Four Horse Island
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "A New Morning"Marooned on an island with 4 horses and a goat
27 total reviews
Comment from eliz100
This is an excellent chapter. You kept my interest from beginning. I want to keep reading.I do not see any need for improvement. Have a blessed day. I look forward to the next chapter
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2023
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This is an excellent chapter. You kept my interest from beginning. I want to keep reading.I do not see any need for improvement. Have a blessed day. I look forward to the next chapter
Comment Written 18-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2023
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Hi eliz100,
Thank you for the kind comments about the chapter. I am delighted to hear you would like to read more.
Have a wonderful week.
Debi
Comment from LJbutterfly
This is an interesting concept for a novel...being stranded alone on a cruise ship, not knowing what happened to the other passengers. Fortunately, there is food, refrigeration, and electricity. Fortunately also, the ship does not seemed to be damaged or in danger of sinking. I look forward to what your vivid imagination prepares for us in future chapters.
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2023
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This is an interesting concept for a novel...being stranded alone on a cruise ship, not knowing what happened to the other passengers. Fortunately, there is food, refrigeration, and electricity. Fortunately also, the ship does not seemed to be damaged or in danger of sinking. I look forward to what your vivid imagination prepares for us in future chapters.
Comment Written 18-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2023
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Hi LJbutterfly,
Thank you for the kind analysis and encouragement.
Have a wonderful week.
Debi
Comment from estory
What I liked about this post was the eerie atmosphere you created as this narrator walks around the ship alone. The details in the scene setting, with the unanswered questions they keep asking, with no dialogue and any other character appearing, round out the uncertain experience they are in. We have to wonder where is everybody, and what will happen to this lone survivor? Will they find the horses? There's a decent amount of suspense hanging in the air here, to go along with the strange circumstances. estory
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2023
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What I liked about this post was the eerie atmosphere you created as this narrator walks around the ship alone. The details in the scene setting, with the unanswered questions they keep asking, with no dialogue and any other character appearing, round out the uncertain experience they are in. We have to wonder where is everybody, and what will happen to this lone survivor? Will they find the horses? There's a decent amount of suspense hanging in the air here, to go along with the strange circumstances. estory
Comment Written 18-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2023
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Hi estory,
Thank you for the encouraging analysis. I appreciate you mentioning the mood and what contributes to it.
Have a wonderful week.
Debi
Comment from rspoet
Hello Debi,
I enjoyed the tone of this chapter as the reality of being shipwrecked on an island hits Ava and the questions and concerns flow from her mind.
It convenient that the ship is intact: food, water shelter, electricity.
Sounds like a pleasant getaway with horses for companions, rather than Odysseus' troubles with a Cyclops and Circe.
Speaking of the Greek god connection, I wonder if Poseidon may appear as he is the god of the sea and of horses or Pan with the goat association.
I vote for Pan and a mid-ocean night of fun. :)
Well done.
Best wishes. Hope you have a pleasant Thanksgiving.
Robert
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2023
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Hello Debi,
I enjoyed the tone of this chapter as the reality of being shipwrecked on an island hits Ava and the questions and concerns flow from her mind.
It convenient that the ship is intact: food, water shelter, electricity.
Sounds like a pleasant getaway with horses for companions, rather than Odysseus' troubles with a Cyclops and Circe.
Speaking of the Greek god connection, I wonder if Poseidon may appear as he is the god of the sea and of horses or Pan with the goat association.
I vote for Pan and a mid-ocean night of fun. :)
Well done.
Best wishes. Hope you have a pleasant Thanksgiving.
Robert
Comment Written 18-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2023
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Hi Robert,
I love your review! You have me thinking of alternate storylines as Pan and Poseidon appear and stir things up. I wasn't thinking fantasy when I wrote this, but I may have to rethink that. LOL.
Thank you for a sixer, and so late in the week, too. I am honored.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving.
Debi
Debi
Comment from Jim Wile
This was very good, Debi. It was interesting hearing Ava's thoughts now that the action of taking care of the horses and goat was over with for the time being. The amount of detail you provided was just right to give us a good picture of what she was facing without going overboard with it as many writers do. It's also important, as you have done, to give us your character's thoughts, not just relate actions because it makes the novel so much more engaging. You've struck a terrific balance.
There was very little I could quibble with on a grammatical basis, but one thing that struck me was the use of "that" in a few places. When referring to people, as in this sentence: "everyone else that had been on board?", you should use "who."
Also, it's optional whether to use "that" following "indicated." You used it inconsistently in the following two sentences:
"The lack of lifeboats indicated that they had abandoned ship." and
"Their tracks indicated they had climbed a nearby hill."
I would have left it out, myself, but it's optional. At least be consistent.
When should you use it and when can it be left out? It's a good question that is addressed in a great article (I will send you the link in a pm because for some reason, links are not allowed in reviews.)
When in doubt, I put the sentence through a grammar-checker both ways. If it will accept it without the "that," I will leave it out unless it just sounds funny to my ear.
Also, I don't think the quotation marks are needed in the following, near the end of the chapter:
Aloud, I started listing things I might need: "a flashlight, a sandwich, water of course... It's approaching midday. I can give myself three, maybe four hours to find the horses. Then I will need to head back to the protection of the ship for the night."
And in the following, a thought should be expressed in italics rather than with quotation marks:
A lump formed in my throat. "Please be nearby, my four-legged friends. You're all I have right now."
