Guided by Faith
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Faith Chapter 8 A"Can faith guide our path?
36 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
Well, I wondered how building a fence and digging post holes was going to lead to romance but that is what you succeeding in doing here. I liked that the project led to so many kind people arriving to help!
reply by the author on 02-May-2023
  |
Well, I wondered how building a fence and digging post holes was going to lead to romance but that is what you succeeding in doing here. I liked that the project led to so many kind people arriving to help!
Comment Written 01-May-2023
reply by the author on 02-May-2023
-
LOL You'll see. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Rebecca Colwell
I liked the story and the characters. I did feel like the paragraph where he asks Ace to go with her could use a little re work. First, it wasn't clear who Ace was. I would add in something after "Ace go with her." *describe the dog's action as he went to her. Then after in the following sentence it feels like too any actions are being pushed through too fast. First he hesitates then, followed by a comma and another action (grabs keys), comma then another action (runs over), comma another action (hands off keys), then he speaks. I would recommend drawing it out a little more and separating some of the actions.
Overall though I like everything else.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 01-May-2023
 |
I liked the story and the characters. I did feel like the paragraph where he asks Ace to go with her could use a little re work. First, it wasn't clear who Ace was. I would add in something after "Ace go with her." *describe the dog's action as he went to her. Then after in the following sentence it feels like too any actions are being pushed through too fast. First he hesitates then, followed by a comma and another action (grabs keys), comma then another action (runs over), comma another action (hands off keys), then he speaks. I would recommend drawing it out a little more and separating some of the actions.
Overall though I like everything else.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-May-2023
reply by the author on 01-May-2023
-
Welcome to FanStory. I will check those areas. You're the only one who had questions about those areas.
Comment from estory
The flirtatious dance between these two heats up in this chapter. The dialogue carries the day, as always in your work, but I think you could spend a little less time on the trivial background activities that don't really have anything to do with your theme. I know it's kind of like a framework for the flirting, but you could make any background you want and a background that fits the theme would be better than realism all the time. estory
reply by the author on 01-May-2023
|
The flirtatious dance between these two heats up in this chapter. The dialogue carries the day, as always in your work, but I think you could spend a little less time on the trivial background activities that don't really have anything to do with your theme. I know it's kind of like a framework for the flirting, but you could make any background you want and a background that fits the theme would be better than realism all the time. estory
Comment Written 01-May-2023
reply by the author on 01-May-2023
-
Building this dog porch will be important to the story. It plays a big part in a few upcoming chapters. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
This is definitely gathering pace between Seth and Emma, albeit ever so respectfully! It reads well, has fun and true modesty conveyed sensitively with no rush, in-keeping with the characters. They remain very much centre stage and provide good cohesion to the story. No issues with the narrative despite your distractions. Hoping that your husband is making a good recovery. Best wishes, Debbie
reply by the author on 01-May-2023
|
This is definitely gathering pace between Seth and Emma, albeit ever so respectfully! It reads well, has fun and true modesty conveyed sensitively with no rush, in-keeping with the characters. They remain very much centre stage and provide good cohesion to the story. No issues with the narrative despite your distractions. Hoping that your husband is making a good recovery. Best wishes, Debbie
Comment Written 01-May-2023
reply by the author on 01-May-2023
-
Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from Ricky1024
This was another well-written chapter in your book entitled,
"Guided By faith"
It also read well and flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
Thanks for sharing this and have a blessed day.
Doctor Ricky
reply by the author on 01-May-2023
|
This was another well-written chapter in your book entitled,
"Guided By faith"
It also read well and flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
Thanks for sharing this and have a blessed day.
Doctor Ricky
Comment Written 01-May-2023
reply by the author on 01-May-2023
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Wendy G
Well written. Early in the story you used "concrete" instead of "cement". I was wondering also about "wheel barrel", as we always call it a "wheelbarrow" but that may be a cultural difference. I enjoyed the story. Well done, as always.
Wendy
reply by the author on 01-May-2023
|
Well written. Early in the story you used "concrete" instead of "cement". I was wondering also about "wheel barrel", as we always call it a "wheelbarrow" but that may be a cultural difference. I enjoyed the story. Well done, as always.
Wendy
Comment Written 30-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 01-May-2023
-
I will check the wheel barrow out. I checked it out and it is one word regardless of what word says. LOL I keep getting an error for it. I fixed the concrete. I appreciate the catches.
Comment from Aaron Milavec
Dear Mrs. Wilkey,
I'm learning from you. When the conversation begins, then the action does not stop. You have the knack for letting both, words and actions, flow together.
Here's an important segment:
Jake walked around the corner, turned off the water, and chuckled. "Okay kids, enough." [Implies Jake is taking charge over the "kids."]
Seth tossed the hose to the ground, greeted him, and then asked, "Glad to see you. Is there a problem?" [Jake seen as senior problem-solver?]
"Nope. I heard a fence that's turned into a dog porch was being built and thought I might be needed. I see I'm right. It seems more playing's going on than building."
Seth's eyes darted to Emma's dripping wet face and then crept down. Once they came to her breasts, he turned away. [Very nicely done!]
Emma glanced at her blouse and whispered, "Sorry." She ran inside.
