence taught advanced modern playwriting. Kane could deal with that.
But then we suddenly learn that Professor Harris is an assassin, there to kill Jason. Lamar. Kane. I can picture the pistol under the napkin, finger on the trigger, and pointed at JLK's crotch!
The story comes out, and I grasp every clue. Kane preyed on the professor's daughter, Catherine. Just 17 years old, and falling for this much older actor. He was having sex with her night after night of "performances". The play he acted in was "Mountains of Manhattan". But his best performance was entertaining young Catherine backstage. And she ended up pregnant. She also committed suicide. Now her father, Professor Harris, was out to seek revenge. And revenge was sweet. He wasn't going to pull the trigger, just scare Kane out of his wits. And he did such a great job of it, Kane crapped in his pants!
"What is that stench? You smell it don't you? We must bring it to Karl's attention. It's like a sewer opened up below the restaurant, and it's seeping up through the floor."
Catharine had written one plea to her father,
"And now, there is one promise I must ask you to keep, Daddy. You must do nothing to Jason Lamar Kane. If you ever loved me, and if you want me to love you beyond the grave, you will allow nothing to happen to Jason. You promise me that, Daddy. Promise?"
I think she knew that her father would kill this renowned actor. This is the only reason that the professor let Kane live. But he had the satisfaction of watching Kane walk out of that restaurant with a huge stain on the seat of his pants (not to mention the dining chair). Satisfaction was the revenge. We can only hope that other diners and waiters also witnessed the debacle.
This would be a marvelous play, Jay. And the beauty of the story was that Professor Harris wouldn't be guilty of any crime. He exacted his revenge, humiliating this refined actor to the core.
I hope you published this as a play. If not, you really should. I've been at plays in Saint John's Imperial Theater, and "Jason Lamar Kane's Private Orbit" would be a huge hit! Bloody excellent!
Thanks for sharing it again, Jay. It's got Alfred Hitchcock written all over it.
Cheers,
Kimbob
Comment Written 20-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2023
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You have no idea how important your exegesis of my dialogue-only challenge is to my waning self-confidence right now. Amazon Publishing should check IDs at the door and not let anyone with a scintilla of creative self-respect pass through that door if he's past his 60s. I mean it! But then along comes your high-octane review and I'm gassed up again and thinking about following your suggestion. Yes, that might be just what I need.
Thank you, Brother!
Jay
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Go for it, Jay! There's nothing "waning" about your talent. Re-write this "dialogue only" as a script and send it to a publisher!
Kimbob
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It's the second thing on my agenda with the Amazon thing behind me.
Comment from John Ciarmello
Hello, Jay!
You always revive the best pieces of your work. This was sensational and was yarned quite well to hide the underlying intentions of Lawrence.
Jason's life was saved from the grave of a Seventeen-year-old child he had used. His lust confused her into believing his love for her.
There are so many beautiful layers to this story, Jay. You're still my writing hero!!
Best, JohnC
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2023
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Hello, Jay!
You always revive the best pieces of your work. This was sensational and was yarned quite well to hide the underlying intentions of Lawrence.
Jason's life was saved from the grave of a Seventeen-year-old child he had used. His lust confused her into believing his love for her.
There are so many beautiful layers to this story, Jay. You're still my writing hero!!
Best, JohnC
Comment Written 19-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2023
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Thank you, John. For everything. I'm resorting to reposting just to keep my name out there while I'm butting heads with Amazon Publishing.
Jay
Comment from Loretta Bigg
That was really good! The story is interesting and we are happy Mr. Kane isn't shot in the end. I admit to a little confusion at the beginning of who was talking, but I'd expected only two people. But soon enough it cleared up. And I was very happy with it.
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2023
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That was really good! The story is interesting and we are happy Mr. Kane isn't shot in the end. I admit to a little confusion at the beginning of who was talking, but I'd expected only two people. But soon enough it cleared up. And I was very happy with it.
Comment Written 18-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2023
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Yes, it's always a bit awkward until the setting gets established through the dialogue. I'm glad you waded through it, though, Loretta, and seem to have been entertained by it.
Jay
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Wow, this was a very intense dialogue with a little bit of flattery and lots of tragedy. But the show must go on. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest and your writings.
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2023
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Wow, this was a very intense dialogue with a little bit of flattery and lots of tragedy. But the show must go on. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest and your writings.
Comment Written 18-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2023
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No luck needed on the contest. This was a re-post from 2018, but thanks for your enthusiasm, Iza.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Oh wow! I can almost smell the sewer and the fear! What an amazing write with such tension building all the way through. The dialogue is of course excellently done to convey the story - not an easy feat. Thank you, Jay, for this exceptional entry - and I'm so sorry I can't reward it appropriately. Good luck! Debbie
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2023
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Oh wow! I can almost smell the sewer and the fear! What an amazing write with such tension building all the way through. The dialogue is of course excellently done to convey the story - not an easy feat. Thank you, Jay, for this exceptional entry - and I'm so sorry I can't reward it appropriately. Good luck! Debbie
Comment Written 18-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2023
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No luck needed, since this was a re-post from a previous contest in which I didn't even place. LOL, thanks, though, Debbie!
