Secrets in the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 59 "Secrets in the Wind - Chap 59"A story of loss, deceit, murder and crime
21 total reviews
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
You did a marvelous job with this chapter, describing and narrating Annie's rescue! I honestly thought you already had it written, never dreaming you were writing it during this crisis in your life--essentially under duress.
Annie's innocent, childlike concern for Miguel made this extra special and really adorable and touching, even though he started out working for the dastardly Mason, and was a bad guy. He redeemed himself by his concern for her welfare, and by not being willing to be a party to her murder.
Here are my suggestions for grammatical revisions:
Annie's arms reach forward to steady him from falling on the floor.
-->
Annie's arms reached forward to steady him from falling on the floor.
AS she handed him the broom, she spoke,
-->
As she handed him the broom, she spoke,
Annie's innocent eyes looked up at Miguel and whispered, "Thank You."
-->
Annie's innocent eyes looked up at Miguel and whispered, "Thank you."
Sobbing, Sofia watched as her son was lead toward one of the vehicles.
-->
Sobbing, Sofia watched as her son was led toward one of the vehicles.
***
Even if "your heart wasn't totally into the moment," you have spent so much time with this book, that I think your heart and your mind knew exactly what needed to be written. I have no criticisms from a literary perspective. I enjoyed it just as much as all your other chapters; actually more, knowing that Annie was being rescued; and you even managed to work in enough suspense to fit the moment, until she was safely in the arms of Mary.
I thought it was so sweet, that Annie thought her dog. Sebastian, would be worried. Of course, with animals, you never know; they have a lot of feelings.
I loved that bit of humor, about Garth being unable to "refuse the pleading eyes of three desperate females."
We, on FanStory, know that you've been going through a crisis, but when you publish your book, I don't believe the readers would ever think there was anything amiss, when you wrote Chapter 59. Bravo!
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2021
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You did a marvelous job with this chapter, describing and narrating Annie's rescue! I honestly thought you already had it written, never dreaming you were writing it during this crisis in your life--essentially under duress.
Annie's innocent, childlike concern for Miguel made this extra special and really adorable and touching, even though he started out working for the dastardly Mason, and was a bad guy. He redeemed himself by his concern for her welfare, and by not being willing to be a party to her murder.
Here are my suggestions for grammatical revisions:
Annie's arms reach forward to steady him from falling on the floor.
-->
Annie's arms reached forward to steady him from falling on the floor.
AS she handed him the broom, she spoke,
-->
As she handed him the broom, she spoke,
Annie's innocent eyes looked up at Miguel and whispered, "Thank You."
-->
Annie's innocent eyes looked up at Miguel and whispered, "Thank you."
Sobbing, Sofia watched as her son was lead toward one of the vehicles.
-->
Sobbing, Sofia watched as her son was led toward one of the vehicles.
***
Even if "your heart wasn't totally into the moment," you have spent so much time with this book, that I think your heart and your mind knew exactly what needed to be written. I have no criticisms from a literary perspective. I enjoyed it just as much as all your other chapters; actually more, knowing that Annie was being rescued; and you even managed to work in enough suspense to fit the moment, until she was safely in the arms of Mary.
I thought it was so sweet, that Annie thought her dog. Sebastian, would be worried. Of course, with animals, you never know; they have a lot of feelings.
I loved that bit of humor, about Garth being unable to "refuse the pleading eyes of three desperate females."
We, on FanStory, know that you've been going through a crisis, but when you publish your book, I don't believe the readers would ever think there was anything amiss, when you wrote Chapter 59. Bravo!
Comment Written 24-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2021
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Thank you for the pep talk and for all your kind words, Mary Beth. You are always there for me and I know you understand the difficult times I am facing. I've faced tragedies but never as bad as this one. Hopefully, soon things might get better though it's doubtful.
Hugs, Carol
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You're very welcome, my dear friend. Yes, personal tragedies can happen that aren't what we anticipate. I recently had something occur in my personal life which didn't involve anyone dying or being physically injured, but which was nevertheless very disturbing and which potentially has lasting repercussions.
