Quiet Lawyer
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Quiet Lawyer Chapter 4"Can a broken heart be mended?
28 total reviews
Comment from RGstar
A couple of commas here and there, Barbara, and sometimes early n the text, I had to read a two or three times to ascertain who was speaking and when. Not a criticism, perhaps just me. It could be that placing the different dialogues from each person on different lines my help, when not mentioning the name of the person speaking...sometimes....I stress sometimes. I also missed the perihery...so important to the mind's eye, as when watching a film, the surroundings are picked up naturally, so it is nice to think about it within a text, showing what the unconscious mind would normally see.
The surroundings...the room, colours, mannerisms...maybe quirks, traits or behavior that categorize a character or two.
Having said that, I am warming to this, and believe it will be a good book. Just a few little things I noticed.
My best.
Have a pleasant week.
RGstar
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2022
  |
A couple of commas here and there, Barbara, and sometimes early n the text, I had to read a two or three times to ascertain who was speaking and when. Not a criticism, perhaps just me. It could be that placing the different dialogues from each person on different lines my help, when not mentioning the name of the person speaking...sometimes....I stress sometimes. I also missed the perihery...so important to the mind's eye, as when watching a film, the surroundings are picked up naturally, so it is nice to think about it within a text, showing what the unconscious mind would normally see.
The surroundings...the room, colours, mannerisms...maybe quirks, traits or behavior that categorize a character or two.
Having said that, I am warming to this, and believe it will be a good book. Just a few little things I noticed.
My best.
Have a pleasant week.
RGstar
Comment Written 06-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2022
-
To be honest, I don't put in a lot of room colors etc. because I don't like reading them. To me they take away from the story line. When I am reading somebody's post and they a lot of it in it, I honestly skip reading that part and go on to the next part. I know there are a lot of people out there, but there are a lot of people like me too. Thank you for the kind review.
-
Yes, I understood that when reading, but if you consider sight without anything to see for the mind, might understand where I'm coming from, for sometimes ard for the reader to have any sense of place or where the characters are, or even see natural characteristics that people have, which helps the unconcious mind place the character in their minds, or, like you say...only concentrating on dialogue, and not the person that utters it. But...I understand. To each his own, and the story works well. Just I had a feeling somethings were missing. And yes, you are right...some concentrate only on dialogue. Best wishes.
-
I will consider what you're saying and check with some other reviewers and get their feedback. I am NOT dismissing your thoughts.
-
Sorry about the spellings and letter missing...my keyboard has a problem with spacing and some letters, unless hitting it hard. Have a pleasant weekend Barbara.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is a very good chapter. Just enough questions about rustlers to make it exciting to read more, and Cord seems to realize what an awful person Alan was without blaming him, just pointing out his errors.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2022
|
This is a very good chapter. Just enough questions about rustlers to make it exciting to read more, and Cord seems to realize what an awful person Alan was without blaming him, just pointing out his errors.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2022
-
Thank you for catching that. LOL Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from nomi338
Another 'Barn Burner' of a story is brewing here, and I love it already. You could even go as far as to say I am already hooked. and you would be correct. I am totally all in on the developing plot, and the relationship that is slowly developing between Cord and Ali. I will patiently wait for the next thrilling episode I am so sure will be forthcoming.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2022
|
Another 'Barn Burner' of a story is brewing here, and I love it already. You could even go as far as to say I am already hooked. and you would be correct. I am totally all in on the developing plot, and the relationship that is slowly developing between Cord and Ali. I will patiently wait for the next thrilling episode I am so sure will be forthcoming.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2022
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from judiverse
There's a lot of excitement here with the arrival of the new horse, yet to be trained. Alexandria and the horse seem destined to be best friends. To me, adding animals to a story increases the interest! They do their cattle rustling by helicopter these days! Times have changed. This reminds me of "Dallas." Don't worry about the internet. We'll be glad to see your work when internet's available. Enjoy visiting with your mother. judi
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2022
|
There's a lot of excitement here with the arrival of the new horse, yet to be trained. Alexandria and the horse seem destined to be best friends. To me, adding animals to a story increases the interest! They do their cattle rustling by helicopter these days! Times have changed. This reminds me of "Dallas." Don't worry about the internet. We'll be glad to see your work when internet's available. Enjoy visiting with your mother. judi
Comment Written 05-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2022
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Jay Squires
This is a lovely story to leave us with if you don't post again until you return from Missouri. I like the way Cordero is progressing in expressing his feelings with Ali.
I only had one thing to mention:
"Cord says she's not precious, but -. Never mind. [Why do you use a single dash? You should only use a single dash as a hyphen, but you know that. I believe it's because of the HTML garbage that FS editor throws. I get that with my M-dash, which I use a lot! I go into the edit mode and fix all of them at once. I consider it all as part of the writing process. It doesn't really take long.]
Have a safe trip, Barbara and take it as a relaxing vacation.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2022
|
This is a lovely story to leave us with if you don't post again until you return from Missouri. I like the way Cordero is progressing in expressing his feelings with Ali.
