Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Part One of Chapter Two"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
93 total reviews
Comment from bob cullen
Like all quality writers you leave your readers with a hook. What will happen next?
Your character are easily pictured and the dialogue flows comfortably.
You really are one of the better writers on this site
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2011
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Like all quality writers you leave your readers with a hook. What will happen next?
Your character are easily pictured and the dialogue flows comfortably.
You really are one of the better writers on this site
Comment Written 31-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Belinda
Hi, Barbara, this is scary. In Bobby's mind Anna has made many unforgivable mistakes. And it kindles my curiosity about Troy and his condition. You surely know how to keep my attention!
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2011
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Hi, Barbara, this is scary. In Bobby's mind Anna has made many unforgivable mistakes. And it kindles my curiosity about Troy and his condition. You surely know how to keep my attention!
Comment Written 30-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Thesis
Barbara, sorry I've been jumping in and out of this story. I'm really trying to get on every chance I get, But it's been difficult.
How anyon could abuse a woman like Anna is beside me. But I understand there is no rhyme or reason for these predator's behavior.
I like that you"ve designed a protector of sorts for her in Michael. She needs all the help she can get. It sounds like he will do whatever it takes for her. I'm sure you will elaborate in the coming chapters. - Regards, - John
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2011
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Barbara, sorry I've been jumping in and out of this story. I'm really trying to get on every chance I get, But it's been difficult.
How anyon could abuse a woman like Anna is beside me. But I understand there is no rhyme or reason for these predator's behavior.
I like that you"ve designed a protector of sorts for her in Michael. She needs all the help she can get. It sounds like he will do whatever it takes for her. I'm sure you will elaborate in the coming chapters. - Regards, - John
Comment Written 30-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2011
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Yes, I will Toby's mother was killed by an abuse spouse, so Toby has a vested interest. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from ulster3
Hello Barbara...
This is an exceptional write without one error that I can spot. You have created clear characters and totally held my interest. Thank goodness there really are some men like Troy.
I regret that you are not completely well yet.
Fondly, Rebecca
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2011
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Hello Barbara...
This is an exceptional write without one error that I can spot. You have created clear characters and totally held my interest. Thank goodness there really are some men like Troy.
I regret that you are not completely well yet.
Fondly, Rebecca
Comment Written 30-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2011
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Thank you for your kind review and thoughts. I appreciate both.
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:) U R welcome. Hugs! R
Comment from Fireshadow
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Barbara, sorry to hear your chemo has been suspended. The Lord moves in mysterious ways, perhaps this was is for the better, my friend.
This Part 1 of the second chapter is very well penned with excellent and very credible dialogue. I hate what's in store for Anna and her baby, finding Bobby in a drunken rage. Found no spag errors.
Very well done, my friend. Many blessings.
Ama
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2011
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Barbara, sorry to hear your chemo has been suspended. The Lord moves in mysterious ways, perhaps this was is for the better, my friend.
This Part 1 of the second chapter is very well penned with excellent and very credible dialogue. I hate what's in store for Anna and her baby, finding Bobby in a drunken rage. Found no spag errors.
Very well done, my friend. Many blessings.
Ama
Comment Written 30-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2011
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Thank you for your kind review and encouraging words.
Comment from write hand blue
Entertaining leaving you wondering.
Is there too much dialogue? perhaps.
It is well written and quite
original...Mel..
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2011
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Entertaining leaving you wondering.
Is there too much dialogue? perhaps.
It is well written and quite
original...Mel..
Comment Written 30-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2011
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I use a lot of dialogue when I write to develop characters and to show not tell. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Tawnyowl
This reads very well. It is very natural. You have a gift for dialogue without doubt. I could visualize this scene so well. It has a televisual quality. I can't fault it and felt it merited the 6 stars. I like the hint of menace as soon as she gets back home to her abusive husband. That is very well delineated. Well done !
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2011
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This reads very well. It is very natural. You have a gift for dialogue without doubt. I could visualize this scene so well. It has a televisual quality. I can't fault it and felt it merited the 6 stars. I like the hint of menace as soon as she gets back home to her abusive husband. That is very well delineated. Well done !
Comment Written 30-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2011
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Thank you for your kind review. I appreciate your support.
Comment from eliz100
This was a good read from beginning to end, as usual. The ending hook is well set. I really want to see what happens next.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2011
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This was a good read from beginning to end, as usual. The ending hook is well set. I really want to see what happens next.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from mikedorman33
I saw that most people rated this highly, so I'm assuming you have a clear understanding of your strengths.
Your dialogue reads unnecessary to me--the dialogue should always be moving the plot forward, yet you have banter back and forth that could easily be cut.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2011
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I saw that most people rated this highly, so I'm assuming you have a clear understanding of your strengths.
Your dialogue reads unnecessary to me--the dialogue should always be moving the plot forward, yet you have banter back and forth that could easily be cut.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2011
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I use dialogue to develop characters and I usually am highly praised for my dialogue. Many writers come to me to learn how to write dialogue. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from wiskas677@yandex.ru
Hi Barbara, As always, your work is technically sound and your story is grass roots and for many women, all too real. May I make a suggestion? In some ways your work lacks passion. There is a lot of dialogue (Which you do very well) but not enough description of action to adequately convey your character's anxiety, fear and vulnerability. Here and there, why not have her bite her lip, or tremble or gasp... These simple actions can convey emotional impact. (Right now it feels like I'm listening to a movie soundtrack from another room) I know you are battling illness right now, and I don't want to hurt your feelings, but some of my best work has come from simple suggestions from the FanStory readers...your work is good. It just needs some POP!
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2011
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Hi Barbara, As always, your work is technically sound and your story is grass roots and for many women, all too real. May I make a suggestion? In some ways your work lacks passion. There is a lot of dialogue (Which you do very well) but not enough description of action to adequately convey your character's anxiety, fear and vulnerability. Here and there, why not have her bite her lip, or tremble or gasp... These simple actions can convey emotional impact. (Right now it feels like I'm listening to a movie soundtrack from another room) I know you are battling illness right now, and I don't want to hurt your feelings, but some of my best work has come from simple suggestions from the FanStory readers...your work is good. It just needs some POP!
Comment Written 30-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2011
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I get gigged when I have anybody bit a lip, so I quite writing it. Thank you for your kind review.