*****
While Emma changed, Jake said, "I see you two shared some flirtatious games." [Jake is again interpreting their actions. Judgmental.]
"I'm glad you came. [Seth ignores Jake's judgments.] We can use the help." Seth shoved [rammed] the post hole digger into the ground. [Maybe you've never used a post hole digger.]
Jake continued, "There's nothing wrong with having fun."
"Normally, you're right, but Ms. Winters is a child." [Seth is now judging his actions. Comes as a surprise for me, the reader, especially in view of what Seth says to Emma later.]
"She looked like a full-grown woman to me."
"She just turned twenty-two. She's the same age as my baby ["baby" does not fit here] sister, Abbey. I'm almost eight years older than her. I should've known better." [Is Seth saying this by way of asserting Jake's authority? Confusing. What he will say to Emma in the next lines entirely voids any blame he felt.]
I also notice that the writer appears to have a universal "point of view." Does this work best for you? Do you always use it?
If you have a moment to reflect on my thoughts, I'd appreciate it.
Peace and joy in story-telling,
Aaron
reply by the author on 01-May-2023
 |
Dear Mrs. Wilkey,
I'm learning from you. When the conversation begins, then the action does not stop. You have the knack for letting both, words and actions, flow together.
Here's an important segment:
Jake walked around the corner, turned off the water, and chuckled. "Okay kids, enough." [Implies Jake is taking charge over the "kids."]
Seth tossed the hose to the ground, greeted him, and then asked, "Glad to see you. Is there a problem?" [Jake seen as senior problem-solver?]
"Nope. I heard a fence that's turned into a dog porch was being built and thought I might be needed. I see I'm right. It seems more playing's going on than building."
Seth's eyes darted to Emma's dripping wet face and then crept down. Once they came to her breasts, he turned away. [Very nicely done!]
Emma glanced at her blouse and whispered, "Sorry." She ran inside.
*****
While Emma changed, Jake said, "I see you two shared some flirtatious games." [Jake is again interpreting their actions. Judgmental.]
"I'm glad you came. [Seth ignores Jake's judgments.] We can use the help." Seth shoved [rammed] the post hole digger into the ground. [Maybe you've never used a post hole digger.]
Jake continued, "There's nothing wrong with having fun."
"Normally, you're right, but Ms. Winters is a child." [Seth is now judging his actions. Comes as a surprise for me, the reader, especially in view of what Seth says to Emma later.]
"She looked like a full-grown woman to me."
"She just turned twenty-two. She's the same age as my baby ["baby" does not fit here] sister, Abbey. I'm almost eight years older than her. I should've known better." [Is Seth saying this by way of asserting Jake's authority? Confusing. What he will say to Emma in the next lines entirely voids any blame he felt.]
I also notice that the writer appears to have a universal "point of view." Does this work best for you? Do you always use it?
If you have a moment to reflect on my thoughts, I'd appreciate it.
Peace and joy in story-telling,
Aaron
Comment Written 30-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 01-May-2023
-
Yes, I always use the universal point of view. I liked your interpretations of the this. Yes, I wanted them to come across this way because of what's going to happen in the future. Yes, Seth does see his sister as a baby sister. That's part of the reason he treats Emma the way he does. As for Jake, he's Seth's best friend and mentor. He sort of guides him.
Comment from judiverse
Don't worry about the length. I'm not into these do-it-yourself projects. I prefer hiring someone to do it. It does have the effect you want, showing Emma and Seth drawing closer together. I like that Seth as Ace keep tabs on Emma. Best wishes to your husband for a speedy recovery from knee replacement. I wonder if they have new procedures. I had hip replacement over ten years ago, and I found out they have a different procedure now and it doesn't take as much recovery time or therapy. Wonder if they've come up with something new for knees. judi
reply by the author on 01-May-2023
|
Don't worry about the length. I'm not into these do-it-yourself projects. I prefer hiring someone to do it. It does have the effect you want, showing Emma and Seth drawing closer together. I like that Seth as Ace keep tabs on Emma. Best wishes to your husband for a speedy recovery from knee replacement. I wonder if they have new procedures. I had hip replacement over ten years ago, and I found out they have a different procedure now and it doesn't take as much recovery time or therapy. Wonder if they've come up with something new for knees. judi
Comment Written 30-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 01-May-2023
-
Thank you. My husband isn't doing well, but is okay. Thank you for the kind reveiw.
-
You're welcome. I hope your husband starts to improve. judi
Comment from Paul McFarland
You are developing this story very nicely. It's enjoyable to read, but I know that there will be trouble ahead somewhere. Looking forward to the next installment.
reply by the author on 01-May-2023
|
You are developing this story very nicely. It's enjoyable to read, but I know that there will be trouble ahead somewhere. Looking forward to the next installment.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 01-May-2023
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Shirley McLain
A playful chapter to read. I can see them trying to deny their feelings for one another. You did an excellent job as always. Have a blessed Sunday evening. Shirley
reply by the author on 01-May-2023
|
A playful chapter to read. I can see them trying to deny their feelings for one another. You did an excellent job as always. Have a blessed Sunday evening. Shirley
Comment Written 30-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 01-May-2023
-
Thank you for the kind review.