Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 42 "Nama Moon"Murder Mystery
46 total reviews
Comment from misscookie
Wow!
Another great chapter
That kept my interests from the first line to the last.
I got a feeling he is getting closer to the murder or solving the case.. LO(L
thank you for sharing until next time.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2013
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Wow!
Another great chapter
That kept my interests from the first line to the last.
I got a feeling he is getting closer to the murder or solving the case.. LO(L
thank you for sharing until next time.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2013
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Thank you so much, misscookie. You're support and generosity are so very much appreciated! Hugs, Bev
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Your very welcome,Until next time.
Comment from Tomes Johnston
I like this story. It is very disturbing and spooky. It has a good mixture of dialogue and descriptions. This makes it punchy and gives it pace and tempo. This is very good. Well done.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2013
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I like this story. It is very disturbing and spooky. It has a good mixture of dialogue and descriptions. This makes it punchy and gives it pace and tempo. This is very good. Well done.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2013
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Thank you so much, TJ. I appreciate your taking time to read this chapter and offer such helpful insights. Warmest regards, Bev
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It was my pleasure.
Comment from Edward Buatois
Very well done. This looks like a truly professional piece. I'm not usually into detective novels but this looks like a good one. It has just the right details and action, and moves along smoothly. I'm working on a book that is scifi but has detective elements in it... I might borrow some style points from you. :-) Thanks for the read!
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2013
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Very well done. This looks like a truly professional piece. I'm not usually into detective novels but this looks like a good one. It has just the right details and action, and moves along smoothly. I'm working on a book that is scifi but has detective elements in it... I might borrow some style points from you. :-) Thanks for the read!
Comment Written 22-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2013
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Hi, Edward. Thank you so much for your very generous and encouraging review. I love scifi, so I'm going to definitely check out your writing on the site. Much appreciated! Bev
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You're welcome.
I have written a few things here, but the one I was referring to was The Succubus Prophecy.
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I've checked that out and have sent along my thoughts. Good stuff! Bev
Comment from JM daSilva
Great chapter. I like the negotiation and the distraction the waitress provided, and most of all I liked the ending because the reporter showed she knows her job. I had no trouble following the action either. Today the police have to negotiate with the press if they want to be more effective and what the detective said is true. People panic and do stupid things. Great job conveying everything.I'm sending a pm with a few editing suggestions.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2013
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Great chapter. I like the negotiation and the distraction the waitress provided, and most of all I liked the ending because the reporter showed she knows her job. I had no trouble following the action either. Today the police have to negotiate with the press if they want to be more effective and what the detective said is true. People panic and do stupid things. Great job conveying everything.I'm sending a pm with a few editing suggestions.
Comment Written 22-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2013
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Hi, JM. Thanks, as always, my friend, for taking so much time to help me out with my chapter. I look forward to reading your suggestions. Warmest regards, Bev
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Welcome. It's a great pleasure to read a well-written piece.
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How very gracious of you, JM. :0) Bev
Comment from DALLAS01
Another great chapter moved forward by the language and antics of your memorable characters. What a piece of work Danika is. Your portrayal even gets me riled up.
Just a couple of suggestions from a readers point of view. I certainly do not feel adequate to critique.
A waitress approached the table, and Skeets looked directly into her face.
How about and Skeet's glanced up (I realize that ends in a preposition.)
Patty suddenly appeared. After settling their food plates, she stepped back and wiped her hands across her apron.
How about: Patty appeared with the food and after serving it she stepped back and wiped her hands on her apron.
Danika was too busy eyeing her chili with suspicion to hear the offense in Patty's voice
How about Danika was so busy scrutinizing the chili that she didn't notice the sharp edge in Patty's voice.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2013
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Another great chapter moved forward by the language and antics of your memorable characters. What a piece of work Danika is. Your portrayal even gets me riled up.
Just a couple of suggestions from a readers point of view. I certainly do not feel adequate to critique.
A waitress approached the table, and Skeets looked directly into her face.
How about and Skeet's glanced up (I realize that ends in a preposition.)
Patty suddenly appeared. After settling their food plates, she stepped back and wiped her hands across her apron.
How about: Patty appeared with the food and after serving it she stepped back and wiped her hands on her apron.
Danika was too busy eyeing her chili with suspicion to hear the offense in Patty's voice
How about Danika was so busy scrutinizing the chili that she didn't notice the sharp edge in Patty's voice.