In a first person account such as this one, I'm not sure when (if ever) quotation marks or italics are needed at all because the whole thing is the person's thoughts, but sometimes, like in this instance, it just seems appropriate, so I would go with the italics.
Aside from these minor issues, the writing is excellent--very clear and with just the right amount of detail. - Jim
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2023
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This was very good, Debi. It was interesting hearing Ava's thoughts now that the action of taking care of the horses and goat was over with for the time being. The amount of detail you provided was just right to give us a good picture of what she was facing without going overboard with it as many writers do. It's also important, as you have done, to give us your character's thoughts, not just relate actions because it makes the novel so much more engaging. You've struck a terrific balance.
There was very little I could quibble with on a grammatical basis, but one thing that struck me was the use of "that" in a few places. When referring to people, as in this sentence: "everyone else that had been on board?", you should use "who."
Also, it's optional whether to use "that" following "indicated." You used it inconsistently in the following two sentences:
"The lack of lifeboats indicated that they had abandoned ship." and
"Their tracks indicated they had climbed a nearby hill."
I would have left it out, myself, but it's optional. At least be consistent.
When should you use it and when can it be left out? It's a good question that is addressed in a great article (I will send you the link in a pm because for some reason, links are not allowed in reviews.)
When in doubt, I put the sentence through a grammar-checker both ways. If it will accept it without the "that," I will leave it out unless it just sounds funny to my ear.
Also, I don't think the quotation marks are needed in the following, near the end of the chapter:
Aloud, I started listing things I might need: "a flashlight, a sandwich, water of course... It's approaching midday. I can give myself three, maybe four hours to find the horses. Then I will need to head back to the protection of the ship for the night."
And in the following, a thought should be expressed in italics rather than with quotation marks:
A lump formed in my throat. "Please be nearby, my four-legged friends. You're all I have right now."
In a first person account such as this one, I'm not sure when (if ever) quotation marks or italics are needed at all because the whole thing is the person's thoughts, but sometimes, like in this instance, it just seems appropriate, so I would go with the italics.
Aside from these minor issues, the writing is excellent--very clear and with just the right amount of detail. - Jim
Comment Written 18-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2023
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Hi Jim,
Thanks for the detailed review and the link. I've read that about the word "that" before and usually leave it out, but guess I slipped in a couple. I know I use it more when I speak.
I appreciate the suggestions and encouragement.
Debi
Comment from nancy_e_davis
So far she's alone. I have a feeling the horses will find more survivors on the island and they will follow the horses back to the ship or somehow connect the survivors. I hope so ! Well done, debi. enjoyed! Nancy:)
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2023
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So far she's alone. I have a feeling the horses will find more survivors on the island and they will follow the horses back to the ship or somehow connect the survivors. I hope so ! Well done, debi. enjoyed! Nancy:)
Comment Written 18-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2023
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Hi Nancy,
Thank you for the precious six stars, especially so late in the week. I appreciate the encouraging comments and am happy you enjoying the story.
Debi
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this post with us. I enjoyed reading and don't worry about the delay in posting. Family should always come first. I hope the horses are all right and I can't wait to see what awaits on the island.
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2023
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Thank you for sharing this post with us. I enjoyed reading and don't worry about the delay in posting. Family should always come first. I hope the horses are all right and I can't wait to see what awaits on the island.
Comment Written 18-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2023
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Hi barbara.wilkey,
Thank you for understanding and for the terrific review. I appreciate the encouragement.
Debi
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
We see Ava waking up for her first real day on the island. She starts by taking care of herself, after feeling the loneliness of being the only human left on the ship. She has time to contemplate what happened to everyone and hope they survived. The, she sets off to find her 4 legged companions. She's very careful to follow survival rules as she takes off on an adventure.
Great story,
Hugs,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2023
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We see Ava waking up for her first real day on the island. She starts by taking care of herself, after feeling the loneliness of being the only human left on the ship. She has time to contemplate what happened to everyone and hope they survived. The, she sets off to find her 4 legged companions. She's very careful to follow survival rules as she takes off on an adventure.
Great story,
Hugs,
Rhonda
Comment Written 18-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2023
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Hi Rhonda,
Thank you for the great analysis and encouragement.
Have a great weekend.
Debi
Comment from Thesis
This is the first time I've read a chapter from this book and I enjoyed it. The story was well laid out and followed a good rule of thumb in the was the character was conducting herself. I'll have to read the prior chapters to see how she became alone on the boat.
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2023
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This is the first time I've read a chapter from this book and I enjoyed it. The story was well laid out and followed a good rule of thumb in the was the character was conducting herself. I'll have to read the prior chapters to see how she became alone on the boat.
Comment Written 18-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2023
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Hi Thesis,
Thank you for the encouraging comments about the writing. I appreciate you stating you'd like to read more.
Debi
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
Great imagery, as always. I like being alone with only Ava's thoughts - it gives us the sense of what she is experiencing as well as what is going on around her.
I hope she finds others from the ship, but in the meantime she has company she can appreciate.
So glad you're back, and I hope your mother is doing better.
xo
Pam
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2023
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Great imagery, as always. I like being alone with only Ava's thoughts - it gives us the sense of what she is experiencing as well as what is going on around her.
I hope she finds others from the ship, but in the meantime she has company she can appreciate.
So glad you're back, and I hope your mother is doing better.
xo
Pam
Comment Written 18-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2023
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Hi Pam,
Thank you for the encouraging comments about the writing and your analysis.
Yes, Mom is at least getting around some now. This caregiver gig is harder than I imagined, but I'm glad she is still around.
Have a great weekend.
Debi