Quiet Lawyer
Viewing comments for Chapter 29 "Quiet Lawyer Chapter 16 A"Can a broken heart be mended?
26 total reviews
Comment from lancellot
Everything looks good to me. I would check for comma placement. I'm not an expert on it myself. I thought you did a good job on the transitions and scene changes. Your character traits remain constant, which shows good note keeping.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2022
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Everything looks good to me. I would check for comma placement. I'm not an expert on it myself. I thought you did a good job on the transitions and scene changes. Your character traits remain constant, which shows good note keeping.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2022
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I am lousy at comma placements. I have a few reviewers who keep me honest with them. I usually believe in the 'when in doubt leave it out' theory.
Comment from Jay Squires
A good chapter, Barbara. I love the way Cordero thinks and his ability to dig out the underlying motive for what Ali's saying. He's savvy in a good way. I know he isn't using any of his techniques to gain an advantage over Ali.
"Van Horn's up head. From there, we'll follow I-10 follow into El Paso. [Two "follows"]
So you've got your next novel FINISHED?! Wow!
Jay
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2022
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A good chapter, Barbara. I love the way Cordero thinks and his ability to dig out the underlying motive for what Ali's saying. He's savvy in a good way. I know he isn't using any of his techniques to gain an advantage over Ali.
"Van Horn's up head. From there, we'll follow I-10 follow into El Paso. [Two "follows"]
So you've got your next novel FINISHED?! Wow!
Jay
Comment Written 24-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2022
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I rewrote that sentence and left a 'follow' in. It's gone. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from royowen
Things are really hotting up now. These episodes are very, very good reading, all the stories I've read today seem to be in the great mid-story area of intrigue and spice. Don't let anyone tell you that your writing isn't "up to date", all writing should be like yours, beautifully written, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2022
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Things are really hotting up now. These episodes are very, very good reading, all the stories I've read today seem to be in the great mid-story area of intrigue and spice. Don't let anyone tell you that your writing isn't "up to date", all writing should be like yours, beautifully written, blessings Roy
Comment Written 24-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2022
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Thank you for the encouragement.
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Most welcome
Comment from amahra
I'm very invested in the lives of these characters. And I've often reviewed favorably about your realistic dialogue. However, just one suggestion below:
After listening, she said, "Mr. Brown, I'm unable to meet with you right now." She listened and then said, "Why is none of your business." She paused. "I'll check my calendar and return your call." After a silence, she said, "I'll get back to you sometime today. Probably soon." She hung up and turned off her phone. [This telephone conversation could be a lot realistic if you show and not tell.]
EXAMPLE: "...instead, answered her phone." [Cordero listened to the one-way conversation.]
"Hello. Mr. Brown, I'm unable to meet with you right now. Why...is none of your business. [All right...] I'll check my calendar and return your call. Hm...Probably sometime today. Probably soon? Or did you mean [Probably noon?] Just my opinion. Another great chapter.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2022
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I'm very invested in the lives of these characters. And I've often reviewed favorably about your realistic dialogue. However, just one suggestion below:
After listening, she said, "Mr. Brown, I'm unable to meet with you right now." She listened and then said, "Why is none of your business." She paused. "I'll check my calendar and return your call." After a silence, she said, "I'll get back to you sometime today. Probably soon." She hung up and turned off her phone. [This telephone conversation could be a lot realistic if you show and not tell.]
EXAMPLE: "...instead, answered her phone." [Cordero listened to the one-way conversation.]
"Hello. Mr. Brown, I'm unable to meet with you right now. Why...is none of your business. [All right...] I'll check my calendar and return your call. Hm...Probably sometime today. Probably soon? Or did you mean [Probably noon?] Just my opinion. Another great chapter.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2022
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I will recheck that area. One writer, who I really respect, he's one of the best on FS thought it was great, but I will take a look. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Alex asked a really interesting (profound) question with a lot of implications. Cord did a fairly good job of answering her. He also made sure she knew he did not want her to return to NY. Alex did well telling Brown she would have Pat arrested. I'm very interested in what is going to happen with the Mother of Pat's child.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2022
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Alex asked a really interesting (profound) question with a lot of implications. Cord did a fairly good job of answering her. He also made sure she knew he did not want her to return to NY. Alex did well telling Brown she would have Pat arrested. I'm very interested in what is going to happen with the Mother of Pat's child.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2022
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We shall see in my next post. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Sankey
A great chapter. Brown obviously wanted to track her. Good she changed phones. Thanks for keeping things going. Looking forward to more of the same. Well done. No spags.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2022
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A great chapter. Brown obviously wanted to track her. Good she changed phones. Thanks for keeping things going. Looking forward to more of the same. Well done. No spags.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2022
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Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from Shirley McLain
Another great chapter, and I'm all out of sixes. I guess they don't want all the great writers to have sixes. You did a wonderful job, and enjoy your Sunday afternoon. Shirley
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2022
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Another great chapter, and I'm all out of sixes. I guess they don't want all the great writers to have sixes. You did a wonderful job, and enjoy your Sunday afternoon. Shirley
Comment Written 24-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2022
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Not a problem. Thank you for the kind review and encouragement.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This flows well, and the interaction between Cordero and Ali seemed natural. Kate xx
Potential SPAGs for your consideration:
up head or is up ahead?
follow I-10 follow into > follow I-10 into
There was a few > a few is plural
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2022
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This flows well, and the interaction between Cordero and Ali seemed natural. Kate xx
Potential SPAGs for your consideration:
up head or is up ahead?
follow I-10 follow into > follow I-10 into
There was a few > a few is plural
Comment Written 24-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2022
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Thank you for the catches. I made the corrections. I appreciate the help.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Very nicely written. the dialogue flows smoothly.
I'm surprised that Cord understands the difference between East Harlem and just plain Harlem.
Best of fortune with your novels.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2022
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Very nicely written. the dialogue flows smoothly.
I'm surprised that Cord understands the difference between East Harlem and just plain Harlem.
Best of fortune with your novels.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2022
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Thank you for the kind review. I think Cord has been reading up on New York City. Just in case. LOL
Comment from judiverse
Oh, I know what you mean. It seems I am always finding more errors in my work. Ali handled Brown well--getting the burner phone, reminding him about how she had to have stitches, and saying her clients were willing to go to trial will give him something to think about. My eyes aren't that great, but I don't have any trouble reading your list of characters. judi
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2022
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Oh, I know what you mean. It seems I am always finding more errors in my work. Ali handled Brown well--getting the burner phone, reminding him about how she had to have stitches, and saying her clients were willing to go to trial will give him something to think about. My eyes aren't that great, but I don't have any trouble reading your list of characters. judi
Comment Written 24-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2022
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Thank you for the kind review. I'm not sure what's going on with Advanced Editor. I may stop using it for a while.
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I noticed there's a new design for the page. Maybe that'll make it easier. judi