I didn't realize that I was giving you a pet talk, but I guess I did :-)
I will continue to pray for you, and I'm sure you have many friends on this site continuing to pray for you and your family. Our God is loving and faithful. I do hope He will make a way for your situation to get better. May you sense Him very near, tonight. Love, Mary Kay xoxo
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Thank you and God bless!
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💝
Comment from Carol Clark2
I'm glad I saved a six! This is a great chapter, with such true emotions coming out from all characters. So glad Annie was very brave, and an influence on Miguel. Thanks for persevering through everything to write this. Blessings. Carol
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2021
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I'm glad I saved a six! This is a great chapter, with such true emotions coming out from all characters. So glad Annie was very brave, and an influence on Miguel. Thanks for persevering through everything to write this. Blessings. Carol
Comment Written 24-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2021
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I do believe a lot of my emotions got packed into these chapters without me even realizing it. I thank you as always for your support and kind words... Always, Carol
Comment from royowen
I know you are struggling at the moment, as the saying goes, "You may not see the wood from the trees" I would love to take the burden from you, that's why I wrote "rest in God" He wants to take the burden from you. This is a beautifully written episode, you could not possibly make it better. The innocence of a small, appreciative child showing extreme bravery in the face of abject danger, and the repentant heart of a basically good showed in this episode, plus the undying love of mother and nana was brilliantly portrayed, well done Carol, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2021
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I know you are struggling at the moment, as the saying goes, "You may not see the wood from the trees" I would love to take the burden from you, that's why I wrote "rest in God" He wants to take the burden from you. This is a beautifully written episode, you could not possibly make it better. The innocence of a small, appreciative child showing extreme bravery in the face of abject danger, and the repentant heart of a basically good showed in this episode, plus the undying love of mother and nana was brilliantly portrayed, well done Carol, blessings Roy
Comment Written 24-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2021
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I do believe a lot of my emotions got packed into these chapters without me even realizing it. I thank you as always for your support and kind words... Always, Carol
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Yes, it takes talent to communicate emotion in writing, so well done,
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I am blessed!
Comment from Judy Lawless
You did an excellent job with this, Carol. I don't know how you managed to write at all, but if possible, writing fiction helps to let go of your personal pain for at least a while. Hugs.
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2021
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You did an excellent job with this, Carol. I don't know how you managed to write at all, but if possible, writing fiction helps to let go of your personal pain for at least a while. Hugs.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2021
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My apologies for being so far behind on thank you for the review. I always read them right away, but the thank you part seems to get delayed. please know that I sincerely appreciate every time you take the time to read, review and enjoy whatever I write. Thank you!
Hugs, Carol
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No problem, Carol. It?s hard to reply to reviews and write too.
Comment from Linda C Mason
Wow! I didn't want it to end. I think your storyline captures many reader's interest, including mine, because a lot of our population have children and grandchildren. Annie seemed like the typical frightened child in a gun battle situation. It's a shame that in today's times, this situation could be become a typical environmental norm. I can tell that you are an experienced writer and I'd love to read the rest of this story. You provided what was necessary for one chapter and I wish you much success in your riveting storytelling.
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2021
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Wow! I didn't want it to end. I think your storyline captures many reader's interest, including mine, because a lot of our population have children and grandchildren. Annie seemed like the typical frightened child in a gun battle situation. It's a shame that in today's times, this situation could be become a typical environmental norm. I can tell that you are an experienced writer and I'd love to read the rest of this story. You provided what was necessary for one chapter and I wish you much success in your riveting storytelling.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2021
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My sincere apologies for taking so long to thank you for your kind review of my book chapter. Life isn't kind at the moment, and I find myself falling further and further behind. I sincerely do appreciate your review, your thoughts, and your time. Thank you!
Comment from Wendy G
Hi Carol, I enjoyed it, and had been looking forward to it. The only suggestion I have to offer is that a thrown book would not break a window so perhaps another heavier object. A poker from the fireplace wielded with force? Or something similar. Otherwise, a great read. Glad Annie is safe. She seems to now have become quite attached to Miguel despite her initial fear. Thank you for writing - I am sure it can't be easy at present. Sending hugs.