I only had one thing to mention:
"Cord says she's not precious, but -. Never mind. [Why do you use a single dash? You should only use a single dash as a hyphen, but you know that. I believe it's because of the HTML garbage that FS editor throws. I get that with my M-dash, which I use a lot! I go into the edit mode and fix all of them at once. I consider it all as part of the writing process. It doesn't really take long.]
Have a safe trip, Barbara and take it as a relaxing vacation.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2022
-
I have had many reviewers tell to use a single dash. Hmmm, not I'm confused. Thank you for the kind review.
-
Take a minute to review Chicago Manual of Style's short article (1 minute): https://tinyurl.com/2rsr4jxk
You'll find it helpful.
Jay
-
I tried but my malware refused to allow it. It said, it contained a trojan. I went to my writing books. I think I have it correct now.
-
my links come with a Trojan so your computer won't get impregnated with a virus. Just kidding. Glad you got it figured out.
Comment from Dawn Munro
Wow, Barbara, I WISH I could take on more reading because this is wonderful! I simply have w-a-y to much on my plate...
But hey, it's not all bad news -- I can buy the book, right, when it's published?
*smile*
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2022
 |
Wow, Barbara, I WISH I could take on more reading because this is wonderful! I simply have w-a-y to much on my plate...
But hey, it's not all bad news -- I can buy the book, right, when it's published?
*smile*
Comment Written 05-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2022
-
Thank you for the kind review.
-
Very much my pleasure -- the book is going to be a winner, IMHO.
Comment from Judy Lawless
Interest is beginning to show between Cord and Alexandra, and I think there is a love going on between Alexandra and Jewel too. So nice to see. Maybe Jewel will keep Alexandra around. Well done.
A couple of spags: "I know now(how) much Cord likes ice cream."
"Cordero came into) the kitchen."
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2022
|
Interest is beginning to show between Cord and Alexandra, and I think there is a love going on between Alexandra and Jewel too. So nice to see. Maybe Jewel will keep Alexandra around. Well done.
A couple of spags: "I know now(how) much Cord likes ice cream."
"Cordero came into) the kitchen."
Comment Written 05-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2022
-
I've made the correction. Thank you for the catch.
-
You're welcome, Barbara.
Comment from royowen
A lovely episode Barbara, with all things falling into place, everything seems to be in an exciting distance of relationship, Ali falling for Cordero, great parents and a just the right touch of villainy to have the story's emotions in all the right peace's. Have a great time at your mum's. 90's a great age, my mum didn't quite make it, she died at 89, beautifully written. Barbara, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2022
|
A lovely episode Barbara, with all things falling into place, everything seems to be in an exciting distance of relationship, Ali falling for Cordero, great parents and a just the right touch of villainy to have the story's emotions in all the right peace's. Have a great time at your mum's. 90's a great age, my mum didn't quite make it, she died at 89, beautifully written. Barbara, blessings Roy
Comment Written 05-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2022
-
Thank you for the kind review and travel wishes.
-
Most welcome Barbara
Comment from Shirley McLain
I am loving this story, but I don't think there is a one of yours that I've read that I haven't liked. Have a great time on your vacation and enjoy your mother. The world is never the same without them. Have a wonderful day. Shirley
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2022
|
I am loving this story, but I don't think there is a one of yours that I've read that I haven't liked. Have a great time on your vacation and enjoy your mother. The world is never the same without them. Have a wonderful day. Shirley
Comment Written 05-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2022
-
Thank you. Because of COVID I haven't seen Mom since July of 2019. We were going in September, but while at a hotel I fell and broke my wrist, so the trip had to be aborted.
Comment from dellsworthpoet
This has all the earmarks of a classic romance novel. The characters, at least in this bit, seem un-flawed which detracts from suspended disbelief. The flow is good. The language fits and is warm and friendly. The story unfolds without side distractions.
I would caution that if you are writing about current time be sure to include some unfortunate facts. Tumbleweed is an epidemic in the southwest and often makes roads almost impassable. It also has large barbs that can ruin the finish of a vehicle. Second there is an overgrowth of mesquite, a short thorny tree. It is the bane of cattlemen and is often cut and burned. Might research these things to add some extra depth to the setting.
A good read. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2022
|
This has all the earmarks of a classic romance novel. The characters, at least in this bit, seem un-flawed which detracts from suspended disbelief. The flow is good. The language fits and is warm and friendly. The story unfolds without side distractions.
I would caution that if you are writing about current time be sure to include some unfortunate facts. Tumbleweed is an epidemic in the southwest and often makes roads almost impassable. It also has large barbs that can ruin the finish of a vehicle. Second there is an overgrowth of mesquite, a short thorny tree. It is the bane of cattlemen and is often cut and burned. Might research these things to add some extra depth to the setting.
A good read. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2022
-
Thank you and I have, but so far it doesn't fit in the story. Both Cord and Ali have issues.
-
You are welcome.