Writings From the Heart
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Winds of Change"A book of Poetry & Writing
251 total reviews
Comment from KYPollard/El Gato
Your poem is beautiful, my friend. And the picture enhances the mood and message of this poem nicely. It is a nice smooth read from well chosen and placed words. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2010
  |
Your poem is beautiful, my friend. And the picture enhances the mood and message of this poem nicely. It is a nice smooth read from well chosen and placed words. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2010
-
thanks for reading El
Comment from fairy77
Like how you made that poem a huge metaphor the water and someone your searching for.very moving.Jersey looks like a beautiful place.I liked the rhythm to the poem it was relaxing and flowed nicely.Good descriptive words and story of a relationship and its hopes.Well done.
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2010
|
Like how you made that poem a huge metaphor the water and someone your searching for.very moving.Jersey looks like a beautiful place.I liked the rhythm to the poem it was relaxing and flowed nicely.Good descriptive words and story of a relationship and its hopes.Well done.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2010
-
thank you Keats for the review
Comment from Tooyoo
PROS: Don't be sorry about your spelling and grammar, poetry is the music of the heart. This is so sensitive that when I read it I assumed it was from the hand of a poetess, not a horny old cowpoke. Clever you. You are obviously meant to be a successful poet.
CONS: Be a critic of your work as well as a poet. If you leave the poem for a week (disengage with it) then reread it as if for the first time, individual words will jar with you. You'll know they're good but not quite right. Put square brackets round them or colour them and consult the thesaurus widget on your computer, its instant feedback helps you crystalise and extend your thoughts while you're hot. Look out for tired old cliches and anything that smacks of greetings card rhymes.
EXAMPLE 1: your first line is a good scene setter until we get to "waters so still and tranquil". The word that jars is 'still', it means the same as tranquil and doesn't add an extra dimension to it. Try something like "waters silver-soft and tranquil". In other words surprise your readers and challenge them to think anew about reflections in tranquil water.
EXAMPLE 2: Ponder these changes. "Will we walk hand in hand watched by a graceful moon, or will the bitter winds of time blow apart our earthly spirit?".
EXAMPLE 3: When writing a romantic poem like this watch out for words like Extend and Replenish which break the romantic spell.
SUMMARY: Anyone who can tackle a subject like this with such sensitivity should stick at it because there's a clear talent shining through. Time and enthusiasm are your friends.
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2010
 |
PROS: Don't be sorry about your spelling and grammar, poetry is the music of the heart. This is so sensitive that when I read it I assumed it was from the hand of a poetess, not a horny old cowpoke. Clever you. You are obviously meant to be a successful poet.
CONS: Be a critic of your work as well as a poet. If you leave the poem for a week (disengage with it) then reread it as if for the first time, individual words will jar with you. You'll know they're good but not quite right. Put square brackets round them or colour them and consult the thesaurus widget on your computer, its instant feedback helps you crystalise and extend your thoughts while you're hot. Look out for tired old cliches and anything that smacks of greetings card rhymes.
EXAMPLE 1: your first line is a good scene setter until we get to "waters so still and tranquil". The word that jars is 'still', it means the same as tranquil and doesn't add an extra dimension to it. Try something like "waters silver-soft and tranquil". In other words surprise your readers and challenge them to think anew about reflections in tranquil water.
EXAMPLE 2: Ponder these changes. "Will we walk hand in hand watched by a graceful moon, or will the bitter winds of time blow apart our earthly spirit?".
EXAMPLE 3: When writing a romantic poem like this watch out for words like Extend and Replenish which break the romantic spell.
SUMMARY: Anyone who can tackle a subject like this with such sensitivity should stick at it because there's a clear talent shining through. Time and enthusiasm are your friends.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2010
-
sorry but i like the poem the way it is,
Comment from Dan103085
Nicely done deepwater. Not a poem I quite expected from you, but it was good nonetheless. People make great sacrifices for love, which you have portrayed very well here. Well done.
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2010
|
Nicely done deepwater. Not a poem I quite expected from you, but it was good nonetheless. People make great sacrifices for love, which you have portrayed very well here. Well done.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2010
-
thank you Dan just a change in Mind
Comment from lgm859
Wow, i like this poem. it stirred my emotions and I was able to draw upon some of the words that brought back memories. How your words just cflowed and and the transitions was good.
Keep on writing....
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2010
|
Wow, i like this poem. it stirred my emotions and I was able to draw upon some of the words that brought back memories. How your words just cflowed and and the transitions was good.
Keep on writing....
Comment Written 15-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2010
-
thank you igm
-
your welcome
-
your welcome
Comment from luisestable
This is a series of questions looking for reassurance. If I do this, would this happen?. What would happen if I take this course? And so on.
I found the whole writing to be good and the questions asked are essential to the nature of the situation and to what the poem is all about.
Luis
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2010
|
This is a series of questions looking for reassurance. If I do this, would this happen?. What would happen if I take this course? And so on.
I found the whole writing to be good and the questions asked are essential to the nature of the situation and to what the poem is all about.
Luis
Comment Written 15-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2010
-
thank you Luis
Comment from robbis4
A lovely poem thank you, very sad, as the lover is afraid, afraid of life , much as it is oft said , "better to have loved and lost, than never loved at all", this romantic stays within the safety of idealism, that holds back from abandonment, wants to give her all, but is fearful ultimately of a broken heart, loved your use of metaphor to set each changing moment of hope then doubt , very good, thank you for sharing bob
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2010
|
A lovely poem thank you, very sad, as the lover is afraid, afraid of life , much as it is oft said , "better to have loved and lost, than never loved at all", this romantic stays within the safety of idealism, that holds back from abandonment, wants to give her all, but is fearful ultimately of a broken heart, loved your use of metaphor to set each changing moment of hope then doubt , very good, thank you for sharing bob
Comment Written 15-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2010
-
thank you robbis
Comment from R. K. Alan
What very lovely read... The storytelling is lovely and you allowed me to "see" the poetic verse. Thanks for sharing this with us all.
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2010
|
What very lovely read... The storytelling is lovely and you allowed me to "see" the poetic verse. Thanks for sharing this with us all.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2010
-
thank you Krylon
Comment from Xeknar
I liked the imagery and emotion of this piece. You can really feel it's intensity, but it still remains kind of subtle. I like it, good job
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2010
|
I liked the imagery and emotion of this piece. You can really feel it's intensity, but it still remains kind of subtle. I like it, good job
Comment Written 15-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2010
-
thanks
Comment from Sacred Heart
What a beautifully written poem.
Deeply moving written from your heart.
Which makes it even more special.
It conveys love and insecurity. When
its true it shouldn't be an issue.
The picture really enhances the feeling
of this little gem.
I'm only sorry I don't have any six stars left
because it deserves it.
Take care, Patty
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2010
|
What a beautifully written poem.
Deeply moving written from your heart.
Which makes it even more special.
It conveys love and insecurity. When
its true it shouldn't be an issue.
The picture really enhances the feeling
of this little gem.
I'm only sorry I don't have any six stars left
because it deserves it.
Take care, Patty
Comment Written 15-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2010
-
thank you Patty for the review