Jay
Comment from Paul Manton
Jay, that has to be the most vicious and best-written revenge story I've read on this site.
The slow scream of the first reveal was so well managed - the series of false starts and double takes cleverly ambivalent throughout - left us in suspense and contrived confusion about exactly who the professor was.
Characterization well drawn - and obviously 'Kane' takes us immediately to Orson Wells and his Rosebud alter ego, his status pointed up by Karl.
Where this story gains is that the dialogue is not between two, but three people - either by recounting or, very cleverly, listening to her recordings, Catherine completes the triangle of forces in this drama.
But this also a morality tale - worthy of a Shakespearian tragedy: Catherine never stops loving Kane - and it is by no means certain that he does not love her - she never doubts him. They are in many ways 'star crossed' (albeit incongruous) lovers.
Neither is Lawrence the dead cold vengeful assassin - but he will inflict the greatest possible suffering on Kane - and for the longest amount of time.
Accomplished extrusion of the tension we are to endure before (presumably) Kane gets what he deserves - but would a professor use a Glock in such a way? The options are legion. We really don't know if it will happen - and as the story unfolds, the probability of revenge rocks back and forth, culminating in Catherine's final behest not to kill.
The denouement seems fitting: scared out of his bowels, the guilty man walks the walk of shame, humiliated beyond redemption.
Satisfaction? No. Nobody wins - it's Lose - Lose - Lose.
But the reader has gained an exceptionally well told story.
Thank you, Jay. This is the first time I reviewed you. I hope it will not be the last.
Paul
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2023
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Jay, that has to be the most vicious and best-written revenge story I've read on this site.
The slow scream of the first reveal was so well managed - the series of false starts and double takes cleverly ambivalent throughout - left us in suspense and contrived confusion about exactly who the professor was.
Characterization well drawn - and obviously 'Kane' takes us immediately to Orson Wells and his Rosebud alter ego, his status pointed up by Karl.
Where this story gains is that the dialogue is not between two, but three people - either by recounting or, very cleverly, listening to her recordings, Catherine completes the triangle of forces in this drama.
But this also a morality tale - worthy of a Shakespearian tragedy: Catherine never stops loving Kane - and it is by no means certain that he does not love her - she never doubts him. They are in many ways 'star crossed' (albeit incongruous) lovers.
Neither is Lawrence the dead cold vengeful assassin - but he will inflict the greatest possible suffering on Kane - and for the longest amount of time.
Accomplished extrusion of the tension we are to endure before (presumably) Kane gets what he deserves - but would a professor use a Glock in such a way? The options are legion. We really don't know if it will happen - and as the story unfolds, the probability of revenge rocks back and forth, culminating in Catherine's final behest not to kill.
The denouement seems fitting: scared out of his bowels, the guilty man walks the walk of shame, humiliated beyond redemption.
Satisfaction? No. Nobody wins - it's Lose - Lose - Lose.
But the reader has gained an exceptionally well told story.
Thank you, Jay. This is the first time I reviewed you. I hope it will not be the last.
Paul
Comment Written 18-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2023
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Paul, I commend you for your excellent review, touching on all the important aspects of this story. I have not received so thorough a review on any of my writing, so indeed I hope it won't be your last review.
Jay
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Thanks Jay. Lucky to win the review vote last month, but still trying to improve. Yours is the longest piece I ever reviewed, but certainly worth it.
Paul
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Congratulations on your reviewing success ... though I can certainly understand it!
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Thanks, Jay. Apologies for blowing my own trumpet. Not cool!
Looking forward to seeing more of your stuff. I've only been here a short time, and mostly post poetry, but just getting into prose work.
Good luck in all your competitions.
Paul
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I didn't interpret anything as hornblowing, my friend. Judging from your reviews you are an excellent writer. While I rarely review poetry, I am going to follow you for the occasional bit of prose-gold you drop in our laps.
Jay
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'Passover' should bring a smile, Jay.
Best, Paul
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Very powerful writing with very different characters. It is so sad that a young girl's fantasy could have destroyed her life. I understand the father's anger, but he can't allow Jason Lamar Kane to destroy his life also.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
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Very powerful writing with very different characters. It is so sad that a young girl's fantasy could have destroyed her life. I understand the father's anger, but he can't allow Jason Lamar Kane to destroy his life also.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
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Thank you, Carol. I'm glad the story struck a chord with you!
Jay