Secrets in the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Secrets in the Wind - Chap 11"A story of loss, deceit, murder and crime
19 total reviews
Comment from Ric Myworld
Good morning! Well, it might not be a great morning, but it's above ground. A great place to start. We are much better off than Cassidy. :-)
Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2021
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Good morning! Well, it might not be a great morning, but it's above ground. A great place to start. We are much better off than Cassidy. :-)
Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2021
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It's a great morning! I've posted another chapter and have three more outlines done. You've stopped by to read and greet me.... and yes, we aren't underground or in prison. My taste buds are still longing for a bite of prime rib... a doggy bag, perhaps?
Thank you, of course, for the review and starting my day!
Smiles and hugs, Carol
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Well, I guess, I should have shipped you a big piece, but there isn't enough dry ice in the world to keep things cool in this weather. But there are never any scrapes from me, I even eat the fat. LOL. I mean, not the fat by itself, but little forks full with the meat to enhance the flavor. Today is seafood about 11:00 this morning, and I'll eat muscles until they are coming out of my ears. Now that would be a sight. Hope you have a wonderful day! And keep cool . . . if you can!
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I instantly pictured an arm with a huge bulging muscle and stuck it on your ear! Enjoy... I would prefer shrimp. Smiles....
Comment from BethShelby
I enjoyed reading this chapter. Allie is putting on a good act. Women who fall for the wrong men are always left suffering. I'm anxious to see how this goes with Allie in prison. Since Mason wasn't Cassidy dead, I'm glad Allie is there to help protect her.
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021
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I enjoyed reading this chapter. Allie is putting on a good act. Women who fall for the wrong men are always left suffering. I'm anxious to see how this goes with Allie in prison. Since Mason wasn't Cassidy dead, I'm glad Allie is there to help protect her.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021
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Thank you for reading and reviewing this chapter. I apology for being so far behind in my responses. Reality called and I had to answer my life. LOL
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Susan Newell
This is a good chapter. I like the unveiling of more information on the history of the players. There were a couple of spots where you changed POV and had Cassidy experiencing things that Allie couldn't know. I've noted them below. I'm going to go back and read from the start so I can keep a better grip on the whole story. It's hard to do so reading a piece at a time, particularly with so many characters and while reading a lot of other works as well.
green giant ==> Green Giant (because it's a real character)
Sensing movement, Cassidy's wide eyes peeked over the clothing and froze. She stared as Allie's right arm raised from her side and extended in her direction. Cassidy squeezed her eyes closed and scrunched her head and shoulders in anticipation of a fist slamming into her face. Allie couldn't stop the roll of her eyes nor the chuckle that followed. -- you switched POV from Allie to Cassidy. Can be adjusted to Allie's POV.
Cassidy felt a warmth spread through her body, and she hesitated. "Umm... I think I might I have heard of it." Her eyes darted around the small cell. "Which bed is mine?" -- POV switched again to Cassidy (Allie could observe Cassidy, but not know her feelings.)
Mason promised he'd straightened it out." ??? Past tense "straightened," yet later she says he will. If past tense, she knows he's already failed her.
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021
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This is a good chapter. I like the unveiling of more information on the history of the players. There were a couple of spots where you changed POV and had Cassidy experiencing things that Allie couldn't know. I've noted them below. I'm going to go back and read from the start so I can keep a better grip on the whole story. It's hard to do so reading a piece at a time, particularly with so many characters and while reading a lot of other works as well.
green giant ==> Green Giant (because it's a real character)
Sensing movement, Cassidy's wide eyes peeked over the clothing and froze. She stared as Allie's right arm raised from her side and extended in her direction. Cassidy squeezed her eyes closed and scrunched her head and shoulders in anticipation of a fist slamming into her face. Allie couldn't stop the roll of her eyes nor the chuckle that followed. -- you switched POV from Allie to Cassidy. Can be adjusted to Allie's POV.
Cassidy felt a warmth spread through her body, and she hesitated. "Umm... I think I might I have heard of it." Her eyes darted around the small cell. "Which bed is mine?" -- POV switched again to Cassidy (Allie could observe Cassidy, but not know her feelings.)
Mason promised he'd straightened it out." ??? Past tense "straightened," yet later she says he will. If past tense, she knows he's already failed her.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021
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My back is breaking but I finally finished the reviews... Awesome! and now I have 5 messages left and maybe if I can still sit upright I can think about writing...Maybe! So I can put you back to work again...LOL
Smiles and hugs, Carol
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I still have to back and check other chapters for POV, so please rest a little before writing more. :-D
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And my son is getting irritated that I haven't gone back and finished the other one. He wants me to get it published. There's just so much of me.... I am old... He doesn't get it. Besides, he writes scripts, and I write stories... there is a huge difference.
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Heard anymore on Whip?
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Check messages.
