King Sawyer
a story poem in rhyming couplets115 total reviews
Comment from Dean Kuch
Oh boy, here we go. There goes my story poem entry right out the proverbial window. See it, Brooke, just out there, fluttering away in the distance? LOL...
King Sawyer, Monarch of a kingdom down by the sea. Cris Farley had a van down by the river, but we're talkin' two completely different things here.
Ruler of all one million of his minions, and what does he do? He goes and makes more headaches for himself by acquiring more. No, I'm not foolin', it says so right here! He added three more minions, can you believe that?
The little dude even had a velvet cloak and shoes to match. But when you're the Monarch of a Kingdom down by the sea, (not a van down by the river...that's not good!) well, you can afford the finer things in life. Besides, I hear he's got himself a doting grandmother too, one that gets him all kinds of cool stuff. And he don't even have to ask for it, either! Can you imagine? Slick cat, that Sawyer!
They all knew their duties well too, these minions. Fortifying walls, working their fingers to the bone, day and night. Hey, it's no easy job being a minion. Just ask one, they'll tell you!
Those old minions save the entire neighborhood by fortifying those walls against the raging storm. Yep, they saved the day! But all Sawyer did was snooze, and that doesn't seem like the Sawyer we've all come to know and love at all!
I hope you realized this was all done tongue-in-cheek, Brooke, and that I really liked and enjoyed it. It always seems a bit demeaning for me to try and sit here and tell you -- one who teaches this stuff and the top ranked poet on this website -- (and who knows how many others), how well your rhyming, timing , meter, cadence and composition was. I think all of the aforementioned things I've stated pretty much speak for themselves.
Why do you have to write poetry so darn well!? I was already counting my funny money and everything, LOL...
Well done, Brooke.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2014
  |
Oh boy, here we go. There goes my story poem entry right out the proverbial window. See it, Brooke, just out there, fluttering away in the distance? LOL...
King Sawyer, Monarch of a kingdom down by the sea. Cris Farley had a van down by the river, but we're talkin' two completely different things here.
Ruler of all one million of his minions, and what does he do? He goes and makes more headaches for himself by acquiring more. No, I'm not foolin', it says so right here! He added three more minions, can you believe that?
The little dude even had a velvet cloak and shoes to match. But when you're the Monarch of a Kingdom down by the sea, (not a van down by the river...that's not good!) well, you can afford the finer things in life. Besides, I hear he's got himself a doting grandmother too, one that gets him all kinds of cool stuff. And he don't even have to ask for it, either! Can you imagine? Slick cat, that Sawyer!
They all knew their duties well too, these minions. Fortifying walls, working their fingers to the bone, day and night. Hey, it's no easy job being a minion. Just ask one, they'll tell you!
Those old minions save the entire neighborhood by fortifying those walls against the raging storm. Yep, they saved the day! But all Sawyer did was snooze, and that doesn't seem like the Sawyer we've all come to know and love at all!
I hope you realized this was all done tongue-in-cheek, Brooke, and that I really liked and enjoyed it. It always seems a bit demeaning for me to try and sit here and tell you -- one who teaches this stuff and the top ranked poet on this website -- (and who knows how many others), how well your rhyming, timing , meter, cadence and composition was. I think all of the aforementioned things I've stated pretty much speak for themselves.
Why do you have to write poetry so darn well!? I was already counting my funny money and everything, LOL...
Well done, Brooke.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2014
-
Dean, thank you so much for the dozen laughs and great, encouraging review :-) You're a funny guy for a horror writer. LOL :-) Brooke
Comment from lancellot
Funny, yes I guess at the end it's the guy in charge who can if he chooses take all the credit. Very nice, I like the use of little minions to do the work. Well done.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2014
|
Funny, yes I guess at the end it's the guy in charge who can if he chooses take all the credit. Very nice, I like the use of little minions to do the work. Well done.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2014
-
lancellot, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I enjoyed reading your poem/story contest entry. As I read, I wondered how on Earth do you continually come up with such interesting and everyday things for poems. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2014
 |
I enjoyed reading your poem/story contest entry. As I read, I wondered how on Earth do you continually come up with such interesting and everyday things for poems. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2014
-
Thank you, Barbara, for your kind contest wishes and generous sixth star - I owe it all to Sawyer's escapades and his mommy's fantastic photographic record of his life :-) Brooke
Comment from Tegan1311
This is a very well done poem. Your words flow well and the message is clear and light-hearted. It must be nice to have such a good muse :) Really well done.