Wendy
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2021
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Hi Carol, I enjoyed it, and had been looking forward to it. The only suggestion I have to offer is that a thrown book would not break a window so perhaps another heavier object. A poker from the fireplace wielded with force? Or something similar. Otherwise, a great read. Glad Annie is safe. She seems to now have become quite attached to Miguel despite her initial fear. Thank you for writing - I am sure it can't be easy at present. Sending hugs.
Wendy
Comment Written 24-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2021
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.Writing yesterday and today have really helped me or maybe it was being alone for the first time and focusing on something different. I appreciate you, the review and the stars. I will see what I can change in place of the book. since Miguel can't move I just thought of something simple. Thanks! Hugs, Carol
Comment from BethShelby
It is perfect Carol. You couldn't have made it better. Don't feel you have to write more until you are in a better place. You deserve a break. We'll wait for the rest of the story.
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2021
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It is perfect Carol. You couldn't have made it better. Don't feel you have to write more until you are in a better place. You deserve a break. We'll wait for the rest of the story.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2021
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Thank you, Beth...Writing yesterday and today have really helped me or maybe it was being alone for the first time and focusing on something different. I appreciate you, the review and the stars.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from lyenochka
I was happily surprised to see you writing again! A very moving reunion and we get to see what kind of heart little Annie has. Well done!
Comments:
I thought Tito didn't have any weapon and that's why he brought out Annie but it seems he must have gotten the gun from Mason?
I was surprised how grown-up Annie became. But kids going through traumatic situations can suddenly act like grownups to the adults around them.
AS she handed him the broom (As)
Sofia watched as her son was lead (was led)
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2021
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I was happily surprised to see you writing again! A very moving reunion and we get to see what kind of heart little Annie has. Well done!
Comments:
I thought Tito didn't have any weapon and that's why he brought out Annie but it seems he must have gotten the gun from Mason?
I was surprised how grown-up Annie became. But kids going through traumatic situations can suddenly act like grownups to the adults around them.
AS she handed him the broom (As)
Sofia watched as her son was lead (was led)
Comment Written 24-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2021
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Yes, he had Mason's gun and there were two in the hole with the money, etc. Suggestions fixed and I thank you!
As usual, I am so far behind and so overwhelmed with life.
Hugs, Carol
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Thanks for replying, Carol. You've been on my mind and in my prayers! 💖🙏
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Thank you Helen... Life has really been a dark place to be and I pray so hard. Kaitlyn is in a Chicago hospital for now.
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🙏🙏
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
SSSSSStupendous! Tenfold so, considering the circumstances. Gripping and poignant--touching interaction. Hang in as best you can. Cheerssssss. LIZ
He knew the second there was a clear shot COMMA his agents would fire.
She gulped and turned her [SUGG OMIT innocent] face to [SUGG OMIT look at] Miguel.
An eerie silence filled the cabin COMMA except for Annie's occasional sniffle.
Annie's arms reach=>REACHED forward to steady him from falling on the floor.
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2021
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SSSSSStupendous! Tenfold so, considering the circumstances. Gripping and poignant--touching interaction. Hang in as best you can. Cheerssssss. LIZ
He knew the second there was a clear shot COMMA his agents would fire.
She gulped and turned her [SUGG OMIT innocent] face to [SUGG OMIT look at] Miguel.
An eerie silence filled the cabin COMMA except for Annie's occasional sniffle.
Annie's arms reach=>REACHED forward to steady him from falling on the floor.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2021
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Thank you as always, Liz. Finally was able to fix the suggestions.
I too am amazed that I am able to write. I guess all this pent up emotions are being stuffed into my characters and put on paper.
Thanks again - Carol
Comment from lancellot
This was a well written ending. Annie was very caring of Miguel. Not sure he deserved all of that but in the eyes of a simple child, it seems perfectly reasonable. Tito wanted to die, or at least he didn't want to go back to prison and he got his wish. Now, there is only the final wrap up, if the story doesn't end here.
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2021
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This was a well written ending. Annie was very caring of Miguel. Not sure he deserved all of that but in the eyes of a simple child, it seems perfectly reasonable. Tito wanted to die, or at least he didn't want to go back to prison and he got his wish. Now, there is only the final wrap up, if the story doesn't end here.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2021
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Thank you, Lance for understanding my characters. I am pleased I was able to make their thoughts come to life.
Hugs, Carol