Comment Written 22-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2013
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I like all your suggestions, Dallas. Thanks so much for reading with an eye to helping make the chapter better. Your faithful following of my story and very generous review are so appreciated! :) Bev
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:.)
Comment from Selina Stambi
Bev, dear, another sumptuous feast at your script-like table!
That Danika seems to be the kind of woman who doesn't have too many women friends .... I know her type!
I REALLY enjoyed the fast paced dialogue.
Beautifully done, my dear friend.
Hugs xxx :)
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2013
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Bev, dear, another sumptuous feast at your script-like table!
That Danika seems to be the kind of woman who doesn't have too many women friends .... I know her type!
I REALLY enjoyed the fast paced dialogue.
Beautifully done, my dear friend.
Hugs xxx :)
Comment Written 22-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2013
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Thanks so much, Sonali. It's especially kind of you to share what worked for you. Much appreciated, my lovely friend. Hugs, Bev
Comment from vfbryant
Although I haven't kept up with previous chapts., your intro to the story really helped. You have a real talent for writing dialogue and for painting a scene so clearly that I could smell the chili. Good read.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2013
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Although I haven't kept up with previous chapts., your intro to the story really helped. You have a real talent for writing dialogue and for painting a scene so clearly that I could smell the chili. Good read.
Comment Written 22-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2013
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Thank you so much, VF. I've worked hard to get better with dialogue - used to scare the heck out of me. So, your comments are especially rewarding. Much appreciate it! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Norbanus
Sound like Danika has Skeets by the short hair, or at least she thinks she does. Hell of a segment.
Here are a couple of spots you might want to check:
He grabbed a file folder, tucked it under his arm and exited his car.(Too many 'he/him' pronouns in this sentence. Perhaps the first 'his' could be 'an' and/or the second 'his' could be 'the'.)
"Really? Well, you must write down the names of those places. That way, I can be sure to avoid them." (Outstanding line!)
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2013
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Sound like Danika has Skeets by the short hair, or at least she thinks she does. Hell of a segment.
Here are a couple of spots you might want to check:
He grabbed a file folder, tucked it under his arm and exited his car.(Too many 'he/him' pronouns in this sentence. Perhaps the first 'his' could be 'an' and/or the second 'his' could be 'the'.)
"Really? Well, you must write down the names of those places. That way, I can be sure to avoid them." (Outstanding line!)
Comment Written 22-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2013
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Hi, Norbanus. You're absolutely right about that line. I'm going to change it. Thanks so much for taking time to review and your generous support. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from donkeyoatey
Your characters are developing so well, we really are getting involved in their interactions, and the tension is building nicely! You have a great "turn of phrase" that is descriptive, but in a real way, that flows naturally! As always, thanks for using my artwork, I am LUCKY!! Donkeyoatey
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2013
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Your characters are developing so well, we really are getting involved in their interactions, and the tension is building nicely! You have a great "turn of phrase" that is descriptive, but in a real way, that flows naturally! As always, thanks for using my artwork, I am LUCKY!! Donkeyoatey
Comment Written 22-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2013
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Aw, you've put a big smile on my face, D. Thank you so much for this awesome, and very generous, review. Everytime I use your pic, I get more reviews. I swear! Warmest regards, Bev
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I wish that were true, but it IS the writing!! great stuff! Donkeyoatey
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Aw shucks... :0)
Comment from lindalcreel
Very nice read. You have all the elements in this story; suspense, intrigue, even a bit of humor. This was well crafted and your character's were true to life. The dialogue was excellent. I think Ms. Martin is a bit of a pill, but that makes her character more interesting. Maybe she can provide the good detective with more information, since she obviously has some connections. Well done. Great pace and great plot. Thanks for sharing!
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2013
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Very nice read. You have all the elements in this story; suspense, intrigue, even a bit of humor. This was well crafted and your character's were true to life. The dialogue was excellent. I think Ms. Martin is a bit of a pill, but that makes her character more interesting. Maybe she can provide the good detective with more information, since she obviously has some connections. Well done. Great pace and great plot. Thanks for sharing!
Comment Written 22-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2013
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Lindalcreel, thank you so very much for this very generous and encouraging review. I so appreciate you taking time to read my chapter! Warmest regards, Bev