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
|
This is a very well done poem. Your words flow well and the message is clear and light-hearted. It must be nice to have such a good muse :) Really well done.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
-
Tegan, thank you so very much :-) Brooke
Comment from Eric1
This is a fantastic story for this contest Brooke, it has good rhyme and rhythm, I must admit that the flow is brilliant, except for the line ' While Saywer searched for socks, to keep his royal tootsies warm' May I politely suggest that you take out the word 'royal' or 'his' I feel that it will improve the flow of your brilliant poem.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2014
|
This is a fantastic story for this contest Brooke, it has good rhyme and rhythm, I must admit that the flow is brilliant, except for the line ' While Saywer searched for socks, to keep his royal tootsies warm' May I politely suggest that you take out the word 'royal' or 'his' I feel that it will improve the flow of your brilliant poem.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2014
-
Eric, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from c_lucas
I see King Sawyer has not taken the time to get his Queen "Chloe." This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, Making for a very good read.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2014
|
I see King Sawyer has not taken the time to get his Queen "Chloe." This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, Making for a very good read.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2014
-
Charlie, this kingly version of Sawyer is far too self centered to love a queen. LOL Thank goodness it is all fiction :-) Brooke
-
I take it Sawyer has no experience in "A woman scorn?" (LOL)
-
nope - he has scorned no women yet to learn about it LOL
-
Some of Life's Lessons can be so cruel.
Comment from JudyS
Brooke, Another run read. Love the moral. I have to wonder why I usually end up being one of the million. Neat picture too. I lived in Manhattan Beach for years. I miss the ocean sometimes and the sand between my toes. Super job on this one, good read. Judy
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2014
|
Brooke, Another run read. Love the moral. I have to wonder why I usually end up being one of the million. Neat picture too. I lived in Manhattan Beach for years. I miss the ocean sometimes and the sand between my toes. Super job on this one, good read. Judy
Comment Written 06-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2014
-
Thanks so much, Judy - my daughter loves Manhattan Beach :-) Brooke
Comment from GWHARGIS
What a hilarious tale. I loved the line about the royal tootsies. I like the rhythm and the length was something I am not accustomed to with your work. I knew you were a very a talented poet, now you can add varied to your title
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2014
|
What a hilarious tale. I loved the line about the royal tootsies. I like the rhythm and the length was something I am not accustomed to with your work. I knew you were a very a talented poet, now you can add varied to your title
Comment Written 06-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2014
-
Gretchen, thanks so much :-) I enjoyed thinking up the royal tootsies line :-) Brooke
Comment from poetbear
His majesty looks happy at the beach.
I have visited California several times and know he is at home.
Your words parallel that viusla so well.
I do hope you will make a book for him of these beautiful pieces so he can enjoy them when he older.
Well done!
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2014
|
His majesty looks happy at the beach.
I have visited California several times and know he is at home.
Your words parallel that viusla so well.
I do hope you will make a book for him of these beautiful pieces so he can enjoy them when he older.
Well done!
Comment Written 06-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2014
-
Maddy, thanks so much - he loves the beach, as do his parents. They are living the life. LOL Brooke :-)
-
Good for them!
Comment from RodG
Another delightful tale to charm young readers with.
Excellent characterization of King Sawyer as vain, selfish, and sluggish.
Good narration of how the "minions" worked to protect the "neighborhood."
I am very impressed with how you handled this lengthy meter flawlessly.
A well-told story, Brooke, I really enjoyed.
Rod
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2014
|
Another delightful tale to charm young readers with.
Excellent characterization of King Sawyer as vain, selfish, and sluggish.
Good narration of how the "minions" worked to protect the "neighborhood."
I am very impressed with how you handled this lengthy meter flawlessly.
A well-told story, Brooke, I really enjoyed.
Rod
Comment Written 06-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2014
-
Rod, thank you :-) I am glad you enjoyed the story :-) Brooke