Don't be bulldozed by family
When a family member manipulates28 total reviews
Comment from robyn corum
In families, like every (space) place else
A very well-written treatise on dealing with families and pressure. I especially loved:
"This sort believes he or she has an obligation to keep everyone in line and will often be the one with the moral megaphone. "
So true! So true!! Thanks for sharing --
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2012
  |
In families, like every (space) place else
A very well-written treatise on dealing with families and pressure. I especially loved:
"This sort believes he or she has an obligation to keep everyone in line and will often be the one with the moral megaphone. "
So true! So true!! Thanks for sharing --
Comment Written 18-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2012
-
Thanks, robyn! I'm delighted you liked this one. I have such an element in my family with the megaphone, and he's a pain in the behind.
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
This is very well written my friend I think in family's sometimes there are some members that try to manipulate others to there way of thinking but this is wrong well done regard's Jill
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2012
|
This is very well written my friend I think in family's sometimes there are some members that try to manipulate others to there way of thinking but this is wrong well done regard's Jill
Comment Written 18-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2012
-
Thanks, Jill! I'm delighted you liked this one. I have such an element in my family and he's a pain in the behind.
Comment from alexisleech
This is one of the most profound postings I have found on Fan Story in the twelve months I have been here. Having been subjected to to the intense bullying of an older 'lawyer' brother from an early age, I cut him off last year and have breathed freely since. Having said that, I have often wondered if my actions were fair or justified. This posting makes me believe I was right in doing it. Thank you. Alexis x
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2012
 |
This is one of the most profound postings I have found on Fan Story in the twelve months I have been here. Having been subjected to to the intense bullying of an older 'lawyer' brother from an early age, I cut him off last year and have breathed freely since. Having said that, I have often wondered if my actions were fair or justified. This posting makes me believe I was right in doing it. Thank you. Alexis x
Comment Written 18-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2012
-
Thanks again, Alexis! I appreciate the stars!!
Comment from Darla9
This is a very well written article. I don't believe we should let other people use us/hurt us, only because they are 'family'. I am only in touch with a few of my family members and I am much happier for it. Life is too short to spend it around people who make us miserable. Good read, I enjoyed it.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2012
|
This is a very well written article. I don't believe we should let other people use us/hurt us, only because they are 'family'. I am only in touch with a few of my family members and I am much happier for it. Life is too short to spend it around people who make us miserable. Good read, I enjoyed it.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2012
-
Thanks, Darla9! I appreciate your encouraging comments; they are greatly appreciated. I have such an element in my family, and he's a pain in the behind. You are so right about keeping in touch with just a few of them, because when the entire clan meets, there are bound to be problems.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
This is such good, sound advice,
Dossie, but isn't easy.
We had a daughter-in-law who was such a B, with never a kind word for anyone and alwys bitching, causing friction between my 3 sons. She often insulted us in our own home, but always out of ear-shot of my eldest who was married to her, and for over 20 yrs we tried to keep peace for his sake, but everyone stopped
going to his house, because of how bad she was.
I wasn't at all shocked when he left her, having waited until the two girls were old enough and away at college in the States - that's almost 3 years ago and he's now met and settle with a lovely woman, who is warm, caring and friendly. I've never seen him so laid back and happy for years, and he and his two brothers get together constantly.
It's such a relief to have our happy find son back.
You must nix??
Margaret
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
|
This is such good, sound advice,
Dossie, but isn't easy.
We had a daughter-in-law who was such a B, with never a kind word for anyone and alwys bitching, causing friction between my 3 sons. She often insulted us in our own home, but always out of ear-shot of my eldest who was married to her, and for over 20 yrs we tried to keep peace for his sake, but everyone stopped
going to his house, because of how bad she was.
I wasn't at all shocked when he left her, having waited until the two girls were old enough and away at college in the States - that's almost 3 years ago and he's now met and settle with a lovely woman, who is warm, caring and friendly. I've never seen him so laid back and happy for years, and he and his two brothers get together constantly.
It's such a relief to have our happy find son back.
You must nix??
Margaret
Comment Written 18-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
-
Thanks for reading my essay and for sharing your story. You will note, I did allow for your ex-daughter-in-law types. I have a brother who is a busy body and it drives me and most of the family loco, but I keep my distance except on rare occasions. In the essay, I said to stay away from that type if at all possible.
