Comment from Amfunny

Excellent

This is a very pretty and romantic poem. I enjoyed reading and reviewing it. Very nicley written. Hard to pick out a favorite line because there were so many. Great job.

 Comment Written 05-May-2010

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reply by the author on 05-May-2010

thanks again Amfunny

Comment from fayesh

Good

Although I enjoyed the overall sentiment of your poem, I found the lines to be needlessly long. I think you could work on compacting them. For example:

Can we stand hand in hand at peace with the understanding of time in this moonlight?

Or will the cold winds of change blow upon our earthly spirits,


CHANGE TO:

at peace with time
dare we to stand
hand in hand
in this moonlight?

Or these mortal moments
be blown away
by the winds of change?

 Comment Written 05-May-2010

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reply by the author on 05-May-2010

thanks for the comments

Comment from mermaids

Excellent

I enjoy the image of the sea to explain the love relationship. "I see your reflection upon waters so still and tranquill" as a beautiful line to begin the poem. It draws the reader in.

 Comment Written 05-May-2010

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reply by the author on 05-May-2010

thanks again Mermaids

Comment from Judian James

Excellent

This is nice deepwater. Not one of my favorites of yours, but good nonetheless. I think it's the spacing I'm not liking because your words are quite poignant and well conveyed. I would end this with no punctuation mark or a period. As of now, you have a comma

 Comment Written 05-May-2010

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reply by the author on 05-May-2010

thank Judian

Comment from Marathonwriter

Exceptional

Hi deepwater,
Your poem gave me reason to pause and consider my own life. The honesty in these lines is what makes for good writing. I feel as though you reached deep inside and shared a piece of yourself. This is something I strive for in my own writing and often fall short. Well done.
:0)Chris

 Comment Written 05-May-2010

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reply by the author on 05-May-2010

thanks Chris

Comment from Raul GF

Excellent

Thanks for sharing this intimate poem, this contemplation about what could happen if he dares to open his heart, the doubts, the expectations as a reader we could all relate to. I like it

 Comment Written 05-May-2010

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reply by the author on 05-May-2010

thank you

Comment from vandawalker

Excellent

This is quite deep, deepwater. I appreciate the fragile spirit that you feel, and the danger in trusting someone else with your feelings. You are quite prolific in your writing. That's great. It seems I've read two others of yours very recently. This is a lovely picture of hope and tentative fear of loss of part of oneself. Good writing.

 Comment Written 05-May-2010

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reply by the author on 05-May-2010

thank you for reading

Comment from MikiB

Excellent

Very nice writing on this romance poem. They are trying to say can they be together or apart? I'd like to go walking on that beach!

 Comment Written 05-May-2010

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reply by the author on 05-May-2010

Thank you Miki that beach is on the north sea in Jersey UK

Comment from winsome

Excellent

This is a very well written poem with deep meaning and questions that perhaps many people in love ask. The picture is lovely.

 Comment Written 05-May-2010

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reply by the author on 05-May-2010

thank you winsome

Comment from AmorGentil

Excellent

Is a poem that is a monologue, as if the person that you are dedicating this verses were right in front of you.
Listening the voice of your soul.
Good romantic letters.

 Comment Written 05-May-2010

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reply by the author on 05-May-2010

thank you amorGentil for reading