Metaphorical Seas
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Pause"a series of blank impressions
25 total reviews
Comment from Judian James
I do like your work ever-so much! I too do not use artwork with my words AND I keep sentences as sentences, deferring from starting every line with a capital letter. Superb imagery throughout. Wonderful alliteration and a beautiful flow despite lack of rhyme. A skilled piece of writing!! I am so pleased I found your work and became a fan. Thanks!
reply by the author on 15-May-2012
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I do like your work ever-so much! I too do not use artwork with my words AND I keep sentences as sentences, deferring from starting every line with a capital letter. Superb imagery throughout. Wonderful alliteration and a beautiful flow despite lack of rhyme. A skilled piece of writing!! I am so pleased I found your work and became a fan. Thanks!
Comment Written 14-May-2012
reply by the author on 15-May-2012
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Hello
You are very, very kind.
I can only thank you - your encouragement is greatly respected.
cheers
phill
Comment from Artasylum
hey phill i love the strenght of your thoughts they are very visual and keep me on my toes for fear of stepping on a sharp icicle very nicely done and looking forward. yours, diana
reply by the author on 15-May-2012
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hey phill i love the strenght of your thoughts they are very visual and keep me on my toes for fear of stepping on a sharp icicle very nicely done and looking forward. yours, diana
Comment Written 14-May-2012
reply by the author on 15-May-2012
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Hello Diana
Thank you for the encouraging words.
I wish you well
cheers
phill
Comment from ennahanid
I liked the picture here of the hibernating little creatures just dreaming away the Winter with dreams of Spring. I'm a head-scratcher a lot of the time and your beautiful way with words did have me doing a little bit of a scratch here LOL So if I got it all wrong I apologize...
I really enjoyed reading this today, we have a Desert Turtle that hibernates and it is a lot of fun when he crawls out of his hole beneath the cement to be in the sun...Dinah
reply by the author on 14-May-2012
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I liked the picture here of the hibernating little creatures just dreaming away the Winter with dreams of Spring. I'm a head-scratcher a lot of the time and your beautiful way with words did have me doing a little bit of a scratch here LOL So if I got it all wrong I apologize...
I really enjoyed reading this today, we have a Desert Turtle that hibernates and it is a lot of fun when he crawls out of his hole beneath the cement to be in the sun...Dinah
Comment Written 14-May-2012
reply by the author on 14-May-2012
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Hello
No, you have it right - Thank you for the great review, I am so glad you enjoyed reading this.
cheers
phill
Comment from cvcopac
As usual I enjoyed your exercise of alliteration, assonance, and imagery enjambed on lines of plunging iambic pentameter presenting yet another great visual, This one heralds re-birth--spring.
reply by the author on 14-May-2012
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As usual I enjoyed your exercise of alliteration, assonance, and imagery enjambed on lines of plunging iambic pentameter presenting yet another great visual, This one heralds re-birth--spring.
Comment Written 14-May-2012
reply by the author on 14-May-2012
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Hello
Thank you for yet MORE encouragement.
I really appreciate your time in reading
cheers
phill
Comment from robina1978
I think you managed this well Phill, but I am not an expert . Loved how you linked winter with small/meager beasts and spring kind of still on the way at the end.
reply by the author on 14-May-2012
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I think you managed this well Phill, but I am not an expert . Loved how you linked winter with small/meager beasts and spring kind of still on the way at the end.
Comment Written 14-May-2012
reply by the author on 14-May-2012
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Hello
Thank you again for your kind words. If you liked it, it worked: expertise is not a requirement!
warm regards
phill
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That is right I suppose.
Comment from guinea
Excellent writing I thought. It flows freely and the words are melodious. I enjoyed reding this piece. I could picture the scene easily.
reply by the author on 14-May-2012
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Excellent writing I thought. It flows freely and the words are melodious. I enjoyed reding this piece. I could picture the scene easily.
Comment Written 14-May-2012
reply by the author on 14-May-2012
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hello
Many thanks for this review - I am pleased you enjoyed it
phill
Comment from Earl of Oxford
Excellent metaphors here, Phil, in this perfectly metered blank verse.
I'm old-fashioned, in that I prefer rhyme in a sonnet type structure such as this, but your flow and interesting comments hardly had me missing that aspect.
It's obvious you have poetic talent, and I really respected and enjoyed your poem.
Best wishes, earl.
reply by the author on 14-May-2012
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Excellent metaphors here, Phil, in this perfectly metered blank verse.
I'm old-fashioned, in that I prefer rhyme in a sonnet type structure such as this, but your flow and interesting comments hardly had me missing that aspect.
It's obvious you have poetic talent, and I really respected and enjoyed your poem.
Best wishes, earl.
Comment Written 14-May-2012
reply by the author on 14-May-2012
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Hello Earl
As blank verse, it can go on...and on...and oh, does it! So I have normally limited myself to 10 or 14 lines, not to compete with a sonnet, but merely to hold the reader's attention and to acknowledge their time constraints.
I write these really as exercises rather than as finished pieces - they help when writing 'proper' stuff, but I really do appreciate your opinion and I am flattered that you like it (them).
Warm regards
phill
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I promise you, Phill - I can't remenber reading a better blank verse on here.
I've read so many that leave me craving for a non-existant end rhyme, but yours didn't have that effect.
earl
Comment from dmt1967
The poem was written very well I thought when I read it it flowed off the tongue and I liked the similes in the poem as well good job
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reply by the author on 14-May-2012
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The poem was written very well I thought when I read it it flowed off the tongue and I liked the similes in the poem as well good job
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-May-2012
reply by the author on 14-May-2012
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Hello
Thanks for the encouragement -
cheers
phill
Comment from BrookeClara
Beautiful, Phill. I'm coveting "silence silts in wells." I personally would drop "between" to the beginning of the second line, and I might drop "an" entirely from 'an unseen sun' but that's just me and my ear. It's pretty much flawless and I love your alliteration and, well, the whole poem in general. Brooke
reply by the author on 14-May-2012
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Beautiful, Phill. I'm coveting "silence silts in wells." I personally would drop "between" to the beginning of the second line, and I might drop "an" entirely from 'an unseen sun' but that's just me and my ear. It's pretty much flawless and I love your alliteration and, well, the whole poem in general. Brooke
Comment Written 14-May-2012
reply by the author on 14-May-2012
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Hello there
Again, thank you for your time and opinion - 'blank verse' won't allow me to drop the words, but I could replace them, re-work those around them. I will take a look.
Again, I appreciate your input.
cheers
phill
Comment from Axiom Gray
A very interesting poem. It is dark and kind of sad. I like Winter. It's a silvery wonderland...though shoveling snow sucks! Anyways, well done. Thanks for sharing your work.
reply by the author on 14-May-2012
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A very interesting poem. It is dark and kind of sad. I like Winter. It's a silvery wonderland...though shoveling snow sucks! Anyways, well done. Thanks for sharing your work.
Comment Written 14-May-2012
reply by the author on 14-May-2012
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Hello
I was not really aiming for sad, but rather the hibernation of the small beasts. Still, winter has a sad or perhaps melancholy feel to it which we cannot avoid - even when we write about it.
Thanks for the review
cheers
phill