As for "nix," I suppose some would say it's a slang, but it means to veto or deny." Here's a better definition: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/nix?s=t. I used it rather than "nip it in the bud."
Comment from Curly Girly
Good advise for most. I don't think it is wrong for members of the family to give 'poorer' ones the left overs and hand-me-downs; especially if the items are still useful. Why should decent secondhand stuff be trashed? My mother-in-law had a beautiful 1940's lounge suite, made from solid mahogany wood with wicker sides. I always admired it and wanted it (she kept it in immaculate condition.) We were too polite to ask for it. One day (in her 80's) she sold it and bought a new suite (a modern, trashy one). I would have been so happy for that hand-me-down. Strangely, she used to give us a lot of second-hand stuff which had no value: tablecloths, doilies, etc - but not the very thing that I would have loved! Weird. Talk about a misunderstanding.
You wrote:
You must nix the conduct the minute it rears its head.
What is 'nix'? Did you mean 'nick?'
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
|
Good advise for most. I don't think it is wrong for members of the family to give 'poorer' ones the left overs and hand-me-downs; especially if the items are still useful. Why should decent secondhand stuff be trashed? My mother-in-law had a beautiful 1940's lounge suite, made from solid mahogany wood with wicker sides. I always admired it and wanted it (she kept it in immaculate condition.) We were too polite to ask for it. One day (in her 80's) she sold it and bought a new suite (a modern, trashy one). I would have been so happy for that hand-me-down. Strangely, she used to give us a lot of second-hand stuff which had no value: tablecloths, doilies, etc - but not the very thing that I would have loved! Weird. Talk about a misunderstanding.
You wrote:
You must nix the conduct the minute it rears its head.
What is 'nix'? Did you mean 'nick?'
Comment Written 18-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
-
Thanks, Curly Girly. In the essay, I said there are relatives who don't give their left overs in the spirit of sharing, but because they think they are better than the have not's. They act as though they disdain the poor relative and tell other family members what they've done. I agree, families should share, but they shouldn't gloat or act superior, that was my point. As for "nix" it means to prohibit or ban. To "nick" means "cut or make an indentation on a surface."
See http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/nix?s=t
Thanks for the review and the rating, I appreciate both! Peace.
Comment from Oldsteamer
Very accurate and succinct style of writing.
Very professional sounding advice that makes sense.
Obviously your article doesn't cover the full scope of the problem but is first rate in what it does cover.
Regards,
- R
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
|
Very accurate and succinct style of writing.
Very professional sounding advice that makes sense.
Obviously your article doesn't cover the full scope of the problem but is first rate in what it does cover.
Regards,
- R
Comment Written 18-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
-
Thanks, Oldsteamer for this great review. I have this element in my family, so it was not a far stretch to come up with a few examples. Peace.
Comment from EMB
Wow. You really bring a lot of great advice that can only come from someone who has experienced this or has done tons of studies. I loved the part with "more affluent family members." And family members should keep things between the parties involved. Why does a clan think that the word "family" means "freedom to gossip"? This was an awesome piece, T.
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
|
Wow. You really bring a lot of great advice that can only come from someone who has experienced this or has done tons of studies. I loved the part with "more affluent family members." And family members should keep things between the parties involved. Why does a clan think that the word "family" means "freedom to gossip"? This was an awesome piece, T.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
-
Thanks, Edward for this encouraging and stellar review. I have this element in my family, so it was not a far stretch to come up with a few examples. Peace.
Comment from Curtis Hatch
This is an interesting essay about family relations. I can put names with each condition you highlight. Family conflict can be very painful and destructive. It takes a great deal of effort to make things run smoothly. It is a good thought-provoking read. Curtis
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
|
This is an interesting essay about family relations. I can put names with each condition you highlight. Family conflict can be very painful and destructive. It takes a great deal of effort to make things run smoothly. It is a good thought-provoking read. Curtis
Comment Written 18-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
-
Thanks, Curtis for this encouraging review. I have this element in my family, so it was not a far stretch to come up with a few examples. Peace.
Comment from joann r romei
I am certain almost everyone can relate to this, one way or another. If one is lucky enough to have survived this sort of thing, God Bless them.
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
|
I am certain almost everyone can relate to this, one way or another. If one is lucky enough to have survived this sort of thing, God Bless them.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
-
Thanks, joann, I like your review. I have this element in my family and he has done more to destroy relationships than I like to think about. I agree, if they survived these busy bodies, God did indeed blessed them!