The Client
The last seance25 total reviews
Comment from Joyce Crowe
The story is well told but somehat disturbing. So, according to the story, Christian died the day Lionel came over and beat his mother? And heis Sirit has been staying with Grandmother since that day?
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2013
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The story is well told but somehat disturbing. So, according to the story, Christian died the day Lionel came over and beat his mother? And heis Sirit has been staying with Grandmother since that day?
Comment Written 13-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2013
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Thank you for the great review and honest opinion.
Comment from BeasPeas
This is an interesting story. As it progresses the reader becomes confused as to what's going on and then realizes that Christian has crossed over and grandma is a medium and the only one who can see him. On re-read it becomes evident that when Mr. Lionel hits Christian initially, apparently he was killed. This reader didn't grasp that initially. As usual, this is another good piece of writing.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2013
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This is an interesting story. As it progresses the reader becomes confused as to what's going on and then realizes that Christian has crossed over and grandma is a medium and the only one who can see him. On re-read it becomes evident that when Mr. Lionel hits Christian initially, apparently he was killed. This reader didn't grasp that initially. As usual, this is another good piece of writing.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2013
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Don't panic, you weren't supposed to know he was dead. Thank you for the great review.
Comment from adewpearl
it's thread bare - threadbare
excellent character development of Grandma
you work in the back story about the narrator's mother and Lionel really well
you gave me the chills with your reveal that the narrator is dead and has been unable to forgive his mother for not defending him from Lionel - what a powerful closing
Brooke
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2013
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it's thread bare - threadbare
excellent character development of Grandma
you work in the back story about the narrator's mother and Lionel really well
you gave me the chills with your reveal that the narrator is dead and has been unable to forgive his mother for not defending him from Lionel - what a powerful closing
Brooke
Comment Written 12-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2013
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Thanks for the correction, I have since gone back and corrected. Thank you for the great review.
Comment from Curtis Hatch
Gretchen,
The story is interesting, and it shows the resentment that can build up in a child's mind when the mother abandoned him for a new husband. No doubt, grandma took good care of him, but the pain and resentment were still there. It is an thought- provoking story.
Curtis
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2013
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Gretchen,
The story is interesting, and it shows the resentment that can build up in a child's mind when the mother abandoned him for a new husband. No doubt, grandma took good care of him, but the pain and resentment were still there. It is an thought- provoking story.
Curtis
Comment Written 12-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2013
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Thank you for the thoughtful review.
Comment from humpwhistle
I like your odd little story, GW. But I have a little understanding your narrator. On the one hand, I have the impression he is mentally challenged. On the other hand, he makes some very astute observations. Tough for me to reconcile.
I made a few notes as I read.
Peace, Lee
'It stunned me and took me several minutes to get to my feet.' --I think there's something missing in this sentence, GW.
'...as he pulled her into his lap...' Perhaps 'onto' is better than 'into'.
If she didn't cry, why were there dirty mascara tracks down her face?
'tell the police I must have must have slipped.' --I think you need quotes around 'I must have slipped.'
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2013
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I like your odd little story, GW. But I have a little understanding your narrator. On the one hand, I have the impression he is mentally challenged. On the other hand, he makes some very astute observations. Tough for me to reconcile.
I made a few notes as I read.
Peace, Lee
'It stunned me and took me several minutes to get to my feet.' --I think there's something missing in this sentence, GW.
'...as he pulled her into his lap...' Perhaps 'onto' is better than 'into'.
If she didn't cry, why were there dirty mascara tracks down her face?
'tell the police I must have must have slipped.' --I think you need quotes around 'I must have slipped.'
Comment Written 12-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2013
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I just assumed she had been crying when he first started to beat her. Thank you for the helpful suggestions. Thanks for the thoughtful review.
Comment from Tina McKala
You made me cry with this story. Very sad story. Reminded me of the sixth sense with Bruce Willis. Terrible tragedy what you described, but you wrote it in amazing way, kept interest of your reader through the entire piece and there was no boring place. Great job!
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2013
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You made me cry with this story. Very sad story. Reminded me of the sixth sense with Bruce Willis. Terrible tragedy what you described, but you wrote it in amazing way, kept interest of your reader through the entire piece and there was no boring place. Great job!
Comment Written 12-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2013
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Thank you for the wonderful review.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Gretchen! That is really spine chilling. You did an excellent job of fooling me. I didn't realize he was dead untill grams acknowledged it.Good job gal. Well written! NAncy
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2013
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Gretchen! That is really spine chilling. You did an excellent job of fooling me. I didn't realize he was dead untill grams acknowledged it.Good job gal. Well written! NAncy
Comment Written 12-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2013
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Thank you again for the excellent rating and the nice comments.
Comment from Halfree
You have me over a barrel. The story is told just right and the ending superb. Has that O'Henry ending. Thought some of the phrasing and transitions somewhat awkward.
Sentence starting with "My room is..." Perhaps "My room, my room just a bed, dresser and a bunch of boxes stacked Grandma has stacked...
At the end of the story "Grandma turns to look at me" Maybe she just turns...looking at part is a given.
So while I think some rewriting will help, and that could be just a style thing with me, I will give it the five it deserves. Will also take time to read some more of your postings
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2013
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You have me over a barrel. The story is told just right and the ending superb. Has that O'Henry ending. Thought some of the phrasing and transitions somewhat awkward.
Sentence starting with "My room is..." Perhaps "My room, my room just a bed, dresser and a bunch of boxes stacked Grandma has stacked...
At the end of the story "Grandma turns to look at me" Maybe she just turns...looking at part is a given.
So while I think some rewriting will help, and that could be just a style thing with me, I will give it the five it deserves. Will also take time to read some more of your postings
Comment Written 12-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2013
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Thank you for the great review and the helpful suggestions. -Gretchen
Comment from Quillian
Best thing I've read in Fanstory in days. You have a deft sure hand with words and great skill in handling the shocker you held until the end. Here is my 6..........
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2013
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Best thing I've read in Fanstory in days. You have a deft sure hand with words and great skill in handling the shocker you held until the end. Here is my 6..........
Comment Written 12-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2013
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Thank you again for the excellent rating and the nice review.
Comment from Mrs Jones
There have been a few movies made where dead people think they are alive, The Others, The Sixth Sense, so your idea is not so original. Thus said, it is well written and very entertaining.
Cheers
Rose
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2013
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There have been a few movies made where dead people think they are alive, The Others, The Sixth Sense, so your idea is not so original. Thus said, it is well written and very entertaining.
Cheers
Rose
Comment Written 12-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2013
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Thank you for the great review and the thoughtful comments.