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Yes, scripts and novels are different. If you self-publish, you really need to do a final go through. If you can find an agent and a publisher, an editor would do a lot of that.
Comment from royowen
Poor Cassidy, it sounds like Allie working under cover, is Cassidy's enemy, but I guess she has to behave that way, robbing poor Cassidy of any possible hope, but hopefully that will change, but I don't know how Allie can help Cassidy, well done dear Carol, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021
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Poor Cassidy, it sounds like Allie working under cover, is Cassidy's enemy, but I guess she has to behave that way, robbing poor Cassidy of any possible hope, but hopefully that will change, but I don't know how Allie can help Cassidy, well done dear Carol, blessings Roy
Comment Written 25-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021
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Thank you for reading and reviewing this chapter. I apology for being so far behind in my responses. Reality called and I had to answer my life. LOL
Smiles, Carol
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You?re fine, don?t apologise Carol
Comment from ShirleyT1
Another great chapter with continuing drama. I enjoy reading each chapter, and look forward to reading the next. Your writing is filled with well balanced dialogue and solid characters.
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021
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Another great chapter with continuing drama. I enjoy reading each chapter, and look forward to reading the next. Your writing is filled with well balanced dialogue and solid characters.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021
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sorry for my delay in answering... I am so far behind after taking a day or two off to handle life's pressing matters. And here I thought being on FanStory was all I needed to worry about... LOl
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Allie did this just right, if she'd been nice from the start, Cassidy wouldn't have trusted her. Now the seed of doubt has been planted, and even if Cassidy only has half a brain, she must know Mason has set her up or else why would her brother and the housekeeper have testified against her. Now Allie has cracked the ice, as you said, she can start gently working on her. Another wonderful chapter, Carol, and I'm glad this time I had the golden star for you. Hurry with the next part!!!! Love and warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021
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Allie did this just right, if she'd been nice from the start, Cassidy wouldn't have trusted her. Now the seed of doubt has been planted, and even if Cassidy only has half a brain, she must know Mason has set her up or else why would her brother and the housekeeper have testified against her. Now Allie has cracked the ice, as you said, she can start gently working on her. Another wonderful chapter, Carol, and I'm glad this time I had the golden star for you. Hurry with the next part!!!! Love and warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 25-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021
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Good morning, Sandra
Oh How I wish I could hurry ... this story is surging inside but I have so much to do and now I am far behind... messages to read, reviews to answer (not complaining) but I'll never get back to writing... when I do... probably won't come up for air. LOL
Thanks for the beautiful review and glowing stars. I'm almost wondering if this story will top the last one...which I still have to get back and rewrite. My son yells at me daily. He whips his film scripts out every day and thinks I can do the same... Not quite the same.
That reminds me...someone said my stories are too heavy with dialogue. Do you feel that way? Do I not use enough description?
Hopefully I will be able to get back to writing...
Smiles and hugs, Carol
Comment from Wendy G
The horrors of jail life. Poor Cassidy. Your story line continues well and this inside view into what is happening gives extra information about her brother Jon and his expectations that she will continue to take blame for him. Well written.
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021
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The horrors of jail life. Poor Cassidy. Your story line continues well and this inside view into what is happening gives extra information about her brother Jon and his expectations that she will continue to take blame for him. Well written.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021
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Hello...
Sorry for my delay in responding. Had to take some time off and now I find myself far, far behind. I appreciate your time and your review. Only 40 more to go and I might be able to write again. LOL
smiles and hugs, Carol
Comment from lancellot
Hmm, a very dialogue heavy chapter. I don't know how accurate you are going for but would she go to a reception center before going to a prison from county, where she would be assessed before being placed in a cell with a roommate?
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reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021
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Hmm, a very dialogue heavy chapter. I don't know how accurate you are going for but would she go to a reception center before going to a prison from county, where she would be assessed before being placed in a cell with a roommate?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021
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LOL... taking too many lessons from your scripts I guess.
I am not sure if this passes... but my FBI agent made special arrangements with the prison because her life was in danger, and they needed her to open up to someone. that was my line of thinking...You know those behind the scene affairs.
Thanks for the review. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Grabbed and held--stunning dialog and descriptions ring true!
A multitude of sounds blended and reverberated down the corridors [COMMA] creating a deafening roar.
the description [chaos=>"chaos"] was mild. (for clarity)
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021
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Grabbed and held--stunning dialog and descriptions ring true!
A multitude of sounds blended and reverberated down the corridors [COMMA] creating a deafening roar.
the description [chaos=>"chaos"] was mild. (for clarity)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021
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Hi, Liz
Forgive my tardiness...One can not take time off unless we are prepared to be bombarded with messages and reviews when we return. Not complaining...just feeling bad that there just isn't enough time, but I am sure you are well aware of that.
Smiles, Carol